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Thread: New to the idea of EBF

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    109

    Default New to the idea of EBF

    Okay, I know my LO is only four weeks old, but after reading all the info on the benefits of ebf, I want to go at least a year and hopefully longer. However, I talked to my DH last night and he became extremely freaked about it even though I explained how beneficial it was. Did anyone else have this problem? And how did you convince you DH (not to mention other family) that ebf was the right thing to do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    1,307

    Default Re: New to the idea of EBF

    Funny because the same thing happened to me. Give it time! When I first started bf, I never really thought about how long or discussed duration with DH. I set short term goals. I was hoping six months. Then when I read more about it, I started thinking lets do this at least a year. Then I read more and I thought, maybe longer than a year. Currently we are at 8.5 months. When I first said something to DH about nursing a year (or longer), I kind of got a negative reaction too! Then I started making comments every now and then about how good bf is for DD, the benefits, the fact that it is free, how it helps my relationship with her, etc. Next thing I new he was telling someone who asked that I was planning to bf for at least a year! I was shocked because he had never really said anything since the first negative reaction. My DH and I both come from families where no one BFs so this was new for both of us. I would keep dropping comments about the benefits and if he ever pressures you to stop, then you can have a serious discussion with him about it.
    Mom to Lainey (11-8-06)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
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    1,780

    Default Re: New to the idea of EBF

    My husband thought it was odd at first but I did little hints along the way and as he saw our relationship grow and how healthy our DS is he not only came around, he is proud to tell anyone and everyone that he is a BF baby

    Keep at it and relax along the way- I have found that if I relax others will relax too and the opinions become less offensive and more positive!
    Kelly

    Mommy to Gabriel born 12/25/06 Breastfed 12/25/06 - 12/09 and possibly here and there still
    Madelyn born 9/24/09 delivered at home and caught by my husband

    "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: New to the idea of EBF

    I'd give it time. When my DS was born I was determined to breastfeed until a year - which is what I told DH and everyone else.

    At times I think there was a bit of jealousy because I play a role in DS life that DH cannot fill and there are times when DS is so excited to see mommy (or more accurately - my boobs) that he'll practically fling himself out of DH's arms trying to get to me. I made very very sure from the day that DS was born that DH got special one on one time with DS, and I think this has helped.

    Our DS turns 1 next week and I don't have a specific plan or date for when our BF relationship will end. I've told DH that it needs to be a gradual process, that I can't suddenly stop BF the day after DS turns 1, but that I also don't plan on BF until DS goes to kindergarten. Over the months, DH has come to really value how important the breastfeeding relationship is for our DS, so DH is ok with the above answer because he realizes it would be incredibly tough on our DS to suddenly take away something that has been such an important part of his entire life so far.

    I hope this helps - you've got plenty of time to keep talking with DH.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    103

    Default Re: New to the idea of EBF

    I always set short-term goals for nursing, and our bfing relationship sort of grew with us. I never imagined myself nursing a toddler, so I can't imagine how DH felt when I told him I didn't plan on weaning as I'd originally intended. But now I can't imagine NOT still nursing.

    When my DH suggested I wean her at about 9 or 10 months, we got into a huge argument. He was just freaked out because a friend of his made a comment about me nursing, and he was responding to that. Once I explained the great benefits of nursing beyond a year and the fact that we didn't have to publicize that I still nurse her, it wasn't a big deal. In fact, he hasn't mentioned weaning since.

    Oh, and it didn't hurt that I'm the one who has always gotten up with our LO at night since I'm nursing and that's how she falls back to sleep. I told my DH that if I couldn't nurse her, he'd have to figure out how to get her to sleep every night himself.
    Bee- proud mama to Maggie, 6/12/06 and Maya, 10/15/08

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    285

    Default Re: New to the idea of EBF

    it's funny how a man would probably never notice if you never bring it up. I never mentionned it, it just kind of happened that we kept nursing because it was what DS wanted and I didn't really complain about it at all. We were out one day and somebody metionned nursing beyond a year and DH said "who would do that to themselves for a whole year" and I turned to him and said, "me, dumbass" And it hit him that we had done it!

    I think it's easier for dads and families to appreciate when they see all the benefits- how soothing it is when a child is sick, how few times they actually get sick, how they develop, how they have that special bond with mom, when they understand that it was norm for thousands of years until humans started to think they were more intelligent that the natural process of evolution and decided to seek "more advanced" forms of nutrition, when they see how little it costs, how it helps mom feel needed, wanted and loved, how it helps mom keep fit, etc.

    I have found that the easiest way to avoid criticism from family/friends is to not disclose. It's pretty easy once they are older since they nurse less frequently and, depending on the LO, less on demand.
    DH is one battle you may have to win, but family/friends/coworkers are not. i usually listen to their criticism and then if I'm in the mood to respond at al, I simply say, "thank you for your input, but respectfully, you're wrong"

    Let nature take its course and it will.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    109

    Default Re: New to the idea of EBF

    Thanks for the advice. I will just be patient then and hopefully he will come around.

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