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Thread: no friends who bf

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    69

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    Definitely attend your local LLL meeting. I've been going since DS was born (he's 5 months old), and I really enjoy it. It's great to meet with other moms who have similar parenting styles. Many have children/babies older than DS, so it's nice to ask experienced moms all my questions.

    Several of my friends are currently BFing (there are five of us with babies all 5months and younger), but I've had one in particular say to me, "If you BF beyond a year, I don't think I can be friends with you anymore". Half joking but I found it to be quite offensive! She is a BFing mother herself. They all believe that children should be weaned by one year, because they say there's no longer any nutritional benefit. I beg to differ, and in my opinion, BFing is more about "getting the milk". Anyway, so I plan to go over a year if DS is keen to continue, and I plan to say, "The AAP recommends BFing beyond a year, because babies really do benefit from it beyond a year old". I'm hoping that will work. I also plan to say that I'm not going to just stop nursing DS because I feel it's time...I'm going to let him decide too.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    71

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    I just wanted to send out some support for you. I have a few bf friends and go to LLL meetings occasionally. But most of my friends have no children at all, and so bf is just a world of confusion and discomfort for them. I try to be really cool about it so that they see it's a simple part of life.

    I just want to echo, though, how much I hate the "The "when they can ask for it, they're too old" comment. It's the kind of thing that one of my childless know-nothing friends might say. And what I want to say to them (but it's too horrifying, really) is the following. When I was in middle school, I remember one of my older sister's friends looking at me in a totally gross, creepy, and sexually suggestive way and saying, "If you're old enough to bleed, you're old enough to breed."

    I put that phrase in the same category as bf comment "If they're old enough to ask..." I think, well, your trite, ignorant phrase is based only on one aspect of physiology. Just because I have a period at 13 doesn't mean I'm ready for sexual intercourse. And just because my son can indicate he wants to nurse (or because he has teeth, etc) doesn't mean that it's time to end nursing.

    Sorry for the rant. But it's been on my mind.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    332

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    Just had a similar situation today, I can totally understand how you feel. LLL meetings are great, I find that as time goes by support from like minded mums is more important than in the early weeks of bfing.

    My dd is 14 months, and I'm the only one bfing in my antenatal class group. Today one of the mums whom I hadn't seen for a while said that she had stopped 'that' -accompanied by a disapproving face- back in easter, as if it was something really disgusting she was so relieved to have stopped. I can't understand that kind of comments, and I did not know how to react, I did not say anything and left after a few minutes 'cause I felt so uncomfortable. I don't want to meet up with these people anymore. I had been trying to keep those friendships/acquaintances, thinking 'well, there must be other things we can share', but bfing my toddler is a very important aspect of my parenting, and I can't really be around people (at least voluntarily!) who will make god knows what sort of comment if they see my daughter asking for milk.

    I have lots of answers in my mind (like recommendations from Unicef, World Health Organisation, and others to bfeed for at least 2 years, natural weaning age for humans of between 3 and 7 years) but when the situation arises I just feel so upset I never manage to say anything

    It's probably better for us to find new friendships among LLL people

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    149

    Default Re: no friends who bf

    oh, girls . . . I can TOTALLY relate. I am a lone ranger out here when it comes to bfing past the age of 1. My mil is the biggest offender. (Grrrr.) She makes nasty comments about people in the past that she has known that have bf until the age of 2. (Little does she know that she will not be watching my kiddo anymore, because she will have to give him a bottle, and I'm not going through that with her. Sorry - small vent. I'm over now!)

    I get very frustrated with the mentality as well - my very best friend did not bf her kids and is constantly making comments about a friend who is still bfing her little one at 18 months. And I just read something on the internet the other day from a doctor, that said bfing at the age of 2 1/2 may be common in other parts of the world, but in the US, it is nothing but self-indulgence and selfishness on the part of the mother. I was so appalled! And what a stupid answer - it doesn't even make sense!

    I hope you have found lots of connections at your LLL that make you feel as though you are not all alone. I don't have a local LLL, so rely on these great ladies to pick me up when I'm feeling down about rude people and their comments.

    I always have lots of good answers in my head, too, just like FERCHI, but when people say something, I am always so taken aback that they would be so rude or outspoken about something that does not affect them in the least, that I totally lose my train of thought. I really just want to say, "Why does it concern you?" and stop them in their tracks.

    Anyway, best of luck and thanks for the thread - you gave me a good chance to vent! HA!

    PS - You should try cloth diapers - we did at 10 months, and we love them! We use pocket diapers b/c they are super easy and fit my squirmy 12 month-old. And they are adjustable. Try a few kinds in a sampler pack and see what you like!

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