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Thread: We had a weaning party!

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    436

    Default Re: We had a weaning party!

    That's a beautiful story! I agree with the PPs in that your experiences and stories have helped me a LOT. So congrats and thanks!
    Annie
    Mama to Jeremy Daniel (12/10/2005)


    I'm a late cloth convert...and you? :tumbsup

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1

    Unhappy Re: We had a weaning party!

    So, as this is my first post as a LLL member, it has been a real eye-opener to read so many posts on experiences so acutely like my own. I started reading this thread because my son is turning 2 on 11/13, and I plan on giving him a birthday party. I had been toying with the idea that I could tell him that he was a big boy now, and that as a result the "night-nights" were yucky. Then I would use something like basil oil or Mavala stop (thumbsucking deterrent) on nipples, so I could plainly say, See? Yucky. He has only nursed before midday nap and bedtime for months now, or perhaps more if he woke from illness or teething in the night. But recently he has been asking for "night-nights" during the day, while playing or something, and gets really upset if I tell him he can't, so I sometimes cave in. Anyone have thoughts on this? Could he be having confidence issues that he needs reassurance? What other reasons could there be for the sudden increased demand during the day? I've been really trying to decide for weeks if cold turkey was the way to go in our case. But I feel guilty for even thinking about cutting him off, and then pressured when others discover I haven't stopped yet. I'm really confused and would really appreciate the advice of others.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: We had a weaning party!

    Lisa, only you know what is right for your family. If you want to keep going but limit him back down to 1-2 nursings a day, you could try distraction or offering a substitute (I admit I have offered ice cream instead-how bad is that? ). The book How Weaning Happens has helped me limit my DD and given me some different perspectives/ideas on weaning. As awnja stated, and I agreed with, I just don't think the "you're a big girl now" approach would work with my DD. The book is a short read and divides chapters by age group-I'd check it out at your library or LLL library.
    I also understand the "You're still nursing?!" comments and pressure from others, although I am fortunate enough to have the support of key people in my life. Unsupportive attitudes are such a bummer. It might help to know that you can always find support here.
    I'm not sure why your DS is asking to BF during the day again, you could be right on if your mommy instinct is right that he is simply going through a clingy period. IMO the best thing to do is honor that to an extent but limit him if possible. Has anything potentially stressful been going on in his life lately? Little people can experience stress too, sometimes due to factors we might not think to be obvious.
    Hope something here helps and again, you can always find support here. BTW I first posted on this forum with a weaning question over a year ago and we are "still" nursing. I think the best idea is to keep an open mind.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: We had a weaning party!

    You need to decide how you feel. How long you and your son nurse is nobody's business but yours. No one even has to know if you're only nursing to sleep.

    There is probably something going on that's making him want to nurse more - but if you let him, he will probably love it and hang on to it for a while... which is fine... they DO cut back on their own even if you don't enforce strict limits... but if you really want to keep them as "night-nights," I'd stick to that. I'm betting he needs more sleep right now (growth spurt? frequent waking due to toilet learning?) and when he feels sleepy, he wants his night-nights. I THINK, at his age they actually think they can stay awake if they just nurse a little. Which is obviously backwards. Yes they will cry for them sometimes, but they will also cry for cookies at dinner time at some point too. So put the crying into perspective. I've gotten less tears when I've answered, "You can't nurse right now but you can have ______." Warm milk with a little honey was often a good alternative.

    It feels different when they are crying to nurse because nursing is so special and healthy and it's so hard to explain to them WHY they CAN'T. That's what tore me up when I started to cut her back. "Why I can't nurse?" I never want to lie to my kid, and I like to answer such honest and important questions, but I would think, "because if I nurse you at this time today, you will want to tomorrow and the next day and you're getting so big that people are starting to think this is weird and even I am starting to feel like you're awfully old for this and want to encourage you to find comfort other ways. The other kids are going to start commenting. I don't want you to feel different. This doesn't fit very nicely into the culture I bore you into. Even your daddy seems disappointed in us when he walks in on us nursing. I think he thinks we just sit on this couch and nurse all day."

    Well, I'm not going to tell her that!!! The truth was I just didn't know why. I needed to really WANT to wean and then I had much better answers. And she could see that they were simple and sincere and she was satisfied with it. And then I could stick to my NO. My reasons for cutting way back were quite practical and considered both of our interests.

    If you feel ambiguous and if he still has a need to suck, I don't know how that "yucky" thing is going to fly. I'll admit I tried putting lemon juice on my nipples a couple times just to see if taste would deter dd. Not at all. She acted sad that it didn't taste very well but nursed anyway and of course sucked the yucky off. And if you say that he should be done now that he's two and he goes ahead and keeps nursing the yucky milk, he may feel wrong about it and about what he's doing. And that's when nursing becomes negative.

    For me, it all finally came together when I approached it this way: I only nurse you when I want to nurse you. Otherwise you can't nurse. And I finally decided that I was always willing to nurse her SOMETIMES... even if that meant once a month until she was seven. Which I was pretty sure wouldn't happen. I did NOT expect her to EVER decide and announce that she was officially done. Especially so soon. I was expecting to just nurse her less and less until she just forgot about it. But honestly she's done. I can hold her like a baby, fall asleep next to her, read books like Maggie's weaning and talk about nursing.. and she WILL NOT ASK. She has decided that she does not nurse. It's so cool. So I personally am very glad we didn't do it cold turkey. She'd be a wreck if we had. When we did cut her back quickly (like as a result of a schedule change or something), she would do things like suck on her fingers and bite paper. Gradual weaning had no affect on her behavior - not that her behavior is ever perfect.. just normal.

    And all her life people's eyes will probably bug out when they find out that she weaned at three. But at this point, she and I are both glad we did it as long as we did. I have three adult friends who weaned at three and they are good testaments to long term nursing. Once it's all over, that social pressure becomes so unimportant.

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