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Thread: Don't offer, don't refuse?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    My DS is also 13 mo. We have always nursed on demand, not on a schedule. DS "asks" to nurse using sign language and is pretty good at asking whenever he needs a little mommy milk. I've been working on teaching DS the sign for "food / eat" which he gets right most of the time.

    Recently, when DS signs "milk", I ask him: "Do you want "food" (with the sign) or "milk" (also signing)?"

    Often he'll respond with the sign for "food" and I'll give him a snack. Sometimes the snack is what he really wanted and he'll be satisfied, other times he'll finish the snack and then sign "milk" so we'll nurse also.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    1,987

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    If you haven't already, you might check out How Weaning Happens and Mothering your nursing Toddler. 13 months can be an especially high demand time for some. You might be able to get through by distracting when you feel like "we've already nursed twice in the last hour" and just waiting it out a bit, too.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    470

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    I am also confused by that "don't offer, don't refuse" line. So thanks for posting this thread.

    My son (15 months) wants to feed almost every time he sees me seated down! If I feel like he's asking once too many times, I try to offer him food or a snack instead and he sometimes accepts that. But we nurse down to sleep mostly. He is teething premolars now and that seems to make him want to nurse more often and for longer. I was hoping we'd wean at about 2, but I am not sure if that'll happen, at the rate things are going.
    Caylen Koen Chew (25/05/06)
    Lost No.2 in Aug 2008 ... Lost No. 3 in May 2009 Hoping for another ... Enjoying No.1



  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    203

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    My DS is 19 months old and he is down to only nursing at nights. This just happened in the last few weeks. Before that he was nursing atleast 3-5 time during the day. I have no idea how many times during the night thanks to cosleeping! Lately he's been a busy boy and I think he forgets to nurse. He spends most of his days playing with his sister which helps me alot. I'm hoping to have him weaned by 2. I feel nursing is important but I'm ready to be done within 6 months. Besides, we are going to ttc within a year.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    When I tried not offering my dd one day she only nursed 2x that day and she is 1 year old. I started feeling sad about the whole thing and started offering her now she is back to 3 or 4x a day.
    I think it's a great way to do it once they get older if that's what you want.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,453

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    Thank you all for the insights. Today I tried to keep us really busy and Zach seemed to go longer between nursings. The times he seems most amenable to skipping are the morning feedings between getting up for the day and lunch. (Probably because he nurses the entire time between 5 and 7am.) So today we got up, had breakfast, got dressed and went to the park, played, had a snack, walked home, and had lunch. All that time (3.5 hours) he only asked to nurse 3 times and seemed happy to have apples as an alternative.

    And I think that avoiding the places where he likes to nurse all the time (at the computer or in the sling) when I want to space out the feedings a bit will really help too.

    My DS is also 13 mo. We have always nursed on demand, not on a schedule. DS "asks" to nurse using sign language and is pretty good at asking whenever he needs a little mommy milk. I've been working on teaching DS the sign for "food / eat" which he gets right most of the time.

    Recently, when DS signs "milk", I ask him: "Do you want "food" (with the sign) or "milk" (also signing)?"

    Often he'll respond with the sign for "food" and I'll give him a snack. Sometimes the snack is what he really wanted and he'll be satisfied, other times he'll finish the snack and then sign "milk" so we'll nurse also.
    This sounds very much like Zach except that I think he's decided that he will use the "milk" sign to mean food or eating, in general. When he's eating at his high chair he'll fiinish what he has and then sign "more" followed by "milk". I was taking it to mean he wanted to nurse but, DH suggested that he might just be using it for all food. I think he just might be right. I'll keep working with Zach on the "eat" sign for food (which he now seems to think means "shove some food into mommy's mouth") to help him communicate more precisely.

    Anyway, I feel better today that we will be able to come to a nursing-frequency compromise soon.
    Thanks!
    Katie
    Just one more fanatical cloth diaper convert...
    Mom to Morgan (01/10/04) and Zachary (07/12/06)
    What are M & Z up to now?

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    Quote Originally Posted by FluffyN View Post
    This sounds very much like Zach except that I think he's decided that he will use the "milk" sign to mean food or eating, in general. When he's eating at his high chair he'll fiinish what he has and then sign "more" followed by "milk". I was taking it to mean he wanted to nurse but, DH suggested that he might just be using it for all food. I think he just might be right. I'll keep working with Zach on the "eat" sign for food (which he now seems to think means "shove some food into mommy's mouth") to help him communicate more precisely.
    I suspected my DS was using the "milk" sign generically for all food every time he was hungry. That's when I started asking (after he signed) do you want "food" (with me signing). About half the time he'll respond by doing the "food" sign back, saying his "yes" noise, and nodding.

    If I know he definitely wants to nurse (first thing in the morning, right when he gets home from day care, bedtime) I nurse and don't even counter offer food as an option.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    37

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    I started trying the "don't offer, don't refuse" method and so far it seems to be working. My lo is 16 months and we are expecting #4...I am very, very sore. I realized after trying this method that at night I wasn't even waiting for him...at the first signs of waking, I pulled him close and he latched on without even fully waking. I stopped doing that and he immediately started sleeping longer at night. He hasn't nursed at night in three days and something I didn't expect...he doesn't ask to nurse during the day that much anymore either. He'll nurse one time in the morning, once in the evening before bed, and maybe a time or two during the day if he's just really having a hard time.
    I'm starting to think I'm the one who was keeping him from weaning by offering all the time!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    37

    Default Re: Don't offer, don't refuse?

    [QUOTE=epbrown;275138]

    I am in agreement with Shelly right now...since my supply dwindled as a result of pregnancy, Haylee has been sick 5 times...in 6 months . Tonsilitis 3 times, strep throat, and an ear infection. Very sad. And she isn't exposed much at all...just to one other kid on a regular basis. Nursing is so beneficial...and I am anxious for my renewed supply so I can give her breastmilk in a sippy cup, and hope that she will want to resume nursing.

    [QUOTE]

    Ok, an older post, but don't go guilting that partial wean or decrease supply caused 'LO's increased infections. Mine was the "gun-hoe, don't have to ask because I will demand it anytime those things swing past me" kind of boy who has had endless cold's and ear infections (of course starting starting 2 days after we introduced to daycare, stinking little snots!) despite aplenty of the yummy stuff. This is just the age it hits, but at least when it does, I am thankful I know the #1 request! I don't know how momma's who don't bf (but that is ok, their choice!) handle it...hubby calls it my secret weapon or the "knock-out boob"...gee, not a sexy as it sounds

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