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Thread: frusrated

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    103

    Default frusrated

    hi
    hoping someone can help me or tell me at least what might be going on. think i get the hang of BFing and something else comes up. DS will feed like normal then seems to be full and will stop sucking and the nipple will fall out of his mouth, with him still awake sometimes asleep. and 5 minutes later he will be rooting around doing hunger cues. feed him and same thing over and over again. he doesn't do this all the time, maybe once a day. but no amount of feeding him seems to please him and he just scream crys if you dont try to feed him. hes doing this right now and i cant take it anymore, i'm about to start crying, i've been doing this for the last 2 hours with him. he had me up 3 and half hours last night doing this until i gave in and gave him a bottle only about 1oz. so i have no clue what to do now. One breast seems really soft and the other is full, and its been full for a few days now constantly. He sucks on the harder fuller side and milk literally gets everywhere, so i know hes getting milk, perhaps theres too much milk? then theres the other side, which in the morning seems somewhat full than softer after he feeds, (hes got a great latch on this side compared to a somewhat bad latch on the other side) however he does the stop eating thing on this side also. maybe this side doesn't have enough milk?

    anybody have any idea whats going on? hes only 2 1/2 weeks old and i'm completely about to lose it. my husband isn't supportive at all and just yells at me to "Shut him up and Feed Him" duh i'm trying
    please help

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    290

    Default Re: frusrated

    Oh, I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. I really admire you for sticking it out, though, esp with the lack of support. I do not have a whole lot of experience, I'm bfing my first 5 month old son. But I just wanted to give some encouragement and to let you know it does get easier. You are doing a great job! Those first few weeks are really tough and the lack of sleep was terribly hard for me to deal with. It is normal for newborns to cluster feed. I remember I went through that with my son, he would eat and eat, and fuss. I had to keep switching him from breast to breast. It was exhausting, but it got better! Also sometimes one of our breasts is usually a little bit more efficient at producing milk than the other - maybe that would explain the difference in the one being more engorged than the other? Like I said I'm new at this too, just wanted to give you some support. <<hugs>> Jessica

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,168

    Default Re: frusrated

    Zoey -- First of all, with your permission, I'd like to give your husband a virtual kick in the 'nads.

    There, that made me feel better.

    Seriously, though. What is your husband thinking? Aargh. Ignore him. You're doing great.

    Babies fuss and do wierd and mysterious things sometimes. It's a constant process of playing detective, trying to figure out what baby needs, using trial and error, with lots and lots of "error" if you're anything like I was with a newborn. But that's OK! If he's nursing well at most feedings, if he's making good diapers and gaining weight, then you're doing FINE. The rest of it is just ... part of the package of caring for a newborn, KWIM? If you were formula-feeding instead of breastfeeding, chances are he would still have this fussy period of wanting to eat or suck constantly. Don't be in such a rush to blame the breastfeeding or your breasts or your milk supply. Believe in your body and in your instincts.

    I hope things settled down after you posted and you got some sleep. My advice to you is to not worry so much about all the little details of breastfeeding and just nurse when he cues to nurse, and sleep EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. You will feel better and be able to cope with the unhelpful hubby better too.

    Have you figured out how to nurse lying down yet? Remember, it's not safe on a sofa or in a recliner, but on a bed with a normal mattress (not waterbed), being careful about where the pillows are and how heavy the blankets are, it's a good way to nurse when you're just too exhausted to cope. We didn't figure out the side-lying thing until my son was about 5 weeks old, but once we got the hang of it my life was SAVED because I was finally getting enough rest to survive.

    --Rebecca

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    189

    Smile Re: frusrated

    Sounds like Little one may be going through a growth spurt. Also, they are really trying to establish your supply in the first couple weeks. Hang in there, you're doing great. I remember those days, seemed like I nursed day and night, it will get better.

    I agree about learning to nurse lying down. I started trying within the first few days. I started by sitting on the bed and getting him latched on well then slowly laying down. It worked for me and if you can have a nap afterwards all the better. Nursing laying down also seemed to help me to recharge a little even if I didn't actually get to take a nap.

    As for the breast thing, I had the same problem, still occasionally do. When DS was really little I tried to get him to nurse often from the side that he seemed to have a harder time latching onto just so he would get the hang of it.

    I'm sorry you don't have the support at home, but keep in mind you would be doing more work if you were bottle feeding. You may want to remind your husband of that too. Making the formula, trying to get it heated up while your little one is screaming for it. And let me tell you, if he is crying for it now and all you have to do is pop out a breast and nurse within seconds of the crying, imagine getting up to heat bottles, that will only prolong the crying. I just can't imagine doing that to my little one.

    You are providing the very best for your little one and it will get better, I promise you.

    If you can get to an LLL meeting in your area go for it, you'll get support there. If not, talk to friends who nursed if you have some, and remember you will always find support here.


    Take care, Deb

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    134

    Default Re: frusrated

    Zoey,
    1st I want you to know you are not alone--I and thousands of other new Moms know exactly how you feel. My heart goes out to you. You are in the right place, on this website. My son is 4 weeks & everday seems to start out great, I have a renewed sense of sticking with BF'ing and then by about 4:00 in the afternoon, I just want to cry too. Not everyday anymore, but there at the beginning I just knew I was going to lose it!!! Just keep doing what you are doing and like Rebecca said trust your body and your baby---they are made for each other and for BF'ing. For me just reading the encouraging messages from others on this forum really helps, lets me know I'm really not crazy and it gives me hope that one day I'll wake up & it will be easier. Also, I TOTALLY agree w/ Rebecca about side-lying BF'ing. I thought it would be hard, I mean I could barely do it sitting up and then to think about it lying down in the dark......... BUT it is great, I am finally able to get some sleep and ds sleeps so great lying right next to me. Hopefully your husband just needs some sleep too and he will begin to get more supportive as the days go on, until then, keep posting there's plenty of support & encouragement here. Sounds like to me you are doing great and love your baby very much.
    Dawn

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    52

    Default Re: frusrated

    Well i am having the same probelms with my ds atm, especially at night( has me up 3-4 hrs everynight). What helped me somewhat was to let him nurse from one breast for the entire nursing period, then when he fell asleep and woke for his next meal , i offered him the other breast, by the time he was finished i noticed he was getting the real thick milk, thus keeping his tummy happy for a bit longer then usual. he seemed to calm down a bit once i started doing that. But like i said i am in the same boat as you, hope it helps a bit, and like everyone says you're not alone and sounds like you're doing an excellent job, and i agree with Quakermomma, i second the nad motion. My husband doesn't really encourage me with the bfing, but he also doesn't yell mean spirited things to me, just tune him out

    if ya need to talk to anyone feel free to email me

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    103

    Default Re: frusrated

    Thanks for the words of support
    I've tried the laying down thing a few times but theres no tv in the bedroom =P

    I tried the one breast at a time thing, actually how i was doing it until this started happening now i'm giving him both after the 1st doesnt seem to please him. I switched positions on my right side and he seems to have a better latch now. I know its not a lack of milk as hes still pooping and peeing up a storm. And hes gaining weigh. its just the constant crying and not being satified with nursing thats getting to me. hope it does go away soon. never realized just how hard this would be. always figured it was just feed them and that was it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    290

    Default Re: frusrated

    Maybe it's not the nursing that is making your little one so upset. When my baby boy was that age I found that I blamed everything on my ability to feed him and his fussiness. It is hard when you are the one that they rely on for everything and it can be overwhelming. Maybe he has gas, since babies can only cry it's hard to know for sure what is going on all the time. Sometimes they get fussy at a particular time and it's not anything you're doing or not doing. My heart really goes out to you, I would never have been able to do it that first month w/ out my dh support and bringing me back to reality numerous times. You are such a trooper! I didn't know about this website back then either, I wish I had, it would've been nice to have all the great support here. Jessica

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    435

    Default Re: frusrated

    Oh darlin - you are doing GREAT - keep it up.

    First I want to address hubby. I know that dads can feel very frustrated at a crying breast fed baby - because there is nothing they can do to soothe them for hunger. I also know dads can have a hormone flux just like moms after baby is born.

    But what I also know is that based upon what you told us, he is verbally and emotionally abusing you. That is not ok. Is is not acceptable - nor is it even nice. I went through a similar situation with my ex and it didn't turn out well. I would highly suggest talking to your Dr, a counselor or friend about it. Tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and you will not tolerate him yelling about a baby who has fundamental needs.

    Now, the eating - my LLL leader said to sit topless and have dd at the breast 24/7 for 2 weeks. I thought she was kidding - but was willing to try anything - and she ate and ate and ate - gotta remember the tummy is small at that age. And soon we got into a rhythem. You are a team - and you need to be together on this. Have you contacted a LLL group in your area?

  10. #10

    Default Re: frusrated

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffs_hope

    Now, the eating - my LLL leader said to sit topless and have dd at the breast 24/7 for 2 weeks. I thought she was kidding - but was willing to try anything - and she ate and ate and ate - gotta remember the tummy is small at that age. And soon we got into a rhythem.
    If it turns out your little one just wants to nurse all of the time you might want to look in to a sling or a moby wrap. I am sure it seems like this is my answer to everything but honestly, side lying nursing and the sling are the only two things that kept me from going nuts in the beginning. My dd was latched on to me 20 hours a day for the first several weeks of her life. My dh would ask me all of the time "Is she eating?" and I always answered "I don't know but she's not crying."

    Hang in there,
    Kelly
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

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