I work full time and I haven't been able to keep a freezer stash, so every drop I express goes to my baby the next day. I feel like I'm on a treadmill and I can't ever catch up, so pumping for me can be quite stressful.
This weekend through a series of bad circumstances I was unable to pump, so this morning I had no choice but to fill 3 of his 4 bottles with formula. I told myself he will be starting solids soon (he is 5 months) so his digestive system (hopefully) can handle formula. But it didn't make me feel any better.
My sister watches him during the day and she said this morning that he took 2 bottles with no problem, but just called me at work this afternoon and I could hear him screaming in the background. She said he has been inconsolable for the last 30 minutes and none of the usual calming techniques (walking him, etc) have not worked today.
I feel an enormous amount of guilt right now. I have this irrational urge to leave work NOW and run home, but I work 50 minutes away and it wouldn't help him in the meantime. If I could have transported myself through the telephone like in The Matrix I would have done it in a heartbeat.
Could it be the formula that's making him cry like that? Maybe it's causing digestive problems? Or does he miss me because he misses the taste of the breastmilk that he associates with me?
Sorry for the long missive, but I'm hoping someone's experienced this and can help me cope with it.