DD is now 7 months old. I should be proud that we've made it this far, but I'm annoyed because it's still not easy. It just feels like such a struggle. When I bf one of my other children, it wasn't hard at all. We just did it and it worked. I never counted diapers, never timed feedings, never worried about it. With this child, it seems like every time I turn around there is something else not going right. I have sore nipples, I get them healed and then something else happens and they are sore again. Her latch looks fine for a while and then boom, it's bad again. We're back to the lipstick shaped nipples again. I can't remember how I fixed that the last time, so we're probably going to have to hunt down the lactation consultant again to work on it. It looks fine from the outside, but obviously something's not right. And to top it off, she's teething and I think she gummed me a little too hard and bruised me in one spot. So, I'm gonna have pain until that heals no matter what.
It just seems like it should be easier and more enjoyable than this. This has been work, from day 1. It's not like the baby is enjoying it, either. She pulls off and throws a fit if I won't let her dig her fist in and stretch my nipple into the next county. She doesn't want to cuddle close. She fights and kicks if I try to get her to nurse in a way that's comfortable for me. And if she does nurse in a way that's comfortable for me, it seems like she's not transferring milk as effectively because I don't hear the same swallow and she pulls off and cries. But, because she gets two bottles and solids during the day, it's hard to know.
I just don't know what to do any more. This last time I tried to nurse her, we both ended up in tears. This isn't the breastfeeding relationship I wanted. I have two other kids, a husband who is out of town most of the time and a job. Just nursing is a big commitment. I don't have time to keep trying to fix it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want one of those easy relationships where the baby just latches on and it's never a problem.