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Thread: I am so sad!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Unhappy I am so sad!

    Hello All,

    I was having lunch with my closest friends the other day and our pregnant friend was talking about all the classes she had signed up for (including a BF class). I told her that although I hadn't taken a class it was sounded like fun... well our other friend (who did not BF -- well actually I am the only one of my small group who BF) made a comment that at least her husband didn't have to go. I disagreed and said that husbands can be a great support when BF. I then said that I felt very lucky that my husband has been so supportive and made the comment that I had no idea I would be BF a toddler...

    THEN.......... she said "Well, you are disgusting...."

    This is not only one of my best friends, this is my son's God Mother. I was in shock. I was so pissed that I lashed back... and now I am too annoyed to even look at her.

    How could someone I trusted be so mean?

    I am sad and sickened. What is wrong with people and why should I be shamed for doing what is best for MY CHILD?

    BTW, I have never BF in front of her.

    Julie

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    718

    Default Re: I am so sad!

    I`ve found that after having a baby I began to see my friends in a different light. Many of them are pro formula, pro CIO. You name it, all the stuff I don`t believe in. Yet, I have to remind myself that they are still my friends/relatives and while they might disagree (sometimes in a rude manner) they still belong to me.
    to you for breastfeeding a toddler and never even consider feeling bad about it (even if other people try to make you so)

    Mommy to a busy toddler

    "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep in order to gain that which he cannot lose."
    Jim Elliot

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    9,280

    Default Re: I am so sad!

    Wow, I can't believe your friend would say that to you. That is so hurtful!! Do you think maybe she is uneducated regarding breastfeeding? Or perhaps she is jealous of the close bond you and your LO have, PLUS the fact that you have a supportive husband.....

    Lyn
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  4. #4
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    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: I am so sad!

    Lyn,

    I think it is a bit of both -- but honestly, I can only hope that her comment went to some deeper issues. I never thought much about BF or guessed how much I would love it or how proud of myself I would be -- but I do and I am. I know I am doing the best possible thing for my son, but to have my best friend call me disgusting (and to have the rest of my friends not say a word, btw) was a huge blow!

    I once read a comment here that we have to be careful who we choose to share with but I never thought I would have to worry about my closest friends!

    Julie

  5. #5
    Pazygozo's Avatar
    Pazygozo is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: I am so sad!

    What a hard thing to hear from your friend! I would just have to guess that that is what she has been "programmed" to think/say by our society. Honestly, I doubt she's ever thought about it herself really, and maybe your other friends haven't either.

    I certainly hadn't before I had a baby. When I was first pregnant and DH and I got to talking about BF, I said something like "well, if they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old. That's gross." And then wondered why I thought that, because I hadn't even really THOUGHT about it and wasn't even sure I believed it. It just came right out of my mouth! Scary, huh? But I am still nursing my 13 month old and even though he doesn't ask with words (yet) he makes sure I know when he wants to nurse! And this is definately not the only issue I've seen my self do an about-face on once I actually considered the issue instead of what "everybody else" said about it.

    Because these ARE your closest friends, I bet you are making a huge difference in the way they will learn to see breastfeeding and babies and parenting. Only it's so hard not to take comments like that that happen at the beginning of a changing-of-the-mind process personally, because, for crying out loud, what is more personal than the way we choose to be mothers? I hope your friend was only being a parrot. Still hurts though. Hugs to you and big cheers for your successes!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    361

    Default Re: I am so sad!

    I am SO SORRY hon!!! I am very careful who I choose to discuss my extended nursing with. I have a few friends who absolutely will not get it and I don't want to go through the same kind of thing. I wish I had something more helpful to say, I am just really sorry that this happened to you.
    http://thesfamilychronicles.blogspot.com

    "At the heart of motherhood is the kind of satisfaction unequalled in any other profession on earth."
    -Tina Neidlein


    Isaac- 1/1/01 Nursed only 4 months, had no idea what I was doing.
    Nathan- 4/28/03 preemie, 1 month NICU stay and still managed exclusive nursing for 6 months, better.
    Anna- 4/15/06 Self weaned just after turning 3.
    Baby girl due May 14th

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    Default Re: I am so sad!

    I'm sorry your friend was so unsupportive. Husbands do make a big difference in nursing. Maybe she was jealous of your child's and husband's bond with you. Maybe when her baby comes and she is faced with the same choice you and her will look back and laugh.
    -Jenn
    Stepmom to D (12 years)
    Proud Mom to:
    B #1 (6 years) -nursed for 18 months
    B #2 (3 1/2 years) -nursed for 2 1/2 years
    B #3 (born July 06) -still nursing!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: I am so sad!

    I have had people close to me make commets as well. Not as pointed as that, but I can imagine how hurt you must have felt. Its good that we have LLL as a support to us. I'm proud of you for nursing your toddler just as much as I am proud to nurse mine!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    51

    Default Re: I am so sad!

    I'm so sorry your friend said that. That's just uncalled for. I can only imagine how much it must have hurt coming from somebody who is so close and is also your son's godmother.

    Since I have become a mother, I have actually lost a friend over parenting decisions. She's not even a parent; she's a nanny and she is very opinionated about how people should raise their children. She said a lot of things that were hurtful and basically she was unable to support me in my parenting. She showed this through the things that she said and the way she was dismissive and uncaring about my new lifestyle as a mom. It was disappointing, but I had to let the friendship go. I couldn't deal with that kind of negativity in my life. I do think that this particular girl had some issues of her own (maybe jealousy) that were contributing.

    Have you considered talking to your friend to let her know how you feel about her comment? I was never very forthright with my former friend; I kept a lot of it on the inside and eventually she just figured out that things had changed between us. Sometimes I wish I had been more outspoken about how much she hurt me. I think that she needed to know that the things she was saying were cruel, and maybe it could have saved our friendship. Maybe it couldn't have, but it wouldn't have hurt me to try...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    16

    Smile Re: I am so sad!

    If she is not a mommy yet, she just doesn't 'get it'! She may very well change her mind when her little one is still nursing after a year. I would let her know she hurt your feelings but also let her know you won't judge her for her parenting decisions and you hope she won't continue to judge yours. Friends can be hard to find and you don't want to give up on one for one harsh comment. She might really feel bad about it if she knows how much it hurt you. Good luck and congratulations on doing what is best for you and your child!

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