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Thread: Am I an evil mother?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    18

    Default Am I an evil mother?

    LO loves to suck......but does not comfort nurse much at all. I started giving her a pacifier at about 3 weeks....only occasionally. Otherwise she would want to suck on my finger for hours on end it would seem. I just have a hard time with how I feel about it. I think I'm not just giving it to her to shut her up, but I'm scared that I might. Her latch is still good while nursing, and she doesn't need it to go to sleep at night, just when she gets over fussy occasionally during the day before a nap, or when our routine gets way out of whack. Please tell me I'm not evil....cause the leaders at my meeting didn't make me feel to good about it.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    24

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    I don't think you are evil at all. I have tried to give my LO a "chewy" but he doesn't like it. He likes to use me a pacifier. I think as long as it isn't used constantly then you will both be okay.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    91

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    Don't be too hard on yourself and don't try to impress others. Just do whatever YOU feel right doing. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving our lo pacifiers. My dd was a sucker ever since she was born and I gave one to her when she was only a few days old. Well, I had to think about it: Do I want to sit on the couch all day comfort nursing, or do I want to give the suckie to her and do other things. She loved it and it made her feel good. She is 7 months old and hardly uses it. So don't worry. You and you lo will find a way to satisty him/her.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    26

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    My son is the same way, he wants to suck on something constantly. I will allow him the breast for as long as he wants, but I use a pacifier too. For the first few weeks I was just like you, afraid of being a bad mother by giving him a pacifier or somehow jeopardizing out nursing relationship. I also wound up with my pinky in his mouth for a good part of the day, everyday. I think that as long as you tend to babies needs first, and only offer the pacifier when it is clear that they simply want to suck, it is OK. Also, babies will suck on there own fists or fingers to pacify themselves at some point. It was pointed out to me that it is much easier to take away a pacifier when the child is too old than it is to make them stop sucking the thumb. Another thing, DS and I went on a two hour car trip the other day, and in spite of our pit stop half way, he wound up crying while we went down the road. I could not stop to feed him on the side of the interstate, but the pacifier allowed him to calm down until we reached the next rest area. I feel it was healthier for him to have the pacifier then to scream his poor baby head off the whole way down the road. I have also heard that pacifier use at night may reduce the risk of SIDS, but do not have evidence or know the accuracy of this claim. Sorry for the long post, but I seriously struggled with this myself, and these are my conclusions. He also still nurses just fine. You are a wonderful mother because you care enough to think about these things.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    35

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    I would NOT say you're an evil mother. You sound like you're doing a great job. My LO likes to comfort suck, too. In the first several weeks I was a human paci. But, I can't be that all the time so at about 6 weeks I let her have a paci. I only give it to her to calm her down when she's upset, which is when she seems to want to comfort suck. Or I use it when it's nap time or bed time. It helps her relax.

    Keep up the good job!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    629

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    I gave ds a paci at about 6 weeks. If he is not attached to my boob he has fingers hands bibs....everything he can get...in his mouth. He usually usues it during car rides and nap time other than that he isn't interested. I don't think there is anything wrong with comforting your child.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    106

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    No, no certainly not evil at all! I have a very "sucky" baby. She wants to comfort suck all the time. I resisted giving her a passi in the beginning because the one desperate time when she did take it, it caused nipple confusion. So basically I was the passi most of the time. This has had to change though because now that my milk supply is so good, every time she sucks, she gets milk then screams at me because her tummy is very full. I'm trying to give her a passi now but she doesn't like it much and doesn't really know how to use it. She manages to suck it if I hold it otherwise it pops out constantly. She will only take it when she's desperate e.g. sore tummy, after a day with WAY to much stimulation (I have a very large latin family!). She manages to get her hands to her mouth now which does calm her down. I'm glad about that because she cant keep putting the passi back in her mouth by herself!
    A loving mother does what she has to do. Everybody is different. Only those who ignore their baby's needs are evil, not you!
    Mummy to sweet little Roselyne, born 20 Dec 2006 and Baby Arthur born 4 Aug 2008

  8. #8

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    You are completely not an evil mother! I went thru the same thing, in fact, pre-baby, I always thought that moms who gave their babies pacifiers were just too lazy to try and interact with their children. Then I had one of my own :-). And quickly realized that if my choice was a screaming miserable baby girl, or a content satisfied girl with a pacifier, I'd pick the pacifier every time! My little girl just loved to suck, but nursed just to eat. We had a great nursing relationship, and she loved her pacifier. It was her security object for the longest time. Some kids suck their thumbs, some kids drag around ratty old blankets, my girl liked having a pacifier in her pocket. Don't beat yourself up about it - you know your child better than anyone else, and you are the only one who gets to decide what's best for your child.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Alberta, Canda
    Posts
    319

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    My mom hated Soothers and I was taught that they were evil. I tried with DS1 to give him one when all he wanted was to suck. He would never take it. With DS 2 I gave him one after he was about 4 weeks old. He wanted to suck a lot too. Just to sooth himself. He took it for about 2 months and then he started to spit it out in favor of his thumb. He now sucks his thumb to fall asleep sometimes but his need to suck has decreased. I think that giving baby what he needs can't be evil.
    Amanda Wife to my wonderful husband 06_98
    Breastfeeding, Sling Wearing, Co-sleeping, Cloth Diapering Mom to my Intact Boys
    DS #1 - 02_02 BF'ed for 9 Months and
    DS #2 - 10_06 Currently BF'ed 22 Months and still going.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    65

    Default Re: Am I an evil mother?

    You are a good mom! I gave my DS a paci about week 2 because he wanted to suck all the time. This has never gotten in the way of our BF relationship. Paci soothes him right down when he is fussy and I have already danced to "Skip to My Lou" 3 times around the house. You know what is best for your child.

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