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Thread: Feeling tethered to the house by nursing. How do you cope?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    156

    Default Feeling tethered to the house by nursing. How do you cope?

    I'm wondering how other families deal with this. Getting my twins to nurse was a challenge, but now, at 14-1/2 months, our nursing sessions are the highlight of my day. However, I also feel like I'm allowing myself to become socially isolated because of it.

    I nurse and then pump every morning, go to work (f/t), play with the kids when I get home, eat, and then it's soon time to nurse and put the twins to bed. There have been occasions when I've had a meeting or gone to a concert and I've not nursed at night, but I always feel guilty about it. I've stopped going to my book club and don't go to twins club meetings any more, because they start close to the twins' bedtime. I've never spent much time with girlfriends anyway, but the few relationships I used to have have suffered (dissolved is more like it) from my lack of presence. We have an older (special needs) child, who I get no time with if I go out in the evening. Making matters worse, DH just doesn't demonstrate the level of patience with the twins that he does with our older child. (Incidentally, he does not support my still nursing the twins either, though I think he's given up thinking that that opinion will make a difference in my behavior.)

    How do you deal with this? I tell myself that the twins won't nurse forever, so I need to make the most of this precious time, and I dearly love the closeness I feel when we snuggle and nurse. Like I said, it's my favourite part of the day. On the other hand, I know that in a selfish way I am discontented with the situation and feeling that I'm tethered to my house when not at work. Really a catch 22.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    361

    Default Re: Feeling tethered to the house by nursing. How do you cope?

    What you are feeling is NOT selfish. Everyone needs a break, time to just be themselves or be alone now and then.

    Because you don't feel comfortable leaving for any extended amount of time, and because it also sounds like you really don't want to do that anyway, what about working it out with DH so that you can have just an hour or two, once a week to get out and have coffee with a friend or just sit and relax and read a book by yourself?

    I feel the same way. I always think that I am going to LOVE any time that I have by myself. But after an hour or two, sometimes sooner, I find myself missing my kids terrribly. Motherhood is a kick isn't?

    Work on a way to satisfy both needs. You can find a balance between being tethered to your house and getting out once in a while. I find that the amount of time I need to be alone and relax is quite a bit less than I figured it would be. One or two hours a week helps me relax, gives me something to look forward to and allows me to better appreciate the time I spend with my kids.

    Your kids need a happy and relaxed mommy just as much as you need the chance to he happy and relaxed.
    http://thesfamilychronicles.blogspot.com

    "At the heart of motherhood is the kind of satisfaction unequalled in any other profession on earth."
    -Tina Neidlein


    Isaac- 1/1/01 Nursed only 4 months, had no idea what I was doing.
    Nathan- 4/28/03 preemie, 1 month NICU stay and still managed exclusive nursing for 6 months, better.
    Anna- 4/15/06 Self weaned just after turning 3.
    Baby girl due May 14th

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    139

    Default Re: Feeling tethered to the house by nursing. How do you cope?

    I know how you feel. I have a 10yr old, 8yr old, and then an 18month old who is still nursing. I work full time and when I pick DD up from daycare she always needs that "reconnect" time and wants to nurse right away. Then I have to care for the other two kids, fix supper, do a load or two of laundry, etc and before I know it it's bedtime and I've done nothing for me. My DH works in the resturant business so he's always at work adn when he isn't at work he wants down time too. It's tough. I have found that I will sometimes stay up later after the kids are down to get some "me time" or I will get up when my DH goes to work at 5am so that I can have a cup of coffee and read the paper or somehting. We do have a "girls night out" and "guys night out" or "our night out" once a month. This is when we get to go out with our friends or out with just the two of us or once in a while as a family. That helps a ton too. When I'm out it is tough and I do miss my kids but we usually have our nights out on the weekends so that I haven't been gone at work all day and then go out at night. That's too tough on me! The important thing is to make time for yourself!!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1

    Default Re: Feeling tethered to the house by nursing. How do you cope?

    When I start feeling tethered, I find that just getting out of the house helps. Take the kids for a walk or go to the pool. Go to the zoo. Or get together with a friend that has kids. I also have a large family so visiting Grandma or one of my sisters or brothers families usually helps too. That way you are feeling like you are not stuck in the house and you are still spending time with the kids. Even getting out in the back yard is good. I guess it is the fresh air or the adrenaline rush from exercising, but walking always helps me.

    My DH is not really supportive now either. I think it is just so new to him. Neither him nor his brothers were breastfed and his daughters (my stepdaughters) were not breastfed, so it had never been part of his life. I did not think I would be breastfeeding at 16 months either, but DD needs it and I do not want to take it from her. This may be TMI, but I found that if hubby is being unsupportive of me, it is usually because he has not been getting enough attention from me, IYKWIM? Probably because we cosleep and she sleeps between us. It is usually when he starts bringing up "when is she going to sleep in her own bed" and "why are you still nursing her" that I know I have not been giving him enough attention. After I give him some lovin he usually stops. Sorry for the personal info, but I find its really true and keeps him off my back.

    Another thing that helps me is just getting away even to take a long shower or bath. Any alone time seems to help. Even if you are just in the other room for 10 minutes. When I get really frustrated, or my husband is out of town, I just try to remind myself that very soon, she will not want to nurse and this time will be over. Since I am not sure if I will have any more children, I try to enjoy this time as much as I can.

    Congratulations for nursing this long. Its not easy with one, "I am not worthy". I don't know how you made it with twins--you are my hero.
    Last edited by g.elms; June 15th, 2007 at 10:08 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    2,631

    Default Re: Feeling tethered to the house by nursing. How do you cope?

    I always try to call someone on the phone, or I go on the internet, for example, to this forum, and I feel a little better, just until I can get out.
    when I was pregnant, I did not have a car, and I lived up a long hill from town, so I didn't walk much, and everybody I know works and didn't have time to come visit. I almost went nuts! But you will get through it, and there will be a time, yes, when you will look back on these special times with your kids and miss it so much. Keep that thought in your head when you just can't get out, and it will carry you through until you can get your not-mommy time. Everybody needs the time to be themselves, and do things for themselves, but if you just can't find the time now, you have got to have something that will keep you sane until you can. Complete isolation isn't good, but sometimes it happens, no matter what you try to do. Just remember that a positive attitude will get you through, but a negative attitude will make it just so much more hard.
    HTH

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