Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: Any other babies like mine?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    47

    Unhappy Any other babies like mine?

    Ohhhh...... I totally NEED to vent! And, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a baby like mine.

    She is 8.5 months old, and about 27 pounds.... I know kellymom and LLL and some other books I've read say not to worry about weight in either direction but 27 pounds looks pretty ridiculous on such a little 8 month old. So I worry she's eating too much.... and I'm worried everyone else thinks I'm feeding her too much.

    Besides that since the day she was born she has been a stinker to put to sleep! I can't stand it, it is beginning to get soooo frustrating. I have her on a strict schedule now, but even nursing her to sleep, it is still quite a challenge to get her to sleep! Why??! She struggles even while she is sucking to toss and turn, and if I let her; she just starts tossing and turning, then trying to crawl then next thing you know she is sliding off the bed and crying at the same time, of course because she is sooo tierd... so I hold her in the same position weather she likes it or not and stick my boob in her face (which I wonder if that is causing the weight) and sometimes she cries loudly for about 5 min, then finally sucks and goes to sleep.... or she'll whimper gently for just a couple min, then suck and go to sleep.

    For the longest time when she acted like that I just let her get up... but I realize now that hasn't been good for her, she becomes overtierd... then that's the end of any hopes for a decent day!

    Also she seems to be very high maintenance! Like having to be entertained or something needs to be very highly stimulating or else she gets bored and she HATES to be bored and she lets me know. So I am constantly entertaining and playing and taking her here and taking her there to keep her stimulated and keep her learning... which I don't mind that part at all... I live for that part of it... but she does not like to cuddle!!! That really is starting to get to me. She hates kisses and anything that gets too close to her face. So I feel like, Oh come on Kaylee all this I go through for you and you can't just give me one little cuddle or kiss. I always steel them from her, which makes her fussy for a couple of minutes. She's not even cuddly when she is tired or hurt or anything.. it's like when she's tired or anything else she does the opposite of laying her head on my shoulder for comfort she pushes away and the only thing that stops her from crying or fussing is something interesting or stimulating to her!! Oh I feel soo jipped! Sometimes I feel like I just want her to be comforted by ME. By me holding and cuddling her, not something else, not the milk coming out of my boob, but ME! And sometimes I just feel like I need to feel her hug me... maybe she's still too young yet? I dunno

    anyone else have babies like this, or am I the only one? I hope my next one is more loving!

    Thanks for letting me vent! ugh!
    Last edited by Alissa; May 13th, 2006 at 09:07 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    I can relate to the big baby that everyone comments on. My son was 29 pounds at one year and everyone would make comments that implied my son ate too much. My doc said that it is more genetic. DS never ate on demand but still gained quickly. I was a fat baby too....just try to ignore people's comments. I personally think chubby bubbies are too cute! My doc said he would rather see a chubby happy baby than one who struggles to gain weight. My son is now almost two and a half and only weighs 32 pounds. He only gained 3 pounds in almost a year and a half. It slows down!! Don't worry. Also, at that age he was too busy to cuddle. I thought it would never get better, but now when he has a boo boo, Mommy is the only one whose kiss works to make it better. She will come to appreciate you soon. She's just a little too into the world around her to stop and show you how much she loves and needs you.
    About the sleep issues....I come from the train of thought that babies have to learn how to fall asleep. WE have to teach them a little bit. It doesn't always come naturally for them. It is difficult, but in the end you have a happy well rested baby. And a well rested mom. There are a bunch of good books out that can help you. Youhave to decide your philosophy and maybe read a couple to see what will work for you and your lo. Good luck. And maybe try to get out a little on your own. I know both me and my Lo's appreciate each other more when I've had some mommy time to think and relax. I like to go to a book store and read magazines or parenting books. Just a thought!!! Hope things get better soon.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    18

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    {{{Hugs}}}
    Have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley or The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems by Tracey Hogg. I'm reading them both to help me get my baby to sleep and they're pretty helpful.
    Three of my friends had babies who were about that weight at 8 months (if not sooner) and they looked adorable! One is now 27 months and tall, lean and still adorable. My little one is 3 mths so who knows what the future holds. I'm sure your dd is adorable too
    Lots of luck!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,813

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    They do get skinnier after they turn one and start getting very active. Mine was almost 8 lbs when born, by six months she more than triple her weight (used 24 mos clothes) and when she turned one she was 33 lbs. She was only BF for the first six and not exclusively though. Nobody would believe she was mine since I didn't even reach 110. All my friends used to call her different names, from chubby thing to miss piggy. But she'd slim down, on 2 1/2 yrs she only gain 8 lbs (she's 3 1/2 and weights 41 lbs). I wouldn't worry so much now.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,168

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    Alissa -- It sounds like you are feeling really frustrated by trying to care for a baby with an intense personality. I had a lot of troubles helping my son settle down to sleep when he was about the same age. I think babies, especially the really physical & active ones, around this age get so wound up just through the normal course of the day, that they don't know how to unwind and relax, even though they are very tired. It can be very upsetting to deal with.

    One trick I found very helpful around this age was to wear my son in a sling and walk or rock to soothe him. Just nursing didn't do the trick any more! Sometimes we nursed in the sling while I was walking around, but I also found that standing under a rotating ceiling fan seemed to give him something interesting but unstimulating to look at, and he would eventually give up and doze. Or I might rock him in the sling while I sat at the computer doing something really mindless like playing solitaire. I also found that the more attention I paid to him -- like talking or singing -- the more wound-up he got. I think the sling helped restrain those active little arms and legs, kind of like swaddling does for a newborn. So if he was snug in the sling, close to me, and I was moving but not really paying attention to him ... he got enough "space" from all the stimulation to finally relax.

    Once he was deeply asleep (a good 20 minutes after falling asleep), I could carefully lay him down, sling and all (by slipping it over my head) and tiptoe away. We often had luck extending his naps if I got to him the second he started to rouse and nursed him back down into deep sleep, before he had time to completely wake up.

    For the rest of it -- her intense nature, the refusal to cuddle, the need for lots of entertainment -- she sounds like a classic "spirited child" or "high-needs baby." I recommend the Dr. Sears book _The Fussy Baby_ and also _Raising Your Spirited Child_ by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Both of these books will help you find a perspective that lets you look past the power struggles and disappointments, to see the opportunities and many delights of loving a child who Knows Her Own Mind. She definitely needs, loves, and adores her mother -- she just has her own way of showing that -- believe me! Her future happiness, especially in a world that requires "good" girls to be all pliable sweetness and sunshine, is going to depend _heavily_ on your loving guidance and the self-esteem and self-discipline she will learn at your breast and at your knee. You have a big job ahead of you, but what an amazing opportunity as well!

    --Rebecca

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    about not being cuddly... I read an artical that talked about how some babies just don't like to be held. it suggested more face to face interaction. my own 15m DD is like this. every once in a while I'll get lucky and she'll climb into my lap for a quick snuggle and then she'll hop right down. she was a very colicky, high needs baby and even now she has an attitude way to big for her age.

    have you tried to keep her attention on you while you lay down? perhaps singing or telling her a story while you lay there and, not trying to cuddle, but stroking her arms or head. mine liked to lay on my chest while I watched tv. most of the time though I just had to hold her dance, rock, bounce, etc until she would drift off. yes... most of the time she cried or screamed.

    I wouldn't be worried about the weight gain. she's going through a lot of growth spurts right now. she'll slow down at a year and may even stop gaining at the age of two until her next growth spurt. I remember my little sister was really big (she wasn't even standing and had triple rolls on the inside of her thighs.) I don't know how much she weighed but she look chubby and cute until around three. she's now a very slim teenager worried about if her size 3 jeans make her butt look big. lol.
    I hope some of this helps or at least puts you at ease.
    Sarah

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    3,900

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    Reminder: While everyone is welcome to share their experiences and opinions, please remember that only LLL Leaders (those with LLL in front of their usernames) speak for La Leche League. Please take what works for you and your family, and leave the rest.

    A friendly side note: The book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (by Teaching You How to Ask the Right Questions): Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood is not included in the LLLI Bibliography. The LLLI Bibliography is a published list of books approved by LLLI for Group libraries. Books chosen for the LLLI Bibliography have been thoroughly evaluated by the BEC Committee and are found to be supportive of LLLI's mission, purpose, and philosophy, as well as helpful to parents. In other words, books in the LLLI Biliography are thoroughly supportive of breastfeeding.
    Last edited by LLL_Jolie; May 14th, 2006 at 01:07 PM.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    3,900

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alissa
    She is 8.5 months old, and about 27 pounds.... I know kellymom and LLL and some other books I've read say not to worry about weight in either direction but 27 pounds looks pretty ridiculous on such a little 8 month old. So I worry she's eating too much.... and I'm worried everyone else thinks I'm feeding her too much.
    (((hugs))) It's so hard when if feels like everyone is judging. Please remember that babies all grow on their own growth curve. And remember, too, that you can't overfeed a breastfed baby (breastmilk, that is ) as they regulate their own intake. It's also good to remember that babies tend to slim down once they become more mobile.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alissa
    Besides that since the day she was born she has been a stinker to put to sleep! I can't stand it, it is beginning to get soooo frustrating. I have her on a strict schedule now, but even nursing her to sleep, it is still quite a challenge to get her to sleep! Why??! She struggles even while she is sucking to toss and turn, and if I let her; she just starts tossing and turning, then trying to crawl then next thing you know she is sliding off the bed and crying at the same time, of course because she is sooo tierd... so I hold her in the same position weather she likes it or not and stick my boob in her face (which I wonder if that is causing the weight) and sometimes she cries loudly for about 5 min, then finally sucks and goes to sleep.... or she'll whimper gently for just a couple min, then suck and go to sleep.
    Have you considered tweaking your routine? As babies age, they often need less sleep. Perhaps she just isn't ready to settle down quite yet? Or, perhaps consider making your bedtime routine longer so she has more time to settle down?

    http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBsleep.html

    Quote Originally Posted by Alissa
    So I am constantly entertaining and playing and taking her here and taking her there to keep her stimulated and keep her learning... which I don't mind that part at all... I live for that part of it... but she does not like to cuddle!!! That really is starting to get to me. She hates kisses and anything that gets too close to her face. So I feel like, Oh come on Kaylee all this I go through for you and you can't just give me one little cuddle or kiss. I always steel them from her, which makes her fussy for a couple of minutes. She's not even cuddly when she is tired or hurt or anything.. it's like when she's tired or anything else she does the opposite of laying her head on my shoulder for comfort she pushes away and the only thing that stops her from crying or fussing is something interesting or stimulating to her!! Oh I feel soo jipped! Sometimes I feel like I just want her to be comforted by ME. By me holding and cuddling her, not something else, not the milk coming out of my boob, but ME! And sometimes I just feel like I need to feel her hug me... maybe she's still too young yet?
    You sound so frustrated. (((hugs)))

    Babies that require a lot of stimulation can be difficult, I know. My ds was much as you described. I remember he started becoming bored when he was 2 weeks old.

    My best suggestion is to take it a day at a time. You might find some of Dr. Sears' info about fussy and high needs babies helpful. He has several books on the topic, and info on his web site, as well.

    This link might help:
    http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBfussy.html


    Quote Originally Posted by Alissa
    Thanks for letting me vent!
    We ALL need to vent every now and again. Take care!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    These intense babies are wearying. I have one. I thought I would go nuts from the demands he would place on me, from just a few days old. He always needed something new, something exciting, something different, and no sleep -- he came home from the birth center awake. He's the same way now, and there are days I just want to cry or scream with frustration that we can't have a moment of peace around here I get tired just trying to stay a step ahead of him. I found relabeling him as a spirited child helps me keep it in perspective.

    DS is not very cuddly either, now as a 20 month old, or then, but he has learned to come give kisses (on his terms!), and I've learned to not be offended if he doesn't want to come give a kiss or to take my kiss. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. It just means they are busy with their world. But the hard work at first has paid off -- he's a very caring child. If someone is crying, he comes and tells me, for example. I wonder sometimes if these very non-cuddly babies are very sensitive people, and this is their way of protecting their space from overstimulation.

    I found Dr. Sear's "Fussy Baby" book helped us get through these tough few months. I probably need to read it again! LOL Hang in there!! It does get better!
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: Any other babies like mine?

    Alissa I can sympathize... my baby's only 4.5 months old but she's high-needs too. We bought her a baby gym and a lot of highly-recommended baby toys, but she wants her entertainment from Daddy and Mommy, and wants to be carried all the time Right now putting her to sleep at night is still easy with a bath and nursing, but she pops awake every hour or so to nurse again. And she's getting so distracted during daytime breastfeeding sessions, that I feel it's only a matter of time before nighttime sessions become hard too!

    I think your baby's weight is right on target though. What does your pediatrician say?

    Quote Originally Posted by IansMommy
    I found Dr. Sear's "Fussy Baby" book helped us get through these tough few months. I probably need to read it again! LOL Hang in there!! It does get better!
    What specific parts of the Fussy Baby book have been helpful? Are there good tips for getting clingy babies to sleep (and stay asleep)? Thinking of buying it but I don't want a rehash of things I've already read in No Cry Sleep Solution (which hasn't worked for us)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •