DS will be 6 wks on Tuesday but up to know he still constantly nurse during his waking hours. like today, i fed him starting at 8:30 am for about 40 minutes. he would eventually sleep but the moment he wakes up (i have a very playful toddler) he would want to nurse again. i would try to deviate his attention -play with him, try to put him back to sleep - but he would only want to nurse! So i nurse him again (after about 10 - 20 min of playing. breaktime for me). it's a freaking cycle until he goes back to sleep. its 11:30 now and i am still nursing. it's like nurse for 40 minutes, sleep for 10, play for 10 then nurse again! i don't have time to pump (unless it's wee hours in the morning, but that means giving up my sleeptime - we are on schedule at night, evert 2 -3hrs).
i'm so close to giving him formula so that i would have a break from nursing. nursing all the time keeps me from playing with and tending to the needs of my toddler. I feel so guilty not playing with him. I try not to get upset with him when he plays loudly around his brother, afterall he just wants to play and i don't think its intentional.
now i'm starting to feel bad abouta lot of things. i feel guilty for feeling "not wantung to nurse". it's like not taking care of DS2. i feel bad about not spending time with DS1. i feel bad about not being able to do productive things because i'm always nursing. i feel bad for considering to give a formula, makes me feel like i'm selfish.
thanks for letting me vent.