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Thread: People can be so insensitive

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    473

    Default People can be so insensitive

    I don't get it, I work full-time and I have had so many disrespectful, rude, discriminatory comments made to me that I just want to bag it and stay home . . . not an option until my husband finishes his career change, but still I'm so sick of it!

    Today, there was a meeting at our library with most of the library directors from both public and academic libraries in the state in attendance. One of the highest ranking people from the meeting stopped to say hi to me on their way out. Of course they inquired about my son, asked how he was, etc. (I had just pumped too so I had the obvious black bag with me). I asked them if they attended the library conference recently held, they said "Oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah". I mentioned I didn't attend this year, that I was a presenter last year . . . then they cut me off and said "Oh, I know the baby is more important and you're tired." I just stood there, kind of shook my head and said "Well, not really". They changed the subject and that was it.

    Why do people think they can say these things? I have a list a mile long of the rude, derogatory, and down right discriminatory things my boss, co-workers, and colleages have said to me. I know I can't be alone in this. Seems like working mothers can be openly criticized and discriminated against and it's okay in the workplace, there is no protection for us either unfortunately in labor laws. It happens though, I'm guessing more than I want to know. I've been busting my hide at work to overcome the criticisms I get, my productivity and committment are no less to my job than they were before I became a mother.

    Just a rant, and I need a hug. Can't wait to go home and see my boys after I put in my hard day of work.

    My Little Reverse Cyclers
    *DS born July 2006, nursed 3 yrs 10 mos!
    *DD born January 2011, happily nursing and bucking the bottle just like big brother
    *One Angel baby we sadly never met July 2009

    Happily married to an amazing man who puts up with all my craziness since 1999.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    Rant away-you have every right. I think sometimes people don't even realize what they are saying!
    Here's a and I know you'll hold your boys extra tightly tonight!

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    1,710

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    Yeah, they may have thought they were being supportive.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Oh FFS!
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    10,008

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    I disagree with pp, to me it sounds like they were essentially shutting her up.

    for you. I personally don't stand for that kind of talk and don't even try to change the subject until I've address your complete lack of tact and civility. But that's just me.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    193

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    I'm right there with you. I swear if one more person at work tells me that I look tired, I'm going to scream!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    778

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    Ridiculous. As if your opinion is no longer valid now that you have given birth. I love it when people look at me like they feel so sorry for me. Oh you HAVE to work..I bet you wish you could stay home blah blah blah. Truth be told I truely don't have to work, I love my job. Its FUN most of the time anyway. DH thinks I should quit when LO #2 comes. I don't know, I don't work that many hrs to begin with ...maybe I will go pt time. and just do 2 days a week. Anyway you know what's best for your family and their will be plenty of people who are ready and more than willing to judge you and give you their opinions. You can let them have it or let it ride. I wouldn't worry about people being so rude...you seem like you are to inteligent for that nonsense anyway
    karin

    wife to the best guy... anthony
    BF~PTCD'ing~ co-sleeping~ babywearing~organic eating mom to adorable anneliese 9/27/06 and sweet little melania 12/22/07
    and mom to my first love.... 3 fur babies

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    252

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    Ha! I work in a public library and initially thought my co-workers would be really supportive of me during my pregnancy. WRONG. My branch manager told me I was "ruining her life" by taking maternity leave and then I had to fight with HR to get my FMLA extended, even though federal law is very clearly stated. The latest trend is harassment from the boss when baby is sick and needs to be picked up from daycare. I had to leave early last week and was quizzed about what time the daycare closed. I think this is irrelevant. If ds needs me, he needs me, period. I get harassed all the time for my pumping breaks (15mo and still going strong) and the worst comes from people who have never had children. GRRR! You are not alone, lunaticlibrarian. And apparently OTHER librarians are the real lunatics!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    561

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    Quote Originally Posted by Danismommy07 View Post
    I'm right there with you. I swear if one more person at work tells me that I look tired, I'm going to scream!
    To paraphrase my sister, "I look tired. You look ugly. I can sleep."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Not around here as much :(
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    12,132

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    Quote Originally Posted by barb View Post
    To paraphrase my sister, "I look tired. You look ugly. I can sleep."
    I like it & will be using it!


    and to the OP - some people just say things. It's like they have no control over their mouth.

    to the pp that said they get grief for pumping breaks - just start telling them they're smoke breaks and they wont harass you!! j/k it's sad, but it's true.
    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
    Emerson


    Ban the bags. ......... Watch your language. ....... Help keep Dr Newman's clinic open!

    We demand that our childcare providers are CPR certified... why don't we demand the same of ourselves! Get certified!

    I lost 22 lbs in 8 months... with a bit of determination and common sense information from this book.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,421

    Default Re: People can be so insensitive

    I get this from co-workers and customers. I love being told that working is going to ruin my relationship with my son and tht I am being selfish. Oh yeah, and I seem to always look tired too. here is a you are def not alone
    Danielle

    Mom to Gage 12/28/06

    Wife to Trinity 6/21/03 my best friend

    ed for year, finally done!!!!
    for more than a year now!

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