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Thread: How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    2

    Unhappy How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?

    Dear All Breastfeeding Mothers: -

    HELP! I need some advice! I have a 13 month old son who LOVES to breastfeed. He is a very spirited little boy, he has always co-slept with my husband and I, and as in most cases as co-sleeping babies, he nurses throughout the night.
    My dilemma is this: my husband has finally hit a point where he thinks I should wean my son, and that he should be gradually moved out of our bed into his own room. My son won’t sleep in the crib, he would sleep on a mattress on the floor. I would love to continue this ritual as would my son I’m sure. But you know how it is, society says this and that, and I really need to venture this forward and see it through as my marriage is starting to struggle.
    I am so grateful for the 13 months of breastfeeding with my son. But now my marriage is in dire need of this to end. I am needing some advice/enlightenment on how I can go about weaning my son off of me. How do human pacifiers put an end to this?
    My son never took a pacifier, and in the past when I have, he thinks it is a toy or laughs at me! He is so funny.
    Our bedtime routine is my laying down with him, and he plays around, then nurses himself to sleep. He may then get up anywhere from 3 – 8 times in one night!!! How am I going to do this? I have tried letting him cry it out twice, but it doesn’t work on him. He is so spirited, I won’t do it again.
    I am so sad and afraid to “confuse” my son, but I’m sure in the long run we will all benefit from this.
    Any replies and ideas are MUCH appreciated.

    Sincerely,
    A Mom Who Loves To Breastfeed

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    2,101

    Default Re: How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?

    What a tough situation! I'm glad you found this forum. I have 3 kiddos - aged 5, 3, and 18 months. I weaned #1 at 17 months, #2 at 14 months, and I'm still nursing #3. I weaned the first 2 in about 2 months time.

    If night weaning is necessary it's best to involve your dh as much as possible. If your little one can smell the milk on you he's unlikely to give up. There may be some crying involved, but crying in his daddy's arms is not the same as crying all by himself all night. On the occasions when my dh needs to put our lo to bed and i'm not home he will occassionally let him cry a few minutes in the crib just so our lo gets the message that it's either daddy or no one. If your dh is unable or unwilling to take on the responsiblity of night time parenting, (I don't mean that to sound judgemental; it's prefectably understandable for him not to be able to be awake all night and work the next day) a first step might be to move your lo out of the co-sleeping arrangement before weaning him. If you nurse him in a chair and then put him back in his crib he'll 1) likely start sleeping longer and 2) get use to sleeping in his crib. I think it's a good idea to start the night weaning process by getting the baby/toddler sleeping in their own bed/crib before I take away the nursing. Actually now that I think about it, even if dh is up for nighttime parenting you nursing your lo and then putting him in his crib might be a good place to start. Also dh will see that you are starting the weaning process and that might make him more willing to help out later. Rather than him perceiving that your dumping the job on him.

    Complete weaning will take a little while, in the mean time I think you should try to take actions to improve your marriage. Try to get some alone time with your dh - i know it's hard and i'm not good at doing it.

    Finally, maybe there will be room to compromise with your dh. It doesn't sound like you or your lo is ready to wean. Maybe if you can move your lo out of your bed and cut back on the night time feedings then dh will not have such a problem with continued nursing. Also he will see that you are reducing the amount of time nursing and he'll know that it will end someday.

    You should also show him some of the research on the benefits of continued nursing -- I'll rely on someone else to get you those links. While of course all children benefit from nursing, I think when the spirited child is still nursing the parents benefit from the extra tool in the arsenal.

    Good luck,
    Laura

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?

    dr sears has some good info on his web site about ending the all night nursing.
    At our house we play what we call musical beds.
    I nurse my 3 year old down in her bed and then join hubby later in our bed.
    I almost wrote his bed.. lol
    this works well for us. It cut down on her night nursing also. She slowly weaned down to just before bed.
    ITs hard to reason with a child that is only 13 months old. And he still has a great need to be near you!
    Anyways check out dr.sears web site.
    I don't have the link right now I'll post it later.
    good luck!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    2

    Default Re: How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?

    many thanks for your kind words of advice mommy's, i will sit down with dh and decide together what may work best for our family.....i think a lot of this has to do with consistency consistency consistency!!! that's the hard part!
    i love this site!!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    1,551

    Default Re: How do I put an end to being a human pacifier to my 13 month old?

    Hi mrsdubbs,
    Are you interested more in setting limits around nighttime nursing or weaning altogether? Nursing doesn't have to be all or nothing. Frequent night-nursing at 13 months doesn't mean that he'll always nurse a lot at night. Night-waking is highly variable and can often swing like a pendulum from sleeping longer stretches to frequent waking and back again, depending on things such as illness, changes in daytime routine, development of new skills (motor, social, verbal), etc.
    And as you said, there are lots of variations on sleeping arrangements. A crib in the room, crib in another room, mattress on the floor next to you, mattress in another room, etc. These changes in sleeping can also be approached in baby steps.
    Some good books that might help are How Weaning Happens and Mothering Your Nursing Toddler. And here are some more resources about weaning and nursing toddlers.
    HTH!
    Mary

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