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Thread: question about pacifier!

  1. #1
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    Jan 2006
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    Default question about pacifier!

    my 3 mo old daughter had a visit with her great grandparents recently and her great grandmother kept commenting on how i should teach her how to take a pacifier so she would be 'happy when other people were holding her.'
    at first dd would take a pacifier anytime(i was supplementing the first month but now i am exclusively bf.) she also has a problem taking a bottle.
    should i be pushing the pacifier/bottle on her? will she eventually start taking either on her own? she's also fussy unless i'm holding her and she'll even be fussy when her dh is holding her or playing with her for more than an hour.
    is that normal? i love that my baby needs me but other people comment on her always needing me!!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    I have the same problems. My daughter is only 5 weeks old, but "everyone" is telling me how frustrating it is that only *I* can sooth her and make her happy. I have introduced the pacifier for this reason - so that I can take advantage of their willingness to help (to preserve my own sanity). I ONLY did it (after a month of exlusive BF) on the premise that it didn't influence her latch/feeding, etc.. and it hasn't. It has made our lives much easier. I don't, however, want the pacifier to be used in lieu of human attention and affection, and I've made it clear to everyone that it is a LAST resort, and is not to be used just for heck of it (as my MIL thinks it should ).

  3. #3
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    my mil is the same way! she didn't breastfeed her 3 kids because 'you just can't get any rest at night doing that' and has made several comments about me bfing.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    My MIL asked me one day if I was using a "binky" and I said no. The VERY NEXT DAY I came home from grocery shopping (half mile up the road, gone maybe an hour) and she was sitting in my bedroom, in my rocker, with a pacifier in my daughters mouth. I was LIVID! I went on a rampage to her and my husband. It would have taken me, litterally, 2 minutes to get home. After her specificaly asking me if I was using a pacifier and me saying no, I was so mad that they didn't at least call me before forcing her to take it.

    She then had the audacity to tell me that I should be thankful she "struggled to get her to take it". WHAT??

    So after that little episode they know better then mess with the mamma's rules (or as my husband says, my head will spin again).

  5. #5
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    my husband quickly takes dd from his mother when she's fussy otherwise she'll try to force a pacifier in.
    she also thinks that wrapping her in a blanket helps her not be fussy, i don't know if that's true or not but dd has 'hot spots' on her neck and one in her armpit from being too hot sometimes!! man, if my mil did what yours did i would have gone crazy, too.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    Quote Originally Posted by heatherama
    she also thinks that wrapping her in a blanket helps her not be fussy, i don't know if that's true or not
    Swaddling is good for newborns, but even with our DD I notice she doesn't like it so much anymore. No matter how tight I wrap her, she will wiggle her way out, or SHREAK if I don't free her. She sleeps with her arms up over her head (like me). I've started putting her in the sleeping bag thingies to keep her warm.. that way she can move about.

    If swaddling works, you could put her in an under shirt in a light blanket to keep her from getting too hot.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    I have a few different bits of advice but, of course, your mileage may vary. Nothing against pacifiers - my sister uses one with my niece and they're both very happy about it, but...


    The problem with teaching them to take a pacifier is that you may eventually have to teach them to stop taking one. (If you've ever watched Super Nanny you know this can be hard to do.)

    My solution was my pinky - I kept the nail really short (and my hands clean of course) and let Alex suck on that when he wanted to suckle but not nurse. I liked it because he'd suck on other people's pinkies too but he never got stuck in a carrier with just a pacifier to soothe him. My mom said back in her new mothering days they advised you to let you child suck on your knuckle (just bend you finger) which I imagine would work too. Either way there's no nipple confusion! I also worked with him on getting his fist to his mouth so he could self soothe when he wanted. At 3 months your baby might be old enough to start working some on that too.

    As far as letting other people hold her without her getting upset. Maybe you can expirement in different positions or rocking (Alex liked to go up and down a lot and my mom discovered a way of swinging him between her legs that he would always stop fussing during) that other people can use. Even Alex's great grandpa (who's in his 80's) quickly figured out a rhythm that Alex was calm during at least for a few minutes which was as long as my grandpa wanted to hold him anyway.

    As far as her needing you - this is part of being mama. Eventually she may turn on you and decide Dad is the greatest thing in the world but the first two years almost every baby has a strong preference for mom. Think about it while you were pregnant she heard you talking. When she's born she can identify you by your voice and by your smell (I know that sounds weird buy you KWIM) Right now she thinks you and she are the same person! Dad is cool but she needs to connect with her base (you) on a regular basis. The older she gets the better it'll get, and eventually you'll look back at the time when you could always "fix" her problems and miss this time. Or so I've been told

    HTH!

    Sabrina
    Mom to Alex: 12/08/04 and still happily nursing

  8. #8
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    exactly, i really do love that she needs me!
    i've tried letting her suck on my knuckle and that works well but as for nursing--she'll nurse anytime, even if she's full and ends up spitting up afterwards, she will always nurse when it's offered.
    thanks for your post, it was encouraging.
    i guess i'll just have to take what people say about pacifiers with a grain of salt because i'm not too crazy about them.

    also 60: dd loves to kick her legs so bundling her doesn't work well. we also stopped swaddling after about 2 wks because she would kick her blanket off.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    Quote Originally Posted by Alex's Mom


    I liked it because he'd suck on other people's pinkies too but he never got stuck in a carrier with just a pacifier to soothe him.
    I think the mistake a lot of people make is allowing the pacifier to take the place of human comfort. Used in conjunction with loving arms, rocking, singing, (etc) I don't have a problem with family using it when I'm not available.

    I find a lot of "old school" people (my mother and MIL for instance) think that babies just need to suck, and they do, but the benefits that come from comfort nursing are pointless if the baby is doing it in a swing all by herself. I'm ALWAYS available to my baby, either with my breast (health permitting) or with open arms and a pacifier. I think allowing other people to do the same thing is Ok as long as the pacifier is not taking the place of loving interaction.

    Since our last pacifier insident I have made it clear to EVERYONE how I want it to be used, because there is so much more to it then just shoving it in her mouth to keep her from crying (which is how I find most people treat it).

    And in all honesty, I'm not a big fan of them either. I only use it myself when I'm physically not able to offer her my breast. And like Alex's Mom said, there is NOTHING wrong with our baby's needing us, despite what our families say or think. In fact, if my baby didn't need me while I was gone I would be worried.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: question about pacifier!

    i agree with you north, i think it's fine if it's used in conjunction with comfort but i don't feel like that's why my mil wants her to have it. in fact, since birth, she's wanted to hold dd but only if she wasn't fussy! as soon as she would cry she'd ask me about a pacifier or just hand her back to me.

    also, today we took dd out for lunch with us and she behaved so well! she smiled at strangers who talked to her and only got fussy a little before falling asleep.

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