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Thread: no friends who bf

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    21

    Default no friends who bf

    My LO is 13 mos and nurses pretty frequently. The other mothers I get together with are not nursing. We are all first time moms. They have asked questions in the past like how long are you going to nurse?, etc. We seem to have different parenting styles. I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation? I plan to go to my first LLL meeting this month and hope to meet other bf mothers. What kinds of things do you do at LLL meetings?
    Thanks for your comments ahead of time.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    515

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    I'm sorry you are feeling distanced from your friends. It is an unfortunate consequence of being so closely connected with baby through nursing. Sometimes I feel like the more in-tune I am with baby, the farther apart I grow from any mom who didn't/doesn't nurse.

    My best mom friends are from LLL meetings. They share parenting and other philosophies which make social interactions so much more comfortable for everyone. At meetings we talk BF challenges and rewards, solid foods, sleep issues, etc. It's basically the same stuff as on these boards.

    I hope you can connect with some other moms near you. Take some bits of paper with your phone number and/or email with you if you find someone you want to hang out with outside of the meeting.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    New Orleans, LA
    Posts
    5,036

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    I know exactly how you feel, besides the ladies on these forums, I am one of the few breastfeeders that I know in person. So sad.

    I'm beginning to forget all the responses I used to give people when confronted with those situations...it's been a while. I know that I was always very open and upfront about how proud I was of my bf relationship with my daughter.

    A good general answer to the "how long" question is "as long as we both want" or "I plan to let her self-wean." When I was bf my 16 month old WHILE pregnant was when I got the most negative attention and questions and by then I was beyond caring how anyone received my message and my answers were more like, "I'm hoping she weans before she starts college" or a good one is, "why do you ask?" Maybe that'll give you a better idea of the intention of their questions and give them a better idea that it's none of their business.

    I do wish I knew more people irl who shared my parenting style! We took a couple of Gym Rompers classes and met up for toddler time at the Children's Museum and I felt like the only breastfeeding mother there. And most of them feel the need to tell you why bf did not work for them. Now, I'm searching for another single soul in my world who uses cloth diapers, talking about feeling alone in the real world!

    You know you're doing the best thing for your child, don't worry about anyone else and don't feel like you have to explain anything, you could always just say, "you know....I really don't feel like going into it."
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    903

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    Totally understand! I grew up around FF relatives and friends. To be quite honest watching my dog nurse her pups was the closest I was ever exposed to BFing. (Thank God for my dog...she inspired me). You will gain a lot from LLL meetings if nothing more than not having to feel like the odd mom out or answer annoying questions. At LLL meetings you don't feel like you have to justify yourself or your decisions. Good luck!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    282

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    I understand as well! In my group of friends, I am the only one who nursed past one. As far as family, I am the only one who nursed past 6 weeks (I nursed my first DD til she was 17 months and I plan to let the boys self wean)

    I have found a bf'ing support group (not LLL, but hope to attend a meeting one of these days!!) and there are lots of extended bf'ers..Being around like minded moms have really helped.
    Celeste
    Mommy to:
    Kalynn 8/12/02
    Ronin and Ryker 10/9/2006

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    21

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    my answers were more like, "I'm hoping she weans before she starts college" or a good one is, "why do you ask?" Maybe that'll give you a better idea of the intention of their questions and give them a better idea that it's none of their business.

    I love that answer- before college, I may use that one! That's great.

    Now, I'm searching for another single soul in my world who uses cloth diapers, talking about feeling alone in the real world!

    My mom used cloth on all 4 of us and I wish I had on my son. I keep debating whether to start now or not.

    Thanks so much for your ideas!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    21

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    Thanks so much for your replies.
    It is so interesting that I have never once asked a mother- "When are you going to stop bottlefeeding?" Why are people so concerned with BFing? I can't say I would ever be concerned with how long a baby bottlefeeds.

    Also, a quick question about cloth diapers- What's the easiest way to start when money is tight? Are the all-in-ones nice? Are any cheaper through a certain company? Thanks.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    New Orleans, LA
    Posts
    5,036

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    My evil plan is working.....join the cloth diapering forum for TONS of information, information OVERLOAD. The least expensive option would be prefolds with covers. The all-in-ones are the most expensive, and quite honestly my least favorite. Those are the only dipes in my stash that I do not use! I love my prefolds!! All you really need is two days worth if you wash every other day. And it's really not that much work. You can get 18 prefolds and 3 or 4 covers for about $70.00.

    PM me if you have more questions, I'd love to get another mother hooked!

    You can also check out this blog I'm working on. It's in the very early stages, but it has some good info.

    As for people always asking about bf...I don't get it either. The comment that really gets me is "when they can ask for it, they're too old." WHATEVER!
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,864

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    I'm the only one where I live breastfeeding that I know too, but my son is just four months old ( please don't kick me out ). The "when they can ask for it, they're too old" thing kills me. So when they are able to say "juice" (or whatever else they may ask for) do people say, "Well, honey, if you hadn't ASKED for it, maybe...but since you asked, absolutely not." We don't advocate punishing (for lack of a better term) kids for SAYING when they need to use the toilet. Just a peeve of mine.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    31

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    i am moving towards that situation now - i have 4 friends who bf - one baby is 1 month older than Tommy and the other three are a little younger. Two of them have no desire to continue past one and even they have asked me - 'when are you planning on stopping?'. I feel that the other two will become more important in my support network as tommy passes one year.

    Work is what really annoys me - they know i am bfing because i express - once we are past a year then he may not feed as much - he's on 3-4 a day with anything from 0-3 at night depending how the night goes! I work shifts so when i do an early shift i need to express his morning feed - i can get in a little earlier and do it before everyone else gets in, but i still need to keep the milk somewhere. i currently keep it in my cool bag for up to 4 hours, so the temperature stays constant, then transfer to the fridge till it's cooled, then pop it back in my cool bag. if i can continue to do this then i can keep it to myself, but then why should i? i am proud to be breastfeeding. I just dont want to keep eharig their comments 'you're not going to keep doing that are you?' ' you'll have to stop soon, he's too old for it', or one who even implied he's start to like it in a sexual way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They just dont understand what this special bond means.

    I dont know how many feeds he'll be wanting once he's past one, so maybe i will be able to avoid expressing at work. I wish we were in a culture where people understood bfing more. It can be lonely without a support network.
    I've only been to two LL meetings as my shifts always seem to fall on meeting days, but i also go to a bf cafe and have made friends there.

    michelle

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