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Thread: I miss her soooo much ...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    35

    Unhappy I miss her soooo much ...

    Today is my 2nd day back at work ... I'm a complete wreck.

    I miss her so much .. I feel like I'm carrying a 50lb weight on my chest.

    I miss her mornings.. Her beautiful smiles and "agoos" in the morning. Her little toes... Smelling her.... laying down gazing at her beautiful face. It's driving me insane that I'm not nursing her.. Her beautiful eyes looking at me .. or her little hand resting ontop of my breast. I hate feeling someone else is with her... when it's my job. I nourished her.. it's what I'M suppose to do ...

    Nobody can love and care for her like I do.

    How do I get through it - How did all of you get through it? Does it get easier? Will the guilt and saddness I feel ever go away?

    I'm so afraid she won't think of me as her mom ... I'm petrified that when I get home she wont want my breast .. that she'll only want the bottle....

  2. #2

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    It gets better, I promise. I bawled my first week back. And honestly, I still have my moments. But when you walk in the door and her eyes light up and you know that she missed you but that she knew you would be back - then you know you are doing a good job. Your love for your daughter comes through in your post. She knows you love her, she knows that you will be back. She will pull on your shirt until you let her nurse and then nurse like she hasn't eaten in a month!!

    You don't love her any less just because she is not in your arms right now. It works both ways. Her little heart and mind is not nearly as busy as yours. You think your love for her is all consuming - so is her's for you! She won't forget. I promise.

    My heart is just breaking for you, you sound just like me. I was ready to sell our house, move somewhere cheaper, get rid of all my worldly posessions because leaving her just seemed so terribly wrong. She was MY baby, she needed me. I think I was afraid of discovering that maybe I needed her, too! Maybe even more than she needed me! But back at work a few days a week I am remembering the rest of me, and this will make me a better mother. You, too.

    PM me if you like and I will give you my work email - you can drop me a line anytime in the middle of the day and I will write you right back a quick word of encouragement. Nobody I knew when I went back to work understood and it made it harder to sit at my desk with tears in my eyes.

    You said it best - nobody can love and care for her like you do. She won't forget. Not how to to nurse, not who her mama is. She loves you just as much. Maybe even more! I promise.

    It's the fierce devotion and intense love you are feeling that will make you a good parent. trust yourself, you're doing the right thing for your family.

    Hang in there, and seriously I will give you my email in a heartbeat. I completely understand. Hang in there,
    Kelly
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    222

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    When I went back to work in 2001, it was very hard that first day, leaving my daughter with my MIL. Cried alot! But it does get easier, you will see she thrives at the sitters. Babies are very flexable. You will generally always have a little sense of guilt, what is motherhood with out some guilt, but that also gets better. When my son was born this Feb, he starting going to the MIL three months later and it wasn't hard at all. I knew he was in good hands and the child will not grow up scared. What was really nice was that I started work part-time for two weeks, then went back to full. This was a real nice transition. My MIL was instructed to give him his last bottle around 2:30, so when he saw me at 4:15 he would be hungary. We have never had nipple confusion problem going from MIL (bottle) back to me in the evening. Good luck and know "this too shall pass". I and many other women on this forum use that montra.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    929

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    I start back to work a week from tomorrow. I am already devastated. How am I possibly going to leave DS?! Everyone tells me that it will get easier and I try to tell my self that I will only be working 4 days a week and will be working an early shift so will be home early in the afternoon but.....

    I will be feeling your pain next week. Hang in there. I have to know that it's possible to fulfill my own career goals while still being the best mom to my DS.

    Jennifer
    Amazed and Proud mom of Luke (Lucas) - 4/5/2006; 9 lbs 12 oz , 22in
    Wife to best friend Carl - 11/4/2001

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    361

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    I am so sorry hon. Leaving them to go back to work is completly and utterly the most painful experience ever.

    It will get better, I promise. She will not forget who you are, don't worry about that at all. Do your best to maximize the time that you have to spend with her so that you can have those times to think about while you are at work.

    If you are worried about her missing you, make sure she has a lovely that smells like you. Babies know their mommy's smell. Sleep with a baby blanket for a few nights and then send it to the sitters with her. It will help ease your mind about her missing you during the day.

    I will be thinking about you.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,073

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    Big hug!! I went back to work @ 8 weeks with my first child many years ago. I was lucky enough to have in home child care but went through all those feelings you are experiencing. I was most definately on the phone w/ the cp more than I was working that first week. However, dd was fine and those smiles everyone is talking about when I arrived home were priceless! That dd is now almost 14 years old. With my second LO who is now 5 months old I haven't yet returned to work however that day is looming close. I know I will again, even having done it before, go through the whole gamut of emotions of missing her, thinking I'm a bad mom, thinking she isn't being taken care of etc. It's a rough thing to go thru but babies are resiliant and they don't forget who we are. Think you're a great mama for providing for your child! Good info on pp about lovey that smells like you. I did that and still do that for that off chance when hubby and I get a date night. Returning to work is painful, just spend as much time as you can w/ your LO when you're together. It will get easier as you get back into the routine and remember that she loves you mama!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,198

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    Sigh.....I feel your pain and empathize from the heart. There is no denying it; what you are going through is so so hard. It hurts. It just does.

    But you know what? The fact that it hurts as much as it does is very strong evidence of the unbreakable bond that you have forged with your DD. There is very little anyone can tell you that will reassure you enough, but you are doing wonderfully with making the leap of faith... Your DD WILL love you. She will learn - and this is so important - that when you leave, you COME BACK. She will not forget you. How could she? You hold her and rock her and comfort her. You share her joy, you kiss away her tears. You bathe her. You nurture her. You feed her from your body. You grew her. You have a bond with her that no one can replace, no one can diminish. You value every moment you have with her -- and you value you them even more because you have to suffer through moments not with her.

    I cried the whole way to work nearly every day my first week back at work. We are lucky to have in-home care during the days and I spent several days at home while the nanny was getting adjusted to J and vice versa. My first couple of days at work, I had DH stay home so he could help be continuity for J. And still, I cried. For the first several months, I only worked 4 days OTH and was at home - no nanny - with J. That was my favorite day, even moreso than weekends because it was JUST mommy and baby. And then every Thursday was hell. I'd get to work, a 45 minute commute away, and sit in the parking lot and cry and force myself to go into the building and not turn around and drive home. My point in telling you this is not to make you feel bad, but to let you know that you are not alone. THIS IS HARD. But it does gradually get better. It's a slow process and you'll have days even months from now that are hard. It's just your heart - and that's a good thing.

    And I tell you, the second that J sees either DH or me appear (heck, he knows the sounds of our cars and gets totally excited when he hears them), his little face explodes into pure joy. You'll never forget the sight of your LO crawling, then running to hug you when you get home..... Cherish and make the most of your time with your DD and you all will be fine. Love is limitless and if you surround your DD with your love, that's what she will know - whether you are there in person all the time or not.

    PM me if you want more one-to-one encourgement or if you are having a particularly bad day.... you can do this..... take it easy on yourself and take it one day at a time.....

    hang in there..........good luck..........linda

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    I didn't post the original message in this thread, but would just like to acknowledge the very thoughtful and helpful responses. As a new mom who is going back to work - very reluctantly - in a few weeks, I'm experiencing similar emotions about work and leaving my daughter in daycare, and it is comforting for me, too, to read the perspectives of those who have been through it before.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    929

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    Overwhelmed-first timer-

    How are you holding up now that you've been back a few more days? How is DD reacting? Is she settling in to her new environment? Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.....The closer I get to next Tuesday when I go back the work the more anxiety builds up and I start second guessing my decision to leave

    Jennifer
    Amazed and Proud mom of Luke (Lucas) - 4/5/2006; 9 lbs 12 oz , 22in
    Wife to best friend Carl - 11/4/2001

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    35

    Default Re: I miss her soooo much ...

    Thank you very very very much for all your wonderful responses.

    I honestly haven't gone back to look at this post ... as it makes me cry each time I read it.

    You've all said wonderful things and I appreciate it - You don't know how your supportive words can touch someone.

    I'm doing okay ... still crying ... the guilt is still there. Instead of it leaving .. seems like I'm just getting use to it. ugh. It's gotten better .... the morning are the worst as I remember how happy of a baby she is in the morning.

    Even at 4:45 AM .. She's up with me giving me HUGE smiles and loud "agoos" as I walk around the room getting dressed.

    God, I still miss her so much.... I've been praying for Him to provide me a way to stay at home...

    .. I have this desperation for her love as well. I want her to want me... I need to know she knows I'm mommy and loves me more ... Isn't that odd?

    My schedule is work then her ... My husband is so understanding. I get home and nurse her... We'll lay down together or I'll just hold her on the couch ... My husband gets home and does it all... dinner, getting things ready for the next morning as I sit and enjoy her. I'm sure it can't be like this forever .. but right now... It's all the time I have

    The thought of seeing her crawling to me brings tears to my eyes again ..

    My angel is doing great - Perfect. The first day she cried for a hour and a half ... I left my office to go back to her ... the next day it was me crying for the entire day ... She's great now though ...She doesn't like the bottle .. we've gone through 4 different kinds of nipples and just said "Forget it" - She'll have to get use to one (BOTTLES / NIPPLES CAN GET EXPENSIVE!). She eats enough JUST to satisfy her... but when she sees it.. it's marathon lengths.

    Could she realize this at 9 weeks already? Could she know to favor my breast vs. bottles? Could she miss me already?

    Mommyto3 - You are right. It is utterly the most pain I've felt in such a long time.

    Thank you so much Linda - You words are amazing.

    Luke's Mom - My husband talks to me about my feelings each morning as I cry. (He's learned amazing communication skills since we've gotten pregnant ... lol) A wonderful way he's helped me see it ... we are doing this FOR her .. not TO her. We want her to have a future .. to grow in a nice neighborhood .. to have a playyard, a puppy, a yard to run in, a good school to attend, sports to be involved in, colleges to chose from, a wedding one day .... We are doing it for her future ...

    I'll be sleeping w/ a nice soft blanket tonight to give her the next day .. Thank you for that advice

    I've been long winded as usual - sorry. Thank you all again!

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