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Thread: Will I be short-changing DS . . .

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    6

    Default Will I be short-changing DS . . .

    . . . if I get pregnant before he is 2?

    I know it seems like a strange q but most of my sibs' kids are 3 years apart and most didn't tandem nurse. I just feel like 3 years of nursing would prob make DS really happy and a great kid. But I am already 37 and finally got a period again at 14 mos. Who knows if I am actually ovulating but we aren't trying to prevent conception. It took us 9 mos to conceive DS but with a 2d pg, I always hear, it is often quicker to happen.

    I just don't want DS to self-wean if I get pg, if my milk supply dries up. and I don't know if I can deal with tandem nursing . . . jealousy issues? and my IL's woul have a COW!

    Your thoughts?

    Susan

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Will I be short-changing DS . . .

    I think its all in your attitude. If you think you will short change him, then yeah, you probably will. But having a sibling is a plus, not a minus, in my opinion, and I'm glad my brother and I were close in age (23 months). We are still super close, and I always had someone to play with, who was into the same things (stage-wise) as me.

    Dd is still nursing and I am pregnant and have very little milk. I will let it play out how ever it plays out. I'm not in it to tandem nurse, but if works out that way, I'm okay with that too. And I think she will really love a little brother!

    Erin
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Will I be short-changing DS . . .

    I don't think so.
    My last two babies were 2 years and 8 days apart.
    we didn't tandem nurse.
    My 2 year old asked one time and I said its for the baby and he never asked again.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2,178

    Default Re: Will I be short-changing DS . . .

    Another thing to consider is: What do you think your child needs? With my oldest son, I knew he wasn't ready to have a sibling at that age. He was a very high needs little boy. He is 3 years older than his little brother.

    However, my youngest son is 14 mos and while he's high needs too, his personality is different, and I know he would do just fine with a little sister or brother. In DS#2's case though, I do know that he is no where near being ready to wean, and so I I know he needs to continue nursing. If I were to get pregnant now and lose my milk supply like some women do, he would be devastated, and I would really feel like I shortchanged him of the nursing he still needs.

    My point is that with DS#1, I knew he wasn't ready to learn to be a big brother. With DS#2, I know he's not ready to wean, and that it would be detrimental to him if I forcefully weaned him right now, so I'm avoiding a pregnancy for now until I'm confident that he wouldn't be hurt if my milk supply were to stop or dramatically decrease. He would do great with a little sibling though even right now.

    I think the answer is to really take a close look at your current child and decide what's best for them. And like EPBrown said, if you think you will shortchange him, then you probably will. If you aren't sure you'll have the time and energy to give your oldest child everything he needs while you're pregnant and after baby #2's birth, then it would make sense to wait at least another few months until your son is a bit older. But if you're confident that your son would do fine if you were to lose your milk supply, and he's a child that adjusts easily to new situations and all, then GO FOR IT!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    107

    Default Re: Will I be short-changing DS . . .

    How much is he nursing now? I ask because Mez nursed a lot up until he was about 3 years old. I waited because I knew he needed it and I also knew that I couldn't handle another one since he is so high needs. I am pregnant now and Mez is 4 years old. He only nurses once or twice a week, and am I glad. Because, ouch, it hurts. He only nurses for a few seconds, and so I grin and bear it.

    Basically though, there isn't a right or wrong time to get pregnant. It's what you think you and your child can handle. There are people who swear that 2 year spacing is ideal. That the kids will sure to be close. But take a look around, that's not always true. We can't make our kids be close. My brother and I are 4 years apart and as kids we were so close. We did everything together. Once he hit puberty, he wanted nothing to do with me and we've been distant ever since. My husband and his sister are two years apart. They are somewhat close, but not really. A friend of ours is five years younger than his sister, and they are best friends.

    You have to follow your heart to make this difficult decision. You know what you and your child can handle.

    -Lauren

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