I am convinced, at this point, that its probable we won't be tandem nursing. Haylee has decreased her nursing sessions over the past few weeks, and with my supply down to only a few drops of colostrum, she is wanting to nurse less and less. She nursed this morning, but it had been 48 hours since she nursed last, and it only lasted a few minutes. She didn't even want to nurse back to sleep last night when she woke at 1:30. Two weeks ago, I thought she was actually enjoying it more, as she nursed to sleep consistently for a few days in a row, but now it seems she wants nothing to do with it. I am sad, but I am surprisingly okay with it. Of course, it may be a phase, and tomorrow may change things (she is unpredictable, to say the least) but right now I am working on accepting emotionally that she may just be done with it. Its so weird to think of her moving on from that phase in her life...but I knew this would happen and it really is just a phase--the beginning of a series of weanings. I know with this one, this child of mine, I will have to accept that her very strong personality will dictate very suddenly when she is ready...and I will have no say in it whatsoever, so this is just one of the first steps.
I have been so lucky--I have never felt touched out by nursing her, never felt the need to have my body back, and even though we struggled with nursing strikes and colic, and lack of sleep, I have never once not wanted to nurse her. I was blessed to watch my milk nourish her over the her first 12 months, and was very fortunate to be confident enough to not doubt it even with weight/size issues. Then, for the past 7 months, as I was saddened with low supply as a result of my next gift, I saw how much nursing meant to her, but on her own terms. She has gone full circle, from hating to nurse for a few months, multiple nursing strikes, never nursing to sleep, then nursing to sleep, loving it and refusing it. I got to see how independent it has made her--my never denying her, and how happy she has become after being such an unhappy infant. I am sad at the tought of not having that connection, and I am really trying to find how I will find a connection with my very active, very unaffectionate daughter, but I know that it will come. It has to.
Well, I am gonna stop rambling now...thanks for listening!