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Thread: An embarrassing question

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    88

    Default An embarrassing question

    Hi ladies,

    I have an embarrassing/sensitive question to ask if anyone has experienced this. I guess mostly I'm looking for support and advice.

    My son only nurses on my right side. He is two years and refused my left side (which was always my low producer) shortly after his first birthday. I had tried pumping for a few weeks to keep my supply up when he first refused but let it go when he showed no signs of returning to nursing on that side. We are still nursing frequently on just my right side. He has always been a "hands-on" nurser, wanting to grab and squeeze, pinch and poke, even rolling his fingers with my breasts, even my left side that he calls "mommy's nummy". In the last few weeks my left side has become extremely sensitive and when he has wanted to squeeze and touch, even gently, it is very uncomfortable because it feels very sexually stimulating. I hate it. My problem is that he is SO MAD at me for refusing to let him have "mommy's nummy". I have tried being gentle with him telling him "no touch, not comfortable, or I don't like it, owie boo boo (his word for hurt), I have told him flat out no, given him other comfort things to hold or squeeze, turning on my left side so he has limited accesss, wearing long shirts so little hands can't go wandering. Last night he was so mad at me, he refused to nurse at all, then wanted to stay up and play with his daddy until he was too exhausted to care later. He nurses to sleep almost 100% still, and so won't fall alseep any other way.

    What's strange is that my right side is NOT sensitive like this and I don't feel those feelings at all. I feel really strange about this and have never heard of this before. I don't want him to quit nursing out of anger/fear because he's confused. Each time we sit to nurse during the day is the same thing. He pulls away mad and crying about "mommy's nummy" like he's really upset that I've taking something away from him. He is my high needs little man who has always been very persistent on knowing what he wants.

    I'm out of ideas for how to handle this gently but firmly with him. The sensations are WAY too uncomfortable for me to just let him have his way.

    PLease HELP! I didn't know where else to post this question, so sorry if any this is bothersome to any readers !

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    It's not bothersome at all! This exact thing has not happened to me but it doesn't sound weird at all. Don't feel bad!
    It sounds like you've tried everything I would have done as far as discouraging/not allowing him to play with "mommy's nummy." If it were me I simply would stand firm. If he really wants to nurse then he will get over it. I think it's totally appropriate at his age to teach him that mommy's feelings matter too.
    I hope that helps some!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    2,539

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    can you lay on your left side and lean over to nurse from your right? That way the left breast is out of reach so to speak?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    Its not a bothersome question at all, and I'm glad you asked it!

    Have you tried a nursing necklace? Or something else for him to fiddle with? I know he's awfully old to introduce new things like that, but it might work. And I"m with Molly...he is not to young to understand consequences, if reinforced and stuck with. The consequence of fiddling is not nursing...plain and simple he is not allowed to fiddle.

    FWIW, my dd was never a fiddler, at least not with my nipples, but I only nursed her on one side after she turned 1. The feeling on my nipples was completely different--the one she didn't nurse on was much more sensitive!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    The key is consistancy. Tell him it hurts/or not/whatever BUT always use the same words (we say no twiddling ). Do not let him do it. If he refuses to stop, get up walk away and let Dad take over, or close your bra and shirt. Try again in a minute or so. He will quickly learn that it is not okay - after gets over being ticked off .


    Mom to - 6 yrs, 4 yrs, and twins 3 years

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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    1,090

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    I know that Dr. Sears addresses this in one of his books, I think the breastfeeding one. Check his website. I understand your hesitation to discuss it, but you are certainly not the only woman who has dealt with this I am sure. As pp have said try to remain consistent. Best of luck

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    855

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    My daughter does the same thing to some degree. Only at night in the bed does she want to play with the breast she is not nursing on. I cover it up with my hand and sometimes she does get mad and try to push her finger in between my fingers to get to the breast. She eventually figures out she is not going to get it and stops trying or falls asleep.

    So I wish I could tell you what works, but my lo doesn't get as mad as your lo. I would just be consistent and cover it up. Don't be embarrassed about it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    2,101

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    I'm glad you posted this. I would agree to continue being firm and use the same wording each time. He's upset about the changes in the ground rules but your the mommy and he will accepts this in time. I doubt he will choose to wean over it.
    Laura, proud vbacing, ecological breastfeeding mommy to four ages 8, 6, 5, and 2. That's Kate nursing her doll, Adam.

    The Seven Standards of ecological breastfeeding: (1) exclusive breasfeeding for the first 6 months (2) pacify baby at your breast (3) don't use bottles and pacifiers (4) co-sleep for night feedings (5) take a nursing nap (6) nurse frequently day and night; avoiding schedules (7) avoid practices that restrict nursing or separates you from your baby. The average return of menstruation for ecological breastfeeding mothers is between 14 and 15 months.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    88

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    Thank you all for your responses. I have been standing firm with him, and actually tonight after some tears he told me he just wanted his hand there, and he actually just gently pat my other side while he nursed to sleep.

    I do ly on my left side often to limit access to that side. I've tried the nursing necklace in the past and he'll play with it until he's ready to go to sleep. I guess I have to just stick it out and continue to be firm. We'll see how it goes...think maybe all this is developmental for him too? He's dropping nursing down to just once or twice during the day, and is now even too distracted to nurse when I've been at work and come home (used to have nurse the moment I walked through the door...)

    Thanks again for your encouragement!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    125

    Default Re: An embarrassing question

    Not sure if this would help, but maybe use a bandaid to cover up your nipple for a few days to get him out of the habit???

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