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Thread: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

  1. #1
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    Default Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Please help me, I posted a few days ago about gas with my baby- I am so tired and so confused and ready to give this up... can anyone make any suggestions? I'm sooooo tired. DH is a big help, but has to work during the week and can't stay up with me weeknights.

    When my 2 week old baby lays down on his back to sleep he starts grunting, squealing and then grunting harder and harder like it is gas. Sometimes gas comes out but mostly he just fights and fights.

    I'm so daunted by giving up foods- it's going to take too long, I need an answer soon! I'm hardly eating anything- no cows milk products and hardly any vegetables (iceburg lettuce and some tomatoes). Just some turkey, peaches, bagels and pasta and grape juice. I can't imagine spending the next couple of weeks trying to eliminate different foods from my diet while I watch him cry and be miserable all that time. What is it??? I wish he could talk.

    Sometimes he has green stools and yet I have been keeping him on one breast for each feeding (feedings usually last 15-25 minutes long). So I don't think that is from the foremilk/hindmilk problem, as he is getting both in each feeding.

    He gets hiccups a lot, could it be air from that? I've tried to keep him from crying too hard so he doesn't take in air that way. Help!!!

    Thank you, I'm at my wit's end---

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    I know what you mean about being at your wits end and not being able to eat anything. I found with my little guy I just had to eliminate dairy, but ALL dairy right down to the whey protein that seems to be in everything. I know Fleishmans marg doesn't have any dairy in it and my local grocery chain has a lactose free marg as well. Maybe check to see if yours does becaue it's much cheaper. I think there is still something that is bothering him but I wasn't even able tot get through a full fedding before and now I can so like you said I'm not eating much so I don't want to eliminate anything else. My LC told me as well that 50% of babies allergic to milk are allergic to soy so I turned to rice milk instead as a replacement. If you think it might be reflux here's a site that helped me www.fussybaby.org/reflux.htm

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    What you describe sounds normal. There is a thread about this elsewhere on this message board and lots of mommies have babies that do this after eating. Due do their immature digestive systems, which is normal. My daughter does it, and it certainly is annoying but I'm not even altering my diet because I'm told she will grow out of it. The grunting certainly is annoying and causing many sleepless nights but your baby is probably fine. I try to keep her upright for a while in her carseat. That helps.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Here is the link to this discussion:

    http://lalecheleague.org/vbulletin/s...ead.php?t=1523

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. The first few weeks can be a real ordeal, and all the more so when you feel there's some mystery afoot with your baby's behavior.

    Gas and noisy sleeping don't necessarily indicate a problem. Most people pass some gas on a daily basis, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong in our diets. The gas is hard for newborns to deal with, because they don't have to trunk strength and coordination to pass it easily on their own. If you see him uncomfortable, try helping him pass the gas with things like: bicycling his legs; tummy time on your lap or belly-down along your forearm (the pressure on the tummy can feel good); an I-Love-U massage with some baby-safe massage oil on his tummy (like almond or olive). http://www.babycenter.com/general/3834.html (not an approved LLL source, just a nice visual explanation.)

    I would not assume from the gas and grunting while sleeping that your diet is causing any of this. It sounds to me like you are finding an elimination diet to be a real hardship right now. Perhaps it is not necessary? I have no BTDT experience, but I've gotten the sense from other moms that when there was a food sensitivity, their babies were screaming and miserable, not just gassy and squirmy.

    Green stools, even occasional ones, more often suggest too much foremilk and thus an oversupply. Feeding on one breast per feeding is a good way to start dealing with that, but depending on how frequently he is nursing and how severe the oversupply is, it may not quite do the trick. Some moms find that "block feeding" -- nursing from only one breast for a block of time, no matter how many feedings happen within that time -- is the way to go. We usually suggest starting with three-hour blocks and extending that as needed after a few days.

    Oh, and newborns often do hiccup a lot -- it's perfectly normal and doesn't indicate any kind of problem.

    Please let us know what would be helpful to you -- you can find lots of support and encouragement here, as we've all been 2 weeks postpartum at least once and can well remember how overwhelmed and at sea we felt. And yet we all got through it okay, and I'm confident that you will, too! Hang in there and take things one feeding at a time. Life will get better before long!

    --Rebecca

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Hi Wendy,
    I just read your previous post. I think I would like to clarify a few things, if that is ok.

    Have you decided to eliminate certain foods hoping that you will end ds's fussiness? Do you have a history of food allergies in your family?

    Are the fussiness and green stools ds's only symptoms? Are stools always green?

    Elimination diets can be very difficult for mothers and if you haven't seen a major difference in ds then you may try adding things back in. According to LLLI most mothers can eat any food without causing fussiness in their babies. In most instances avoiding particular foods will not cut down on fussiness and may dissuade some women from BF. This is not to say that you are wrong, just that it is really more rare than people realize for babies to be bothered by something in mom's diet.

    Are there foods that you don't like but you are eating while BF or ate during pregnancy for the benefit of ds? Are there foods that you crave?

    These types of foods *may* be suspect. If you have a food that fits this description it would be wise to eliminate it. You should eliminate no more than one or two foods at a time to pinpoint the cause more easily.

    About ds's fussiness and sleeplessness: Many newborn babies just do not sleep well on their backs. They startle too easily and do not feel secure in that position. I noticed in your previous post you mentioned he sleeps well on your chest but you are afraid to let him sleep that way because of the risk of SIDS. The term SIDS is actually used to refer to a baby left to sleep alone and then found to have died in his/her sleep. Your baby would not be at risk for SIDS while sleeping with you or dozing on your chest. He would actually regulate his breathing patterns better when near you or on you, as this is what he is used to from being inside you for so long. LLLI does not condone sleeping with babies on couches, armchairs or other places where babies can fall from your arms and get wedged. But there are very safe ways to co-sleep with a baby in a bed. Here is a link for this:

    http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/cosleep.html

    You may find that you and he will get more sleep and subsequently be more rested if you try at least some form of co-sleeping. Your ds just may have his own sleep preferences right now, and that is completely normal. It is actually a survival instinct for very young babies to not want to be put down and to prefer to be near mom all of the time. It is natures way of helping establish BF as well!

    About his stools: some amount of color variation in babys' stools is normal. Not every baby is going to have the exact same color. Could you please tell me a little bit more about your nursing pattern? You mentioned keeping ds on one side for each feeding. About how many times in 24 hours does he nurse?

    Finally, is he getting any other supplements, medications or anything else? This can make a difference with everything.

    As the PP stated, this can all be considered somewhat normal and if altering you diet is too difficult you may wish to go back to eating as you were, especially if you have not seen results. I would hate to see you give up on nursing just to find you still have a fussy baby!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Thank you all for your replies! I just keep thinking his squirminess and uncomfortableness is something I did (as we speak, he is currently napping on his crib with NO squirminess or grunts!!).

    Kate, thanks for taking all this time to write to me, and everyone. I have no history of food allergies in my family and my husband has none himself personally. However, his family we have one niece and one nephew who are severly allergic to dairy, wheat, citrus etc. They are both in their 20's one was B/f and one wasn't. (two different parents-siblings of my dh).

    I am trying to elminate foods because they told me at my hospital "no cow's milk!" but I've been off of it for a week and nothing differen with his gas/squirminess/grunting. I haven't added anything that I didn't usually eat, though.

    I enjoyed sleeping with my son like that on my chest, but I was worried he might die! Also, I've read that children need to learn to sleep on their backs so that when they get older, they're in the habit of doing so? I don't know- I haven't been able to read that article you linked yet, as I'm actually getting to cook dinner right now! But I will. Thank you fory our tips, I didn't know that about SIDS and co-sleeping.

    My nursing pattern is to give him one breast at each feeding. I try to burp him, but he just doesn't seem to be in the program of burping. He usually eats about once every 2-2.5 hours although today he had several feedings 1 hour apart. He usually nurses for 15-25 minutes. I haven't actually counted his feedings, though. I will try. I have alternated breasts each time. I'm not giving him any supplements, nor am I taking any medicine or supplements. His stools aren't green all of the time, just every 3rd or 4th poopy diaper. (he has a lot of poopy diapers!)

    Thank you, I'm going to go try to eat some hamburger and carrots! Any advice you can give me I'd really appreciat.

    Wendy

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Wendy,

    You sound frustrated with your situtation. From what you are describing it doesn't sound like you have a baby with food allergies/sensitivities. Maybe you have a slight hindmilk/foremilk imbalance. Nursing on one side per feed like your are doing can help. Maybe you should try block feeding as well. Only nursing on one side for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Also keep in mind any of these changes that you do can take about 2 weeks or so to notice any changes. The co-sleeping mention in the pp is a life saver for some. If you are not comforable with that, have you tried swaddling your baby when he sleeps? I also am thinking you may have a fussy baby like mentioned previously. You may want to check out Dr. Sears' Fussy Baby book. It was a livesaver for me.

    Hope some of this helps,

    You're not alone.
    Jennifer
    Jennifer
    Wife to my Marine
    Crunchy mom to my wonderful boys
    Michael 6/02 c-sec
    Willem 1/05 c-sec
    Gavin 6/07 amazing water homebirth VBAC

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Hi Wendy,

    The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears is a *wonderful* resource, as the PP mentioned. I would highly suggest it. Many mothers have read it and realized that they are normal, baby is normal, and it is ok to be this way. They have also found ways to handle baby's fussiness and meet needs without sacrificing attachment. Also, here is a link to some LLL articles on high-need babies.

    http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBfussy.html

    Is there a reason they told you "no cow's milk" at the hospital? Do you enjoy cow's milk and other dairy products? If so, you could try adding them back into your diet to see if they make a difference.

    I'm so sorry that you were worried about your son while having him sleep on your chest! Some moms are just not comfortable in this position, some babies and moms do it for awhile until baby is comfortable in other positions, like next to mom in bed. Again, with the proper safety precautions, co-sleeping can be very safe and can allow you to get some much needed rest.

    The issue of SIDS and putting babies on their backs to sleep again has been misconstrued. SIDS is what experts use as a cause of death when there is no other explanation. If a baby were co-sleeping and were rolled over on by an intoxicated parent (terrible but could happen) that would not be SIDS, it would be suffocation. The media has confused the general public terribly about SIDS. The same instincts that prevent you from rolling out of bed when you sleep will prevent you from rolling over on your baby. If all things are healthy and normal (no drugs, alcohol, etc.) this type of sleep arrangement works for so many moms. Here is another link to some more articles by LLL on sleep issues:

    http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBsleep.html

    By the way, this is just anecdotal, but my dd's have slept everywhere and in every position while they were babies and now they almost always sleep on their backs! I think you have to consider things now and try to do what works for now to get you some sleep, realizing that things can and do change!

    BF babies typically do not take in much air and many do fine without burping. The block feeding suggested may cut down on the green poops, but I would caution you at this early stage from using blocks of time much greater than 2-3 hours. You are still at the "establishing your milk supply" stage and although you are trying to balance things out for ds you would not want to cause too great a drop in supply.

    I hope you enjoyed your dinner!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Desperate, tired and confused on new baby

    Thank you all for your suggestions! I'll try to work through this grunting thing and see if he's ok. He doesn't cry during it, so perhaps he's ok and I just need to learn to sleep through his noises and wiggling.

    Kate- I like cow's milk products. I don't know why they suggested I don't eat it except that I asked "what foods can cause gas" and they said that was the most common culprit. So once he showed up with gas problems, that's what I cut out first.

    I'll see how this week goes and realize he's just developing his little digestive system and not necessarily miserable.

    Thanks!

    Wendy

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