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Thread: Mom to be - scared to death

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    307

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Hahahah, Oh Nikag, your post reminds me of me.
    Girl, I used to resent those images on ads etc with those smiling tranquil looking women breastfeeding. I was like - its not so easy....until I became one of those smiling tranquil breastfeeding women
    Yes, definitely make the investment of meeting with a lactation consultant within the first three days of your delivery and have her coach you. that will make a big difference. Plus this forum has wonderful support from thoughtful women who have been there.
    all the best. May you become a tranquil looking breastfeeding momma

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    228

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Hi and congratulations! I have a few little suggestions:

    1. Have confidence in knowing that you can do this. (Sounds like that's the case!) Tune out the voices from your support group that are doubtful or negative. It's going to hurt. It will be hard. You will have doubts and questions. I guess breastfeeding is just like any other part of parenting: It doesn't go smoothly at first, but we learn and adapt and become really good at it.

    2. Know the signs of baby getting enough milk: (a) Nurses 8 to 12 times a day; (b) Has 6-8 wet and 3-4 messy diapers a day; and (c) Gains enough weight (do weight-checks at MD's office if needed). When you start to doubt your milk supply (all moms do!), just do a quick check of these three things and reassure yourself that your baby is getting enough. A fussy baby is not necessarily hungry! Formula doesn't cure a fussy baby!

    3. Don't breastfeed your baby. NURSE your baby. What I mean by this is to get away from the idea that baby goes to breast only for food. Nursing your infant is so much more than transferring calories from one person to another! It's a parenting style. It's mothering, nuturing, comforting, reassuring in a way only YOU can.

    Be sure to come back to these boards with all the questions you have! Good luck!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Quote Originally Posted by mpoulson View Post
    Hi and congratulations! I have a few little suggestions:

    1. Have confidence in knowing that you can do this. (Sounds like that's the case!) Tune out the voices from your support group that are doubtful or negative. It's going to hurt. It will be hard. You will have doubts and questions. I guess breastfeeding is just like any other part of parenting: It doesn't go smoothly at first, but we learn and adapt and become really good at it.

    2. Know the signs of baby getting enough milk: (a) Nurses 8 to 12 times a day; (b) Has 6-8 wet and 3-4 messy diapers a day; and (c) Gains enough weight (do weight-checks at MD's office if needed). When you start to doubt your milk supply (all moms do!), just do a quick check of these three things and reassure yourself that your baby is getting enough. A fussy baby is not necessarily hungry! Formula doesn't cure a fussy baby!

    3. Don't breastfeed your baby. NURSE your baby. What I mean by this is to get away from the idea that baby goes to breast only for food. Nursing your infant is so much more than transferring calories from one person to another! It's a parenting style. It's mothering, nuturing, comforting, reassuring in a way only YOU can.

    Be sure to come back to these boards with all the questions you have! Good luck!

    Wow! Thank you so much!

    I'm so excited to nurse!!!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    145

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Quote Originally Posted by nikag View Post
    I had a friend that when she had her first, the hospital staff took the baby to nursery after delivery and returned baby to mother a few hours later, bottle in mouth.
    This happened to me. I agree that keeping your baby in the room with you is really helpful, but I had an emergency c-section, and that wasn't possible for the first few hours- I didn't even get to hold her.

    Strive for the ideal: nursing moments after birth no bottles, pacifiers, no family members scaring you that you must not have enough milk and you should supplement, . Strive, strive, strive for this, but if something out of your control goes wrong, don't assume it's game over. I was so upset about the formula, but it's the only one she's had since birth.

    I would do this: ask about the LC in the hospital. Read about latching. Go to one or two meetings and talk to nursing moms. Don't worry if you need help getting the baby latched on the first few days. Buy a waterproof sheet for your bed. Look into buying a pump and read the directions.

    I admire that you are thinking about this now, but please enjoy your pregnancy and relax as much as you can. I'm sure that this will work for you, even if you have to troubleshoot a few (and sometimes painful) bumps.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    332

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Quote Originally Posted by nikag View Post
    Thank you sincerely for the reassurance and for your words of encouragement. It sure is nice to know that there is a network of helpful and intelligent women out there who have been through it and want to see you succeed.

    There is one specific concern aside from the pain and frustration part...I am worried about the hospital. I had a friend that when she had her first, the hospital staff took the baby to nursery after delivery and returned baby to mother a few hours later, bottle in mouth. How do I communicate with the hospital staff that I don't want baby being bottle fed of offered a paci, period? Does LLL by chance have an "advocate for hire" or someone that I can have with me who will go to bat for me against this when I'm exhausted, possibly drugged, or otherwise incapable of doing it myself? (Does that make sense? )
    hi there, you've got the right attitude so I'm sure you'll succeed, no matter what difficulties, if any, you encounter at the beginning.
    My advice regarding your worries about the hospital, is aim to have a natural, drug-free birth, I know it does not always work that way, but I believe it helps if you prepare yourself as best you can, and have confidence in your own body to do the job. A natural birth will make the first breastfeed easier, but it is not impossible to have a good start if things don't go as planned. Inform yourself as much as you can about the options (say bfing after cesarean, etc). Have your partner or as a pp suggested a doula with you, to give you support and communicate with the hospital personnel if you're not up to it. Let every nurse/doctor know that you want baby with you at all times, and that you are going to exclusively breastfeed. Put your baby to the breast as soon as you can after birth.
    Best of luck! you can do it!

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Knoxville Tennessee
    Posts
    301

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    I wholeheartedly agree with everything all pp have said and the only thing I can think of to add is Lansinoh. I never had any nipple problems (bleeding, cracking, etc.) and I believe it is because I used Lansinoh every time I got out of the shower for the last couple of weeks maybe a month before birth. I remember being in your shoes, worried, scared, and searching for information. My DH said more than a few times that I was obsessed and well I guess I was/am. I am a good mother, you will be too. Try not to sweat what happens at the hospital too much, it is but a tiny part of what will be the start of your bf relationship. Have your SO keep hospital staff informed of your choices and never be shy about asking questions to the staff. Accept the fact that you will not be prepared no matter how much you think you know, and be comfortable with that. The rest will fall into place.
    Last edited by @llli*kayceesmom; September 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 AM.
    Kristie
    Wife to Chris 11/09/02
    Mommy to Kaycee Elaine 6/15/07
    with baby girl Emily Taylor due 8/08/09

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,423

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Quote Originally Posted by kayceesmom View Post
    Accept the fact that you will not be prepared no matter how much you think you know, and be comfortable with that. The rest will fall into place.
    Oooo! GREAT ADVICE. I think the fact that I was very flexible starting with my birth plan, and really took to heart the advice of mothers that had BTDT really really helped. I had no steadfast plan. I let my child and my heart/instincts lead me to the kind of mother I have become. Truthfully, I was a little surprised at what I Hippie I became at 1st....but I have never doubted any of the choices I have made as a mother. Even though many of them were not the ones I thought I was going to make before he arrived! Go with flow.

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #18
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,807

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    Don't sweat the horror stories! If you don't see/hear about the positive experiences, it's just because moms who aren't having problems don't need to ask as many questions!

    My Mom nursed me and my 2 younger siblings. Back when we were born, there was NO support for breastfeeding. The hospitals where she gave birth had no lactation consultants, and women were being actively discouraged from nursing their babies. No-one came in and showed you how to nurse. If you wanted to do it, you had to figure it out on your own. My Mom's own mother had never nursed any of her 9 babies, and my Mom had rarely seen a baby being breastfed. Nevertheless, she had great nursing experiences- she had 3 nice plump babies without pain or cracking. It was just easy for her!

    I had a different, more difficult experience, but the great thing is that if you do run into problems, there is so much more support nowadays! Just learn as much as you can, go to a LLL meeting, and stay positive! More than likely things will go great for you from day one!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    443

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    I wont lie and say I didn't have a bumpy start but I can't really remember the pain anymore and my DD is 13 months and I am still BF. So All I can say is its worth it, if you have any pain it will go away and its such an amazing bonding experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by nikag View Post

    There is one specific concern aside from the pain and frustration part...I am worried about the hospital. I had a friend that when she had her first, the hospital staff took the baby to nursery after delivery and returned baby to mother a few hours later, bottle in mouth. How do I communicate with the hospital staff that I don't want baby being bottle fed of offered a paci, period? Does LLL by chance have an "advocate for hire" or someone that I can have with me who will go to bat for me against this when I'm exhausted, possibly drugged, or otherwise incapable of doing it myself? (Does that make sense? )

    Wow here in Ontario (and all over Canada I think) the baby stays with you at all times. If there are any tests done they do it in your room, if they have to take the baby somewhere a parent or gardian must be present. Only if the baby is ill will they be in the nusery. Can you ask to keep the baby in your room instead of going to the nusery. I know I was exhausted as she was there at all times but then I had control over BF.

    Either that or before you get exhausted or drugged come to the hospital with a birth plan. Write down what is accetable and what is not and provide it to the docs and nurses. IE mine stated, Drugs only when I think I need them, Ceserean only if it is medically needed (ie baby/me in danger) and I want to BF imediatly and no Pacis or bottles for my baby. That way you are upfront with the docs and nurses so if your tired they know. Or get a friend or Dula to help.
    Kim

    Claire 08/27/06 7lbs 11 onces 21 in.
    Addison (Addi) 10/17/08 8lbs 11 ounces 21 in.


  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    918

    Default Re: Mom to be - scared to death

    I didnt get a chance to read all the other posts, but it doesnt really matter whether I did or not. Im sure ALL the post on here are filled with words of encouragement regardless of horrible experience or not. The thing is, even those of us who do have horror stories and overcame them will tell you that all the pain and drama was TOTALLY WORTH IT.

    I agree that you have to prepare yourself mentally for what it MIGHT be like. Expect the worst and when/if it doesnt happen you will be pleasantly surprised. I had NO IDEA what to expect. I dont have a major horror story. The 1st couple of weeks I was in pain because I'd never heard of Lanolin. Lanolin SAVED my nipples. I owe a HUGE debt of grattitude to the woman who told me about it.
    Aside from the sore nipples the first weeks, I didn't have any other issues. None that were expected at least. I'm definitley going to stress the IMPORTANCE of a GOOD, KNOWLEDGEABLE and SUPPORTIVE doctor. I had a ped tell me to supplement with formula which caused a world of trouble. Had I known better I'd have ignored her "advice" and sought another pediatrician immediately. Despite the doctors failed attempt at RUINING my breastfeeding relationship, I say that it was/is worth it every second.
    I'd have gone through so much worse than what I did, because I was DETERMINED to make this successful. Abby is now 4 months along and I do not have a single regret, and things are going GREAT!

    So...to sum it up, keep in mind that things might happen, but whether yours turns out to be another horror story, or a great triumph, is up to you.

    Good luck with you LO and hang around here, we're always here and ready to give support and advice!

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