Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006


    Im at a loss! She is fed, she is changed she even falls limp asleep after a feeding but as soon as i lay her in her crib, SCREAMMMMMMMmm and she wont stop! She loves the swing and i let her stay in it one night outta exhaustion but i do not want to do that. Co sleeping is not an option cause i wont sleep well with her in our Queen bed, and the side lining postion doesnt work well with us, my boobs are saggy and i have to hold the skin up so she can breath and stop squrming.

    Some nights it takes up 2 hours to get her down with multiple feedings in between trying to get her down. Im a new mom to nursing, my son didnt latch well so i always wanted a nursing baby and i have one BUT I hate feeling frustrated, Hubby bothers me . he has a sore back and sleeps or naps while im up still with miss fussy pants . Im a SAHM and have her all day and every feeding he even puts earplugs in his ears at night!! Im trying hard to not thrown in the towel. I tried formula. YIKES YES she doesnt like it at all. I pump to have some BM on hand for hubby to give one bottle around dinner so i can have a break but the last few days i get excuses as to why he cant feed her so i dont bother and I feed her. SO between the fussiness with her, the lack of sleep and feeling like a single parent WHAT TO DO???? Sorry this is LONG!! I just dont want to quit after a month now and yet i dont like feeling like im the only one taking care of her...( I have a 5 yr old son who i also feel like is neglected cause of Kaelas fussiness and feedings )

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006


    I am not an expert, I am bfing my first, now four months old. But one thing I do know is that you need your DH support. In my bfing class we took before our ds was born the BCLC said the #1 reason women quit bfing is lack of support from their husbands. So you're not a lone in feeling furstrated when it comes to that. You're a trooper for sticking with it. Have you tried printing up some articles on why bfing is so good for baby and mama? Maybe he just needs to appreciate it a little more. Also articles on how hard you're working day and night to give your dd a great start to life?

    When we're tired even little things affect us much more than they usually would. My dh would tell me to leave and go to Starbuck's or someplace, just for a half an hour or take a shower. It's amazing how little you need to feel grounded again and ready to go back to your baby.

    I don't know if what I said helps at all, but wanted you to know we understand. You are doing a great job with going forward with bfing even after it didn't work with your first one. Don't get too discouraged - Hang in There!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006


    Oh gosh, Wendy, you sound so tired and frustrated. I can understand...things seem tough now, I know. <<<Hugs>>>

    I know you will hear from other moms on this, but I wanted to address the sleep issue of your post. Having a baby who does not want to be put down to go to sleep is very normal. I know this doesn't make it any easier, but it will get better. (And as you can see, formula didn't seem to help that much! Her temperment is her temperment, no matter what she is eating!) I know you said co-sleeping is not possible for you, but I wanted to mention one thing that has worked for some moms in this situation. Since baby does not like to be moved after falling asleep, you can move *yourself*. Here's how: Using another bed (safe place for dd-guest bed or mattress in another room) you could lay down to nurse her-just long enough to get her to sleep. I know you said side-lying position is hard, but maybe just long enough til she is sleeping. Or you could hold her and sort of lay on your side, working her down to laying next to you. Either way, when you are sure she is asleep, *you* get up and go to bed in your own bed, leaving her to sleep where she is. Many moms find this works wonders for babies who don't like the actual act of being put down. Also, some moms find that leaving the baby to sleep on an article of clothing that smells like them (something that you have nursed in and has milk on it is a bonus!) allows baby to smell you and feel more secure.

    Another thing that works for some moms in this situation is wearing the baby down (to sleep) in a sling and then slipping the sling off with baby inside. This acts as a transition to being put down. Other fussy babies enjoy white noise, sound machines or other types of things that make a little noise.

    Are you able to sleep at all during the day when dd sleeps? I know it must be difficult to feel you are neglecting ds right now. Many moms find that wearing their babies in a sling during the day helps eliminate some fussiness and keeps baby overall happier.

    Would any of these suggestions work for you?

    As far as dh, it must feel very lonely to not have his support in this. Maybe you and he could brainstorm some things that he *could* do to help out. Would helping with ds take some of the burden off of you? What about helping with cooking or laundry? Would that be something he could do? Some dads have certain ways to hold babies that moms just can't replicate. Maybe just taking dd out for a walk around the house for 15 minutes would give you a little break. We just discussed this type of scenario at one of our series meetings the other day and one group mom had a great suggestion for her dh who sometimes had a hard time figuring out what to do with her baby. She sat down *with* him and made a list of all things baby liked: specifics like-humming, walking outside, bouncing gently on exercise ball, etc. That way, he had things he could try with the baby and it wasn't the mom *telling* him what to do. They hung this list on the fridge. She *checked* it from time to time as well. Maybe you could try something like this with dh.

    Just know that things seem rough now, but they will get better. You are not alone and we will all try to see you through this rough time.

    Are you able to attend local LLL meetings. The support you would receive there could really be helpful for you.

    Also, Dr. Sears has a wonderful book out about high-need babies called "The Fussy Baby Book". You can find it for sale in our online catalog-or you might find it at the library (very likely it would be in the library of your local LLL group!) Either way, it is a wonderful resource that I would recommend.

    Hang in there, Wendy. You are doing a great job!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2006


    It isnt that DH isnt supportive, he just does that, he has to work etc.....maybe he figures since im the one to feed her that he doesnt have to get up. when he was off work he would at least get up to change her and bring her to me to me, but once he went back to work, its changed.

    I havent bought a sling yet, i want to was just waiting to make sure that the Bfing was going well before i spend more money.

    I dont know why she is so fussy, i do have support here locally, i attend a breasteeding support group brought on by the military hospital, they are very pro breast! And i have a backup LC that i did call today to give me some advice.
    The past few days i had noticed when she is feeding that she will get really wiggley and kick and her face will turn red and she will fuss. I dunno why this has been happening,I started giving her gas drops havent seen it to help too much yet. the other thing the LC said is maybe i have a strong letdown and it makes her upset, I dont know...

    Right now i just fed her for 15 min each side and she is now fussy after the feeding ended 15 mins ago. Just put her in the swing. anyways thanks!! You have given me alot to consider ! I just hope it passes!

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