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Thread: Feeling pressured

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Idaho
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    Default Feeling pressured

    I haven't been on in awhile....Summer you know but now my LO is a year and boy oh boy do I feel the pressure the last few weeks to wean....Maybe it is because I am the only person left nursing her baby in my cirlce of friends.. I dont' know maybe I am being to hard on myself.. I really want to continue to nurse but I really want am a little jealous of my friends who have their bodies back can wear dresses and can leave now for over nighters... I know this sounds so petty and childish.... But it is really getting to me...Then I nurse my LO and I really don't care what anyone says or does..Is anyone else having mixed emotions about nursing too..Uggg I hate feeling like this....I started to think about the last year and realized my husband and I have had only 2 dates in a year and I have only been away form my baby a handleful of times...Maybe I am burning out and need a break..I don't know I am at a loss right now....Thanks for letting me get this off my chest...I think just writting about it helps...
    Allie
    Wife to T
    Mother to 4 crazy ones

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    2,539

    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    Feeling like the odd man out is no fun, but this time we share with our LO's is so short lived. If you and your LO want to continue then don't let anyone/thing get in the way. They don't need to know that your still nursing if they are giving you a hard time. On the other side, you might inspire one of them to nurse longer with their next baby.

    There is a part of me that would love to be able to go to dinner and a movie with DH (usually we just get one or the other and have been out 2 times since having Mason). I also look forward to the day that I can go and have my breast reduction. But for the time being I am just going to love up my very fast growing baby, I mean toddler

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    855

    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    First of all, don't feel bad for feeling that way. I'm sure at some point, all mommies feel that way. Like you, I have only been out on 2 dates with my husband alone in the last year. I have often thought of weaning and getting my freedom back, but then I think of how much my lo loves and needs me and it makes it ok. Even with working a 4 hour day here and there I have prob only been away from my lo for 50-60 hours or less over the past year. Sometimes I too feel trapped like I can't get a break....and that is when you know you need one. Try getting out with friends without your lo a couple of times a month or treat yourself to a shopping spree- with non nursing clothes inclulded. It might make you feel more like something other than a mommy for a while.

    Our anniversary is coming up in September and I would like to go away without my lo, if only for one night, but I don't know if we will be ready because she still nurses 3-4 times a night. I guess you just have to remember that they are only going to be small once and you have the rest of your life to spend with your hubby. As long as your relationship isn't suffering, it will be fine. I feel sorry for the mommies that have to work all the time, I don't see how they stand being away for so long (i'm sure they wouldnt if they didn't have too)

    So hang in there and get some "me" time. It will make you feel better. Sometimes I think to myself that I want to feel like a real woman again, then I tell myself that nursing my lo is being a real woman

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Not around here as much :(
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    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    Here's my two cents. Do you have a goal? I find that goals help many moms refocus their intent. That being said - if you "give" your child x# more months of you, you won't regret it when they're 8 and want to spend the night at a friends house, when they're 13 and want you to knock before coming in their room, when they're 25 and call you first when they need help nursing their little one

    you'll look back with thanks that you gave that "extra" time. HTH
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  5. #5
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    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    Oh...I don't know about ALL Mommies. I don't. I certainly have pondered limits and night nursing. BUT I am PROUD of the fact that in 19months I have never spent the night away from my baby. I love my Husband but I am going to married to him FOREVER. Once this time is over with my son, it's OVER. To me, weaning is like having a baby in the 1st place, once you do it, there's no going back. Who I was before I had a baby is GONE. My priorities are forever changed. I want to sleep with my DH but fitting into old clothes or having an overnight trip away...really doesn't feel that important to me. When I look into the future, I can see it....but we as a Dyad aren't there yet.
    So I would figure that out 1st. Are you as a DYAD ready to wean? If your child isn't ready then the answer is NO. However, I have heard from several leaders that it is completely possible once you hit the year point to spend the night away and pick up where you left off with no ill effects on your supply or too much engorgement. So it may be possible for you to go away over night and continue to nurse. It's said that once you hit the year point your body really has the whole supply and demand thing worked out. The longest I have ever been away from him was 14hours... I had no engorgement at all.
    So if going away is important to you, it's possible to do w/out weaning. You sound torn. We are all feeling social pressure. I think that limits if possible are a good idea after a year. Some natural weaning happens just in the fact that solids pick up. But if you are still feeling good about it WHILE you are doing it, I'd say that you aren't ready either. Keep us posted.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    New Orleans, LA
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    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    My dh and I go on a date once a week from 4-8, granted it's not the type of dates we used to go on, we know that life is not what it used to be and never will be. The weekly date really helps us re-connect and stay connected. You can't just put your marriage on hold while you're raising kids and expect it to be there when your kids are gone. So, if you can, find just a little time for yourself and a little time for you and your dh and make the most of it.

    I have no advice on the right time to wean for mother and child, so I'll stay away from that. I do think it's very important though, that you find some time to take care of yourself and your WHOLE family. When you put yourself on the back burner for so long, it's hard to change that mentality and you don't want to get stuck there. Pamper yourself, get out with the ladies for a while, take a hot bath alone. What you really want to bring to the family is the real you, the best you, the you who also matters!

    Oh and I know what you mean about wearing dresses! There's not much of a selection of cute dresses when you're a nursing mother. I had to stand in two weddings while nursing and the thing had to come off completely, so I had to go back to the hotel room or into a dressing room to nurse. It is a pain, but take these other measures to take care of you and your marriage and maybe the dress thing won't feel like such a big deal. It's never childish to express your feelings.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    855

    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    Well said Nolamomma

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    New Orleans, LA
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    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    Quote Originally Posted by tnmomof2 View Post
    Well said Nolamomma
    Thank you very much.
    Mother - Wife - Artist - Cook - Writer - EnvironMENTAList - Cloth Diaperer (but we are soooo done with diapers) - Organic Health Nut...I'm sure there's more.

    DD1 - 12/15/05 Breastfed for 16.5 months
    DD2 - 8/6/07 Breastfed for 3 whole years and 3 little, extra days.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Idaho
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    Default Re: Feeling pressured

    Oh thank you everyone.. I am feeling much better.. I really don't want to stop nursing I just love my baby too much and when we are ready we are ready... I am actually spendiing my first day away from her on Wed.. My friend stepped in and said she will take her for the day so I can go out and hang out with my oldest. I know it is not time to myself but she is 9 and hey I really just have to talk to her she can do most things on her own..We are going to Silverwood. I am nervous and exicted too...We should only be away for about 4-5 hours. That is the longest I have ever been away but she is in great hands and I know it will be good for both of us....I think I am just feeling tired and I realized I need to demand help from my DH and our families are not too much help since they all live in different towns... What they say is true a happy Mom is a happy baby...We went to church and put her in the daycare and she cried so much I had to go get her...But I think it is baby steps and eventually she will be ok there and the same for going to somebody's house for a little while..Also I have had a long talk with my hubby and just explained to him how I felt and how I really need him to help....I think he has just gotten used to me having to have her all the time to nurse it is hard for him to adjust to the fact she is a year and on solids so she can go without nursing for awhile and I can leave the house...So we are going to try and save my sanity......Thank you everyone for your support...I really just need to talk to some mommies who understand.and well for my circle they can say what they want oh well....right
    Allie
    Wife to T
    Mother to 4 crazy ones

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