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Thread: Can't seem to let go...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Default Can't seem to let go...

    ME. I can't seem to let go! Who'd have guessed it?

    I have reasons why weaning completely off the one and only daily 10-minute session would be a good idea, the main two being that I want to go back to work, and the other being I've long considered restarting on anxiety meds. S no longer asks ever, and she has both top teeth now (ouch)... I dunno, I guess it's the protection from illness that I love so much. Every night I think, maybe this is the last session. And then I am reluctant to stop.

    I'm conflicted. I do want to stop, but at the same time it's "just once a day" which makes it seem like no big deal to continue.

    Anybody empathize?

  2. #2
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    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    Sasha, I can relate. Although I'm not considering weaning, there are days where I want to night wean/wean from nursing to sleep/wean completely. Then I think of how great it feels to connect with her after being at work all day. It forces me to slow down and enjoy being with her.

    I also like the idea that I am giving her extra protection, which is a big reason why I choose to cosleep/night nurse.

    Hang in there. Allow yourself to have your feelings (whether they conflict or not). I keep going with the feeling/instinctual knowledge that one day it will be the right day for both of us to stop.


    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
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  3. #3
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    You know, I'm having the exact same problem. We are back down to 1-2 times a day now that Connor is feeling better. My mom likes to keep telling me that he's "self-weaning"... well yeah, that's tech. what he's been doing since he starting eating solids! Another friend of mine has said that she thinks he's just ready to stop, "Why hang on to just one feeding?"

    *I* am not ready to stop breastfeeding yet! I know that it will happen in it's own time as the pregnancy progresses. Especially if it continues at only 1-2 times a day. It's a special time that will be over so soon, and maybe I'm not ready for my baby to turn into a little boy.

    While I'm excited about nursing the next baby, it kind of makes me sad because it means weaning Connor. I wanted to nurse him until he was either ready to wean on his own, or until at least two. Tandem nursing is just not for me. I am a busy college student, and I'm only taking one semester off. I don't think that Connor will understand that the baby needs milk first, I see him becoming very jealous. Not that he wont anyway, but if he was still nursing I could def. see it being worse IYKWIM.

    Anyway, I don't know if this helped at all! But, I know where you're at... and I think it's fine if you want to keep just one.

    ETA: Perhaps you could talk to your doctor about drugs "life" in your system. If you only nurse once at night and you take the medication in the AM, I doubt there would be hardly any at all.
    “Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.” - Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

  4. #4
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    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    I am so not ready and on the other hand I am! I think Carson would be fine if he never nursed again. We still nurse 4 times a day, but he doesn't ask for it during the day. I mostly nurse through the night. I really want to nurse him through cold and flu season and then we will see. Some days I would love to wean him so I can take my meds for my headaches and I wouldn't might a night away with dh. Just wanted to let you know I'm feeling the same way.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    1,449

    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    I have found this same problem with myself and Aaron. When he was about 1, I was SO tired of nursing. He would take 3 second "hits" off of me and move on all freakin day long. I'd always tell Ed "I can't WAIT until he weans, I hate this!" As soon as he started loving cow's milk at about 14mo, though- he's never really been too into nursing. He's almost 18mo now and I would say that I'm the one who has "dragged this out". He didn't care one way or the other. He would nurse- and people say "you can't make a baby nurse so he must want to". But really, my son has a pretty compliant personality and I think he just went with the flow (pardon the pun). He'd only nurse maybe 2 minutes once before bed when I put him there to do so. I decided that on his 17mo birthday, I would stop. But, I was so attached and didn't want to have that "last time". When we got to that date and I bawled and bawled all weekend. I called a friend who nursed her kids until 2 and 3 years old. She helped me just talk some of my feelings out loud. This website is great, but sometimes talking out loud to someone whose been there is helpful, too, KWIM? Hearing someone's reassuring voice etc.

    Anyway, two weeks later, I was just ok with it suddenly. I know all he is going to be ok and that he's weaned himself, which was my goal. It makes me sad, but not as sad as the time I went through 2 weeks ago- I think that mourning period helped me get to this phase of being ok with him stopping.

    If your attachment is mostly because of medical reasons (her benefit) then I don't know what to say. I mean, you have a great point and if she's still nursing, it's really good for her. If you're more like I was in knowing she doesn't really care one way or t'other, but you're too emotionally attached to let her go, maybe you will find in a few weeks of preparing for "the end" you'll be ok with it, too.

  6. #6
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    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    Quote Originally Posted by mothersky View Post
    Sasha, I can relate. Although I'm not considering weaning, there are days where I want to night wean/wean from nursing to sleep/wean completely. Then I think of how great it feels to connect with her after being at work all day. It forces me to slow down and enjoy being with her.

    I also like the idea that I am giving her extra protection, which is a big reason why I choose to cosleep/night nurse.

    Hang in there. Allow yourself to have your feelings (whether they conflict or not). I keep going with the feeling/instinctual knowledge that one day it will be the right day for both of us to stop.

    couldn't have said it better!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    I am in a somewhat similar situation to Jess in regards to being pregnant, however I am not commited to weaning DD from her one short nighttime feeding before the new baby comes. I am just not sure at this point, part of me feels like keeping that one feeding is "no big deal" also and might actually help her deal with any jealousy of the new baby (likely with her temperament in my judgment). Right now that part of me is winning, along with the knowledge that she might drop that feeding on her own in the next few months.
    Anyway, Sasha, I know you are not pg so our considerations are not exactly the same, and I don't have the issue with putting off meds. However, I actually take, and have taken for the past 10 years, a low dose of anti-seizure meds, but I was assured that they are the safest for pregnancy and nursing. That was something I seriously considered and sought as much info as possible before deciding the nurse my babies (with the blessings of my neurologist and OB). It depends on how strong your need for the meds is and whether you can reconsider whether you might be able to do both (I know you previously said that you had made that decision but anyway...) In my case, I have no choice but to take my meds and the risk is pretty close to non-existent, or at the most theoretical, so that was my choice and how I came to it.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  8. #8
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    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    Thanks you so much everybody, for your understanding! DF doesn't understand... He kind of implied (very carefully ) that he wanted me to get serious about ending it...

    Molly - I've been indecisive and conflicted about the medication thing, going back and forth... I figured I could probably safely take it if she only nurses once, like Jess said, or I could find one that's considered safe anyway, but then on the other hand I wonder what the point of continuing and risking giving it to her would be if I could just stop nursing at this point with no problem and no requests. I rock her to sleep anyway, nursing doesn't put her to sleep. She doesn't even "ask" when I take my shirt off to get in the bath. I mean, yeah, I am I the position to hold off from taking it for a while longer since I've come this far already. But I'm in the position where I could stop nursing and start meds any day, and I am conflicted as to when that day should be, KWIM? I am leaning towards soon, since my anxiety is preventing me from driving...

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    since you're only nursing 1 time a day (right) you can take the medication right after that session and by the time she nurses again, it will be of a low low level in your system... have you checked inside Dr Hales book for the plasma levels/HT etc... of the medication you're considering??

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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    Default Re: Can't seem to let go...

    I'm having some similar feelings, and my DS is 3 1/2, LOL. Personally, I've decided to go ahead with weaning, but that's mainly because with my pregnancy my nipples are SORE. Also, DS will be 4 when the baby is born, and I don't think I'm up for tandem nursing. All that said, I just can't seem to fathom a "last" nursing session, kwim? And, I keep wondering if he will get sick a lot more.

    In your case, it sounds like you may really need the meds, since it is causing some really debilitating situations (not able to drive). However, if you'd otherwise keep the one session, I don't think I'd let needing the meds be the thing to make you stop. Medications with a one year old are COMPLETELY different than with a newborn. One year olds are able to process most medications fairly well. And with only one session a day, especially if you timed your doses, the dose your baby would get would likely be VERY small to nothing. Of course, you'd want to research the particular med, but in general I think there would be lots of things you could take with no effects on baby.

    I know there have been other reasons you've wanted to wean as well, so I guess you have to kind of way everything. But, there is no deadline for deciding, kwim? If you like the one session today, keep it today. You can always drop it tomorrow.

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