It makes me sad. I thought it would be a nice, quiet, peaceful bonding time for us but it really isnt. I KNOW its the best thing for her and good for me too but I am starting to wonder if I am meant to be doing this...
It started so well and now it just seems to get worse. She has started fussing and yanking on me and spits up almost every feed. I still think I have a heavy let down (Its borderline painful when it happens and it happens at least twice a feed) I have read so much about what to do to fix that and my oversupply. I have worked with a consultant twice. I am always wondering if she gets enough or too much or if she has allergies to things I eat. Is her rash really baby acne or eczema because of something I ate? Does she have reflux or is this spitting up normal? These things run through my head all the time. She eats constantly. Every hour and half during the day and sometimes at night .. although last night was three hour increments so that was better. I am tired of my boobs dripping, of wearing nursing pads and not being able to wear my normal clothes. I am afraid to feed in public in fear that she will start screaming or throw up all over my boob mid feed. I am modest too. I have spent the past four weeks of my life totally obsessing about when she will want to eat next. I have barely even left the house.
This really isnt what I thought it would be and I dont want to throw in the towel but sometimes I think it will make me a more sane person to switch to formula.
I am aiming for six weeks and to reevaluate then in hopes that things improve.
Is it normal for me to feel this way? Will it get better? Easier? Because so far its only getting worse.