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Thread: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    151

    Default Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    So ds is over a year, and no one in my family except dh knows we are still bfing. Ds has gotten to where he can go 5-6 hours or so w/o bfing, especially when we are out because he is busy doing other things. I know if people in my family found out they would freak, but I think they assume I am done and no longer ask if I still am bfing, like when he was smaller. Just wondering if there are any other mom's out there who keep bfing at home w/o others knowing?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    I'm not in the closet, but after a certain age I didn't go around telling everyone.. It was long after a year; she just didn't seem that big at one.. by two, well, we got quieter about it.. at three, even SHE kept it private.

    BUT, when someone complimented me about what a good girl she was or how healthy she was, I sometimes volunteered the info at that point. If I felt it would influence someone in a positive way. If someone asked I'd tell them too. My mom would ask all the time because she seems to think dd can't spend the night at grandma's house until she's weaned... but really nursing has nothing to do with her being ready to spend the night away from home. Others would ask because I'm a bit of a lactivist.. in fact, I organized a well publicized nurse-in downtown and was on the news. I actually felt ashamed when I stopped letting her nurse in public. I was more embarrassed to tell people she wasn't allowed to NIP than that she was "still" nursing.

    I have so many friends from LLL who have nursing toddlers that I've never felt like much a a freak. I was also a little embarrassed to admit it when I first chose to do mother-led weaning. I was actually a closet weaner for a while!

    Still there are some people in my life I felt uncomfortable sharing the info with... but it usually came out somehow or another... dd would ask for it or they'd meet an LLL friend of mine and say something like, "so how do you two know each other?" So I had to just get used to it. I am very lucky to not have any real jerks in my life or anyone who doesn't mind their own business. So it's all my own hang-ups that have made me uncomfortable.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    29

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    I nursed my older daughter for 27 months and if she needed to eat and we were out, then she ate. Once she got closer to 2 yrs old, we started slowing down and she mostly nursed in the morning and at bedtime, so it was not times that we were normally out of the house. The exception was when we traveled - nursing made airplane rides so much easier that I didn't care who knew. In fact, when we finally weaned, her last time nursing was as the plane was landing after a trip to NJ - I told her that we left 'side' in NJ and then we were done.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    103

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    I don't deny to anyone that I'm still bfing, but I don't publicize the fact anymore. I also don't correct people when they assume I'm done. I live in a very conservative area, and most people only BF a few months, if at all.

    My LO only wants to nurse a few times a day now though, and she can go 7 or more hours during the day w/o nursing. So we rarely nurse anywhere but at home, so nobody else besides DH ever really sees it.

    I also have a MIL who thinks she needs to be weaned before she spends the night with her. She is constantly asking if my LO is still "on the breast." I HATE that term. Like I walk around with her nursing constantly or something. She also keeps talking about weaning and how awful it will be for us...she just doesn't get it that I'm not planning on weaning any time soon.
    Bee- proud mama to Maggie, 6/12/06 and Maya, 10/15/08

  5. #5

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    Nope. Em was standing in her baby pool yesterday and I was bent over the side, boob popped out of my bathing suit. She was squeezing her nerf ball on my shoulder and nursing while trying to turn her head all the way around so that she could see my neighbor. It was kind of ridiculous looking, I am sure. Just in case I thought I was going unnoticed my very pro-bef nighbor drove by and she stopped and said "That's great your still nursing, keep it up and she'll be able to get to the end of the driveway to check the mail, all still latched on..." We laughed. I looked back up at my adorable neighbor an dhis face... it was hilarious.

    He hadn't noticed. I said, "What?" he said, "I just didn't realize you were umm... doing that right now." Ha!!
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  6. #6
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    I don't keep it a secret, but there are some people with whom I'm more open about it. With older people, I don't see much benefit in bringing it up because they're already kinda set in their thoughts and they're not going to be having more kids, kwim? I don't deny it if somebody asks, and if someone says something about us having weaned I correct them.
    On the other hand, with my friends and younger people I kind of try to look for opportunities to mention it. DD doesn't normally ask to nurse much at other people's houses (except grandma's and places like that), but if anybody visits our home they sure know about it!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    8,591

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    I wouldn't say we are in the closet, necessarily, but she never wants to nurse in public, and rarely asks anymore, except during the night. I don't generally bring it up except with close family, and not with dh's family at all, but if someone asks, I tell them. If they say something about weaning, I correct them. I just think some things are better left unsaid. If I'm talking to someone and they mention how independent she is, I get to say, "That's because I have met her needs with nursing, whenever she wanted, and I continue to do so." I love it when their jaws drop and they tell me the story of so-and-so who nursed and their kid was "so clingy". I just say, yeah, its usually related to personality and not nursing. And I do tell most of my friends, as a lactivist thing. My mother knows too, but she thinks its time to wean. She doesn't pressure me or anything, but I can tell by her silence that she is bothered by it. But she got her chance to raise kids, and now its my chance. And she respects that.

    I do think that it is my responsibility to promote breastfeeding beyond 1, so I don't hide it. I just don't broadcast it.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
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    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    8,272

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    My DS isn't quite one .... so we're not officially "extended" yet. But I wanted to share a story from a family event over the July 4th holiday. We had a ton of family in town because it was my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. I was a bit stressed out in anticipation of getting negative comments about "still" BF my DS at almost 1 year old. I am happy to be able to share that nobody cared and I got several positive comments. At the big party, when DS wanted to nurse I went with DS to sit in a chair where it was a little more quiet (but still at the party) then at a bbq at my parent's house I put DS in the sling and sat and talked with my relatives as DS nursed away. Most of the family there were my parent's age - late 60's and up. They all thought it was great. We're soon going to be over that "one year" mark and officially into "extended" zone, so it will be interesting to see if and how people's reactions change.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    1,107

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    Quote Originally Posted by epbrown View Post
    their kid was "so clingy".
    Clingy wingy, I hate when people say that about other people's children, I think that is rude. A child who wants their parent is so normal and healthy so why use the term clingy? Static is clingy not children. Sorry didn't mean to get off the subject but one of my friends is this way and she hardly ever held any of her kids if they showed that they wanted to be held bc she thought she would create a "clingy" child. She didn't nurse them either, she would prop their bottle up with a pillow so she didn't have to deal with them. I felt like telling her you know maybe you should'nt be so "clingy" to your bf's peepee so then you wouldn't have any chances of having a "clingy" child.
    But so anyway I really can't wait till dd turns 1 so I can cause stares and comments bc I don't plan on weaning her at any specific time. I have told my dh that I am nursing till whenever she's done with me and he doesn't say much but I know he will when his mama finds out (not that it's a big secret) but you know since she had 3 kids and she DIDN'T nurse she does know everything. Geez am I in a smarta$$ mood or what?
    My name is Rosie and I'm a mother to 3 girls and 2 boys

    My girls:Janessa 10.30.93, Reanna 03.25.99 and Mylee 09.20.06
    My sons, Isaiah 07.16.97 and Shawn 09.12.08


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    866

    Default Re: Is anyone else a closet Extended bfer?

    I am still nursing my 17 mo old boy. I learned to not care what others think. I do not judge, but am not quite sure why your own family members would judge you. I have a SIL who used to make dumb comments like "Wow, your still nursing? Why??" But after I told her to just keep her comments to herself, it does not concern her, that ended.

    You should be proud of what your doing, it is the most natural thing in the world. Something you should not be ashamed of or feel you need to hide. One opinion from one Mom to another.
    Leslie- Momma to Aiden 02/28/06 AND Owen 2/28/08...What timing

    Older and wiser voices can always help you find the right path, if you are only willing to listen.--Jimmy Buffet


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