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Thread: Are extended nursers spoiled?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    14

    Default Are extended nursers spoiled?

    I actually read this on mommyof3 blog. (Great blog by the way, your kids are too adorable.)

    In her list of why someone would think her children were spoiled, nursing her daughter past 1 was on there. I have heard this from my mother and occasionally from my husband, that letting my daughter continue to nurse (she just turned 2 on Sunday) was spoiling her.

    I say if letting her get all the extra calories she wouldn't be getting on those picky toddler days or letting her continue to have a great immune system (she is 2 and has had 1 major cold. We have never had to give her antibiotics.) is spoiling, then I'm going to spoil her rotten.

    However, like momof3 said, spoiled is a horrible word to use in regards to children. Working in the NICU at Children's I had a nurse tell me how you could tell if a child was getting spoiled. You look behind their little ear and check for mold.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    361

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    well obviously my thoughts on the issue are clear.

    Nurishing a child in the most natural way possible is NOT spoiling them. I have been trying desperately to switch all of our food products to organics, but it is REALLY hard to accomplish when you are a working mom of 3. I figure that I can at LEAST make sure my dd is au natural by nursing her for as long as she wants.

    I despise that word when used in reference to ANY kids. It is such an awful thing to say. Can a child ever really be totally ruined? I have definetly observed some kids that were going to have a really hard time in life becuase of the lack of discipline, but I still refuse to call them spoiled. Frankly, I just want to bring them all home and straighten them out myself!
    http://thesfamilychronicles.blogspot.com

    "At the heart of motherhood is the kind of satisfaction unequalled in any other profession on earth."
    -Tina Neidlein


    Isaac- 1/1/01 Nursed only 4 months, had no idea what I was doing.
    Nathan- 4/28/03 preemie, 1 month NICU stay and still managed exclusive nursing for 6 months, better.
    Anna- 4/15/06 Self weaned just after turning 3.
    Baby girl due May 14th

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    2,631

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    How would you straighten them out? My DD1 is does what she wants a lot, regrardless of what I say, all though I did try not to let her get that way. Guess I failed in that. I have no idea what to do with her sometimes.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    63

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    My initial response to this question was "that's just silly." But then I realized there are people out there that would actually adhere to that line of thought. Ugh.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    107

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    The best thing to do is to follow your heart. I think people who think that breastfeeding beyond one year is spoiling have completely lost touch with their own true feelings. They've allowed themselves to "follow the herd".

    -Lauren

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    8,018

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgenboze View Post
    I say if letting her get all the extra calories she wouldn't be getting on those picky toddler days or letting her continue to have a great immune system (she is 2 and has had 1 major cold. We have never had to give her antibiotics.) is spoiling, then I'm going to spoil her rotten.

    My other favorite is that bfing past one year is more for the mom than the child. Yeah, I endured 3+ months of a painful breast infection/thrush elimination diet for fun.
    I think part of the issue here is a certain amount of defensiveness on the part of some people who choose not to EBF. I think the mindset is kind of: "If I did the right thing by weaning my child at 12 mos (or earlier), then you must be spoiling your child by allowing him/her to continue to BF." KWIM?

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    1,048

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    There are different definitions of "spoiled" (and you're right, it is a bad word to use for children). Some folks use it in a positive way, as in the indulgent way grandparents might treat a child. But my connotation of the word is when a child is insecure, unhappy and despirately in need of boundaries. Yes, some breastfed kids are like that. And of course more kids who aren't bf'ed are like that because there are more kids who aren't. Really, there are days my child acts like that and days she doesn't. But I think that in general she's NOT spoiled partly because of the lessons that both she and I learned during her second and third year nursing. Through breastfeeding, we learned about limits, recovering from conflict, priorities, compromise, respect and much more. If I spoiled her, at least I didn't spend any money doing it and it didn't involve high fructose corn syrup or red dye #40.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    58

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    here's a great quote from Dr. Sears

    "Spoiling happens when a child is put on the shelf, left alone, forgotten about--the way that food spoils."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    45

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    Quote Originally Posted by mommapotter View Post
    How would you straighten them out? My DD1 is does what she wants a lot, regrardless of what I say, all though I did try not to let her get that way. Guess I failed in that. I have no idea what to do with her sometimes.

    I have 2 older a kids and what worked for me was a physical follow up to my requests. I did not request very much and I like to think that I chose very few battles. However, if my los did something that could harm their safety or something that was just unacceptable to us, we first tried to distract them, gently telling them why they couldn't do what they wanted. Using a funny voice, and tickling seemed to do the trick for us. If they were really focused on what they were doing and couldn't stop, we walked or ran to them and picked them up and just did not let them continue. Sometimes just taking their hand and leading them away from what they are involved in works great. Most little kids will follow you anywhere when you are gently holding their hand. I still use this technique on my 7 year old and 10 year old, too. Tickling and acting silly still works, too.

    As far as extended BF... my los weaned at 3 and 5 (years )and they are awesome. I got lots of flack from lots of people about my choices, but now my kids are confident and kind, and they tell me everything. All their teachers tell me how well behaved, helpful & etc. they are. To tell the truth I feel rather smug when I see kids whose parents swore we were spoiling them.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: Are extended nursers spoiled?

    Quote Originally Posted by erika1131 View Post
    here's a great quote from Dr. Sears

    "Spoiling happens when a child is put on the shelf, left alone, forgotten about--the way that food spoils."
    I love that quote! Words to live by!

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