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Thread: So very sad, need advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    31

    Unhappy So very sad, need advice

    I have been a stay at home mom since my dd was born 2/10/06. We thought this was a permenant thing but the funding for my husbands job was cut - resulting in him probably taking another job working days and making much less- so I have go back to work full time. We just found this out today and I start back in 4 days. I will be working 11pm to 6am, 5 days a week. I thought this would be best since she usually sleeps most of that time and only wakes for one feeding. I want to continue breastfeeding but will pump while at work. Is there a type of bottle/nipple that will be better to keep her from prefering a bottle? I also worry that she will have a hard time. my husband will be home with her when I am at work and I will be with her in the day time whike he works. it just seems he can't soothe her when she gets upset and that makes her more upset. I have witnessed this when i am making dinner and he is watching her. She works herself into a fit that sounds like she is crying in pain. He is really good with her but it takes mommy to calm her down. I also wanted anyone input on this, a friend of his told my hubby that since I have been able to stay at home with my dd for 3 months that my hubby should be able to be a stay at home dad while I work. Well...he isn't the one who is breastfeeding and he made about 3X what I alone will be able to make. His friend said that he would trade with any stay at home mom because it is like a party, go to the zoo today, go somewhere else the next day and so on. I dunno I feel really sad. I have never been around a baby before mine and every day is magic, it's amazing. I feel like I am going to really miss out on her growing up now. Any advice or suggestions will be appreiciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    222

    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    Well, firt of all your husband's friend probably wouldn't cut it for two hours as a Stay at home dad! We all know that while it can be fun, it can also be the hardest thing you'll ever do, short of maybe those people who put on the big blast-proof suits and disarm bombs. (And there are even days that I think I might like to try that rather than change another poopy diaper!)

    Anyway, sorry to hear you'll be going back to work sooner than you wanted. I had hoped to take a full year off at least, but ended up back at work when DD was almost 5 months. I'll be honest, the last day I was at home I cried all day because I couldn't imagine leaving her the next day. It was really hard, but it DOES get easier. Your husband and baby might take a little while getting used to each other, but they'll figure out a way to make it work. Can you spend a little more time going out when your husband's home over the next few weeks so they have to spend more time together one on one?

    Pumping stinks, at least I think so, and you may find that even though you're only away for one feeding you might have to pump more than once to get enough milk. The pump just isn't as efficient as the baby. With my schedule, I only missed 2 feedings, but I usually pumped 3 times (until recently--she's almost a year so she's really spacing out her feedings now).

    Anyway, I hope everything works out OK. Hang in there, it stinks but after the first couple of weeks, you'll both get more used to it...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    31

    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    Thanks for your kind words of advice. It's a good idea to give them some time together in the next few days before I go back to work. Maybe i'll feel better if I see that they are gonna be ok with each other. Take care.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    31

    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    Pumping is not horrible, it's fine. You've gotta give dad a chance to do his thing with baby. She's been with you and it's hard for dads for the first couple months with moms who bf. Give him a chance to find his groove with baby, and he'll do fine. My dh has done great with both our dd's, but I couldn't expect that he'd do things the same way I did, or micromanage him when our dd's got fussy. He found his own way to soothe them. At age 3, our first is daddy's little girl, and our 2nd (age 6 mos) grins ear to ear when she sees him.

    I hope your work is supportive, and you'll find a happy balance with work and home. Please, consider getting someone to help you during the day when you're not working, maybe plan on daycare a couple days per week for your baby. You won't be much fun on no sleep.

  5. #5
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    Apr 2006
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    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    His friend said that he would trade with any stay at home mom because it is like a party, go to the zoo today, go somewhere else the next day and so on.
    Let me tell you, and sorry if I sound rude, but his friend is pathetic and ignorant, that just shows he has no clue about parenting. when my DH gets home he rather clean around the house that deal with the kids, that's to show how hard parenting can be!

    I'm sorry about your situation, it's definitely heartbreaking, especially after you thought you were going to stay. I work with my first baby, and it was so hard. I was in the military and I spend a lot of time separated from her. The last six months before I was getting out I saved money and try to pay off some debt, I was pregnant with my second one an decided not to re-enlist. 10 months later I'm still doing some life styles changes, trying to adjust and stretching my budget, it has been hard but so far we got enough to eat an pay bills. Try saving some money and stick to a budget and especially avoid unnecessary debt, maybe in the future you might be able to stay at home with your LO or LOnes!

    And like the pp said, you DH and baby will get use to each. Look at the bright side, at least baby will be with her parents 24/7, it beat BB-sitter any time!

  6. #6

    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    The first few days back at work will be an adjustment for all of you. But, you will all adjust. Daddy and baby will take few days to find their rhythm, but he'll figure it out. He's daddy, after all! ;-)

    Bottle options: go with a slow-flow nipple. it may take some experimentation to find a bottle nipple that she likes, so be flexible. Most breastfed infants usually prefer silicon nipples instead of rubber ones. When feeding with a bottle, have daddy hold baby upright, so the bottle is parallel to the floor. This makes baby work for the milk flow, instead of having it just pour into her mouth. Experiment with positions, too.

    There are also alternatives to using a bottle, if you're open to them. Medicine droppers, spoons, medicine cups, shot glasses, tube feedings, get creative! There are lots of ways to feed a baby.
    Shannon
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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    Shannon, do you think the Medela Hazelbaker FingerFeeder would be a good idea? I know it's use to teach non-latching babies, but it looks to me like a good option to a bottle.

  8. #8

    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    I've seen it successfully used for infants in a daycare situation. :-)
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

  9. #9
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    Apr 2006
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    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    Where from VA are you?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    31

    Default Re: So very sad, need advice

    update
    Ok, 2nd nite at work and we got off work early. DD cried an hour and a half for my DH the first nite. He said nothing made her happy....he thinks she just wanted me. Tonite she only cried 30 min. So they are learning to deal w/each other. It seems she is eating less from the bottle while I am gone than she should be eating. Is this normal? Is it because she is upset and will start to eat more or does she just not like a bottle so only eats a little? This won't make her sick will it? I guess I am just paranoid. Thanks for all of your support. It is priceless.

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