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Thread: Anyone get pressure to wean?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Default Anyone get pressure to wean?

    My DD is 16 months old and my family and friends keep asking me when I will finish breastfeeding. I haven't really decided. But to them they want to know exactly. They say they would take her more often but don't because she still nurses. I hate this pressure

  2. #2
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    My standard reply was 'before he goes to college'. Eventually my family stopped asking and he ended up weaning himself at 3 years and 1 week. I just tried to use humor and did my best to let the comments slide.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    Do you need them to take her more often? If not then that is fine! But if you might like to take them up on their offer once in a while, let them know there are many ways to help. If you would love to look around the mall a little, unencumbered by a toddler, ask them to go along with you. You can shop, they can chase dd. Then when she needs you to nurse, they can find you and hook up. Ditto for going to church...out to eat with hubby (you can get really creative with this one!) or even being at home and playing with dd just so that you have a little break, but you are still right there.

    I think many people think of nursing a toddler as an all or nothing relationship, when in fact it does not have to be. Many toddlers your dd's age still nurse a lot, making separation nearly impossible. But many go for a few hours predictably and that is when grandparents, aunts and uncles can step in and take your baby to the park for an hour, or out in the backyard to play.

    By the way...it's ok if you don't want them to do these things! Just thought I would offer the suggestions!

    LOL at the "college" answer!

  4. #4
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    Thumbs up Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?


    You are not the only one that is beeing pressured to wean. My family some of my family and friends think that I an crazy. Because I haven't weaned my soon to be 15 month old. (On Valentine's Day)

    I will let my ds go to his grand parents for an afternoon. So that me and dh can go out for dinner and a movie. If he is going to miss an feeding tht he usually would bf. (Altough he take some cows milk and he drinks diluted juice as well). And he nurses alot on demand during the day. I will take him some juice or cows milk t drink as a substiute. And this is very nice for me and dh.

    But he has never spent the night away from us. Mainly due to the face that he still nurses before bed and occasionally in the night. (Mainly if he is teething or going though a growth spurt or sick) And because me and dh haven't wanted him to be away from us yet. He is our first and he took a long time to get here. Almost 5 years. SO we love to spend as much time with him as possible.

    I personally feel that you should not let anyone except you and your nursling decided when the time is right. ANd you are doing the natural thing to keep your baby healthy. And doing what you feel is the best for her as here mother. ANd for that you should not feel any guilt.

    I say stick to your guns and enjoy the extended nursing with your nursling.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    66

    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    At 20 months old I no idea when we will stop nursing, one day my daughter will wean herself and that will be when! Do I dare tell this to those I feel are judging me? Nope.

    During the first 3 years, I don't really want anyone else watching my child. I've caught my own mother teaching my dd how to be a brat. My daughter was saying "no" and my mother was saying "yes." Back and forth the banter went until I stepped in and stopped it. My mother wanted to watch Dancing with the Stars and my daughter did not want to. My mother saw nothing wrong with this. Everyone is entitled to their thoughts.... mine are this.... do not teach bratty behavior. It may be just a "cute game" now but I see it as something to correct in a year or so. Who wants to argue with a 3 year old who's been taught by his own grandmother.

    No thank you. I nurse for more than one reason. The best nutrition is obvious... but the commitment, closeness, developed intuition, constant companionship all increase the lessons we bring each other. Teaching does NOT begin at school age, nor after the so called terrible twos.... it's from the moment they are born. And both are learning.

    What you do when you nurse has far too great an importance and depth to be minimized by other's ignorance. Forget the outsiders and even the family judgements and focus on all you do for your child by nursing.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    113

    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    Gotta pass on some of my favorite responces!

    Responses to "Are you still nursing?"

    "No, I'm not, my mother lives too far away. Jacob is, though."

    "Of course! Nothing but the best for your grandson!" (or nephew or whatever)

    "Yes, isn't it amazing? I am so glad he's not in a hurry to grow up"

    "Yes, it's really been a life-saver, it is the only liquid he'll drink when he's not feeling well"

    "Absolutely, isn't love a wonderful thing?"

    "Yes!" (then hold up your hand expecting the other person to high-five you)

    "Right now? No, he's over there playing. I need him to do it"

    "I was never a nurse. I don't like needles! I'm an Accountant, remember?"

    "Yes, his doctor is so thrilled. So many moms give up due to pressures of friends and family" (hint hint)

    "Yes, and he's a real pro at it. I am so proud of him"

    "Everyone asks that, it must be because he's so incredibly healthy" (not really answering, but it gets the point across that you aren't planning on answering)

    "I get that question all the time. It is so great that people are looking out for him!" (again, not answering)
    "Yes, he deserves the very best. He's such a good baby."

    (for someone who continuously asks) "It is funny how people ask that, but then they don't really want to know"

    (for someone who continuously asks) "Of course, I am glad you keep asking. It shows you want the best for him"

    (and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "do you really want to know this time? You didn't seem satisfied with my answer last time."

    Responses to "When are you planning on weaning?"

    "I'm not. He'll wean me."

    "Before he graduates"

    "He hasn't told me yet."

    "I haven't asked him yet. He doesn't really make plans for the future at this point. He just does things day to day"

    "I don't know, I guess when my milk dries up" (confuse a person who has no clue about breastfeeding)

    "I hope not for a while. We're both enjoying our time together"

    "I don't know, when the puppies weaned, they were taken away from their mother. It doesn't seem like such a great thing to me"

    (sometimes they ask, "when will you start giving him cow's milk?") "Not sure, maybe if he starts thinking he is a calf"

    "What, and get my PMS back? are you crazy?"

    "I don't know. He seems to still enjoy it and I enjoy those extra 500 calories I burn"

    "It is so hard to plan anything with a baby. We're just doing things day to day."

    " We're in no rush, he has time to make up his own mind"

    "Thanks for asking. Everyone seems to need an answer for that except for me and my child."

    (and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "It depends, when are you planning on asking me again?"
    Lori )O(
    Extended nursing, home birthing, unschooling, Nursing Necklace making, WAHM to Konur 3-11-01 and Mali 6-16-04
    Leave Nursing Necklaces Feedback Here

  7. #7
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    These are great! I'm going to steal them shamelessly to pass on to my friends.

    --Rebecca

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    I love them! Going to print them out!

  9. #9
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    Quote Originally Posted by Momtoone
    They say they would take her more often but don't because she still nurses. I hate this pressure
    Yeah, that's not exactly a supportive attitude from your family. "We don't like your nursing a toddler, so we're going to punish you by not helping care for her until you wean her." Ugh!

    Many toddlers around your daughter's age hit a new phase where they may nurse frequently when Mom is around, but can easily go hours and hours without nursing when she isn't around. I don't know what her current patterns are like, but if you are at the point where you want to separate from her occasionally, you could probably do so pretty easily without compromising your milk supply or triggering other problems in your nursing relationship.

    When my DS was 14 or 15 months old, I started taking occasional overnight trips away from him -- sometimes for work, a couple times for a family emergency. I left him with my husband, and they did fine. I was actually very surprised at how well they did, as my son was still nursing frequently, especially at night. I pumped while I was away to prevent engorgement, but as DS was already drinking cow's milk, I didn't bother with trying to store my expressed breastmilk to save for him. When I returned from my trips, he always picked up nursing again without missing a beat.

    I'm not saying you SHOULD start leaving your 16mo with other family members -- that's an entirely personal decision for you to make. But I often find that people think a nursing toddler will wean if they separate for more than a few hours, and in my experience at least, this wasn't at all the case.

    So, could you suggest to your family members that if they want to keep your DD for a day or an overnight visit, you're open to the idea, and you think that your continued nursing relationship needn't pose an obstacle to that?

    --Rebecca

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    135

    Default Re: Anyone get pressure to wean?

    "Are you still nursing?"

    "No, I'm not, my mother lives too far away."
    Hahaha, good one!

    I find it disturbing that so many here report being pressurised or at least frowned at. It is nobody else's business! I don't breastfeed my toddler in company any more, but most people know she still nurses, as I am very outspoken about it. Nobody has yet dared to comment. I always point out that breastfeeding has helped Antonia to adapt to the situation with the new baby, and most people just nodd to that.

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