Re: I'm about to have a nervous break down.
I was involved in an auto accident when I was 33 weeks preg with dd, that combined with the weight of the baby and fluids put my back in severe pain. It took about 2 months after delivery before I felt relief. When you nurse, do you use a nursing pillow? Where do you nurse (rocking chair, recliner, couch)? I was nursing dd on the couch so ds could sit next to us and be a "part" of the experience and was not using a nursing pillow. I had one but it didn't seem to help. An LC came to check on how we were doing and put me in my glider, made me use my bobby pillow and stuffed 2 pillows from my bed between my lap and the bobby. She then gave me an auto pillow (they are almost flat) and removed my arm from under dd's head and put the auto pillow there to support her head. I no longer was having to hold her weight, the pillows were doing it for me. All I had to do was simply cross the arm opposite the side she was nursing over her legs and place my hand behind her head to prevent her from rolling off or pulling her head back. I felt instant relief and was able to sit upright. Try grabbing as many pillows as you can and let them do the work for you. Also, the glider made a big difference because of where the arms were located. I tried using my recliner, but I would sink down to low in the center to keep my back straight and even when I sat on pillows to stop the sinking, the arms were too far away from my body to do any good.
As for raw nipple, use lots and lots of Lanolin, it is pure & safe for baby so you can even put it on before you start nursing, but definately put it on afterwards too. A nipple shield can also help correct the way dd is nursing. My dd was nursing incorrectly at first so she was efficently drawing the milk out, a nipple shield corrected that. See if you can get that LC back out to see you. The LC I saw in the hospital when dd was born put her finger in dd's mouth and could tell that way that she was tongue tied. The nipple gaurd helped her learn how to position her tounge so she was nursing instead of "chewing". It made such a difference! It also protected my nipples from getting raw and let them heal from the damage dd had already done. Medela makes a great one the has a contact point (cut out so baby's nose touches breast) and they are made of thin silicone so they don't interfere with stimulation like they used to. My sister had inverted nipples so she has to use one and her dd is 6 months and she is still exclusively bf and even supplies me with her extra milk to give to my dd at daycare (I pump at work but don't get enough with the pump for her bottles).
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Anyone can tell by how much you are trying and the sacrafices you are making for your dd that you are a wonderful caring mother! Breastfeeding isn't as easy as people think it is, there are lots of things that can go wrong and even if you do decide to stop you are not doing harm to your baby. Any amount of breastmilk that you have given to your dd over the past 3 weeks is better than none at all. Your love your darling so much and it is abvious you only want to do what is best for her. Sometimes the stress of bf can interfere with your relationship. Please don't think that by stopping you are a bad mother. **Gives big hugs**
Amanda Mom to James (2/25/04) and nursling Alice (8/24/05)