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Thread: We are on our way

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Bryan, Texas
    Posts
    4,260

    Default Re: We are on our way

    You done good mama
    All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary. ~ Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland


    **Leslie**

    Mama to:
    Shiloh (5/6/06) Nursed for 13 months and Josephine (7/26/08) Nursed for 23.5 mos Currently nursing my new little firecracker, Finley Catherine, born on the 4th of July!!

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Charleston SC
    Posts
    2,601

    Default Re: We are on our way

    Erin
    We are right there with you, Thomas is now 26 months and at 20 weeks pregnant my supply is not much of one, maybe just some colostrum..
    Thomas only nurses for nap and bed and sometimes, if he naps in the car he will not even ask all day, and then sometimes he even sleeps through at night or just lays on my chest to go back to sleep...
    It is a bit sad but also makes me feel so good to know that they DO wean when THEY are ready and that this relationship has made them so very confident in so many areas of their little lifes One of my big concerns was Thomas being sad in the middle of the night when I am in the hospital and wanting to nurse, so for me, this is a bit of a relief, kwim?
    I am excited for the next stage of his life, as I hold cherished memories of our nursing time in a very special place in my heart....

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: We are on our way

    Haylee nursed a bunch yesterday, but I am pretty darn sure she is finally going to cut another tooth--she had another pretty high fever and no other symptoms, and her gum feels swollen and *weird*. But today, not much again.

    I guess I am learning that this toddler thing can be very unpredictable, and we will just take it as it goes .

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    436

    Default Re: We are on our way

    I just saw this, Erin... In reading your posts it made me think about how motherhood is an odd combination of intense passion and emotional ambivalence. I'm sure you and Haylee will find ways to keep connected, since that loving bond is definitely there, thanks to 19 months of your rugged commitment. And meanwhile, you'll be nursing again full steam soon enough! And this time not as a baffled newbie but as someone who has made it through a daunting obstacle course and helped so many others make it along the way. Good luck as you all move together into this unpredictable new stage!
    Last edited by annie; July 11th, 2007 at 09:47 PM.
    Annie
    Mama to Jeremy Daniel (12/10/2005)


    I'm a late cloth convert...and you? :tumbsup

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    8,591

    Default Re: We are on our way

    It has been 4 days (I think) since Haylee nursed. I am so sad, because I kept trying to remember each time she nursed so that I could remember the "last" time, but I don't. This makes me more sad than anything, that I don't remember the last time I looked down at her peaceful little face nursing. It has really been such a wonderful time, and I am trying to be okay with the weaning...she just still seems so young to me. I keep thinking of the "if onlies"...If only she didn't have a pacifier, I know she still needs to suck, she would still be nursing, but she prefers her pacifier to me. If only we hadn't worked so hard at nightweaning, she would still want to nurse. And this one...if only I hadn't gotten pregnant and robbed her of this time, this nutrition, this immunity.

    She is so grown up and I have been doing a lot of reflecting on her first days, the first moment I saw her...the first time she latched on. I just can't believe how much she has changed, and yet how much she is still my baby. She had this beautiful black hair, and she even had it growing on her ears. And Nigel and I were talking last night and both of us agreed we would never want to repeat her first 6 months, which makes me sad too, because I feel like I missed out on enjoying those first months with her.

    I hate that there isn't anyone here who I can talk to about being sad that she is weaned/ing. My mom just says, "Its about time" and its so insensitive. I want to scream and yell at her for missing out on that with me, so that she could understand what its like a little bit better. Nigel understands a bit better, but he is ready for me to have a break too.

    I have to admit that I think the reason she is sooo done now, is that I have colostrum and it tastes weird. She would get this look of disgust, so I just had to taste it for myself and it tastes...well...a bit like semen . Its not an awful taste, but its not wonderful and sweet either. It actually grossed me out, not because I think that taste is all that bad, but because I wouldn't want her to enjoy it at this age .

    I have been very lucky, because what they say about weaning is true...the kid has to get the cuddles somewhere else, and its been very true with her. She wants to be bounced for 10 minutes or so before she will go to sleep, she likes to be rocked when she wakes up in the night (but she does this biting/laughing/ouchie thing when she latches on, and won't nurse at all). She sits in my lap while I nurse her dolls, and she is very cuddly with them. She is going to be such a good big sister.

    I have no doubt in my mind that if she asks to nurse when Waylon gets here, I will let her. I have read that some kids start back up. I am not getting my hopes up, just being realistic with what might or might not happen.

    I just miss my baby girl! Why is that part so hard?

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,156

    Default Re: We are on our way

    Quote Originally Posted by epbrown View Post
    And this one...if only I hadn't gotten pregnant and robbed her of this time,
    I have been doing a lot of reflecting on her first days, the first moment I saw her...the first time she latched on.
    Why is that part so hard?

    The "if only I hadn't gotten pregnant" came up a lot with me.
    It is so hard!
    The last time Landin nursed was in April, I still miss it.
    He still comes up to me and gets under my shirt, then he says "num num" and runs off laughing.
    Hang in there!

    Kimberly Mommy to Landin and Avery

    ------------------------------------------

  7. #17
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,073

    Default Re: We are on our way

    Oh Erin

    Sometimes I'm so tired nursing my girls, but when I read your posts about Haylee weaning I just cry N's time to wean is going to come sooner or later and I know I'll be sad. I really love that I can calm her, re-assure her, whatever. It reminds me in a way that even though she's growing in leaps and bounds and becoming a "big girl" my baby is still in there somewhere. It's been 18 months and that's way longer than I thought we would last.

    I had that same feeling about getting pg so fast w/ another one. That I was taking our time alone together away from N. She's grown so used to E now that it's hard to remember not having both of them. And she's fine. You are right too that she might ask to nurse when Waylon makes his debut. N became sort of possesive of her"boobies" and started nursing for a bit every time I nursed E. Now she's back to where we were before baby.

    Hang in there momma you've got a new one coming that you can have that same special relationship with. Give/take all the hugs and cuddles you can from Haylee now. They grow up sooooo fast!

    p.s. Nicole really stuck with me while I was pregnant w/ Elise. I hope my colostrum tasted different than yours

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: We are on our way


    I can only imagine how you're feeling since I weaned DS so early and it wasn't the same.
    Please try not to guilt yourself over any of the factors you think might have contributed to Haylee's weaning. She likes her paci- well if she didn't have a paci maybe she would suck her thumb. She is nightweaned-I will remind you that you did that to save your own sanity! You are pregnant- she will soon have the gift of a little brother!

    All this is not to say that you shouldn't feel sad or have feelings of loss!! It's got to be that semen-tasting colostrum!


    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: We are on our way

    Erin - I KNOW that you have done a fantastic job BF Haylee and helping her grow into a wonderful little person! It's not fair to beat yourself up with second guessing or saying "what if" because all the decisions you've made have been for good reason and the best decisions at the time. It will be SO exciting to see her as a wonderful big sister.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: We are on our way

    I just cry...I am so tired of hormones. I can't read any of these without crying. I was so sad this morning because she woke up too early, was up for about an hour, and then needed to take a little snooze, and in those very rare instances that this happens, she has been nursing to sleep, and not wanting me to put her down. She would wake up everytime I shifted, or tried to unlatch her...well, this morning, she wanted me to cuddle her, but did the Ouch thing when I offerred nursing to her. Then she watned her pacifier and we cuddled on the chair and rocked and she fell asleep. I mean, really, its not any different than nursing her would have been, except that it was a sign to me that she was done nursing. Its hard to explain what I mean, but its like when she did that, it was the closure. It was her saying she didn't need it anymore.

    Its this really weird contradiction of feelings, because while I am so happy that she chose it, I feel like she *should* nurse for 2 years+, for health reasons. I know I have done everything within my sanity to meet that goal (aside from choosing pregnancy)...Molly is right. Night weaning had to come because I had to get more sleep. And the pacifier was sheer ignorance, but she probably would be a thumbsucker, as her need for sucking was that high. There is just no way I could have met that on my own, not with her being in daycare.

    I also hate this feeling I am having towards Waylon right now. I am so angry...like if you weren't here I would still have my baby girl in my arms, wanting to nurse, still being my baby. Its not right to feel that way, but its somehow hard to see him sometimes as a real being, even though he is kicking me right now and dancing on my pelvic bone, already keeping me up all night. But at some point, I have to get closure myself, so when do I stop offering?

    I need to get closure...when do I stop offering it to her? Is this the time?
    Last edited by @llli*moose; August 7th, 2007 at 11:02 AM.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

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