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Thread: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    69

    Default Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    Talking with my DH last night he informed me that he thinks I should start the process of weaning our dd13 months. He is concerned about dependency issues and the fact that I am sometimes the only person that can calm her down.
    I have shown him the research refuting this but he does not necessarily believe it - he is pretty cynical sometimes.
    It is frustrating to me because I am not ready to wean her and she is not ready either. I did tell him that I will not wean her - that I truly believe she still needs it. She does nurse a lot right now and I can always give her comfort that no one else can and that frustrates him.
    Any suggestions? I really feel sad about this...I wish I had some more support on this! No one else in my family breastfeeds so I feel quite alone sometimes.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    What a tough situation. The only thing I have to offer as a mom to 3 children, only 1 of whom is currently nursing, is that very often I am still the only one who can calm them. There is something special about mommy even when nursing is gone. Just because you wean your little one doesn't mean that they will now not care if its you or daddy doing the comforting.

    Laura

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    1,064

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    There were a couple of previous threads about this. I recall there were a lot of interesting responses/ideas.

    http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?t=13030

    http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?t=7227

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    350

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    I agree with the previous post. My daughter was bottle fed but when she was sick or hurt, it was only mommy. Usually it had to be mommy to put her to bed too. Nursing isn't the only thing that makes them dependent on you for sure.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    111

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    It seems like it's always mommy no matter what lol! Do you think he is just a little jealous?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    1,433

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    Honey I can understand where you are coming from....Intially [sp?] I planned on bfing for 1 yr. But now I want to go longer, I love the relationship I have w/dd from it, but dh is almost counting down to the 1 yr mark [in may] well I won't say counting down exactly but like it's almost time, I have told him that if she wants to go longer then I am for it....So we shall see what happens when it gets here...
    Jenn SAHM and carseat to

    DD 5 years old , nursed till just shy of 3 yrs old



  7. #7
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    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    That is a tough one...

    I would also venture to say that maybe hubby is feeling a little "left out".
    Try to see if doing more little things with him (that isn't baby involved - if possible) changes his mind. He might just be worried he'll never get you back. If he knows both things can happen simultaneously, he may not focus on you weaning so much.

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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    69

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    Thank you for the links and all the kind words.
    Yes - I honestly do think he is jealous a little bit. But they really have a wonderful relationship! She loves reading with him and playing with him and snuggling and all that. I think it is that I am always able to calm her down when she is upset very quickly - even without breastfeeding and he is not always able to do that.
    Thank you for the links and the support here! I have been to a few of those sites and they do have great information.

    I think if I just keep on doing what I have been doing - breastfeeding her and showing DH that it is normal and important it will be ok. I would just like a little more support from him. My parents and brother are really supportive but some other family members do make comments. Honestly I kinda ignore the negative comments. Like I said - I am the ONLY mom who has breastfed their kids on my side of the family AND on DH's so it is certainly not the norm in my family circle.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    2,178

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    One more thing that might help your DH be more able to calm your DD down, is to make sure you're giving him plenty of time alone with DD.

    With my oldest son, I wanted to ALWAYS be there, and I felt guilty every time I left to go buy groceries alone. So for quite awhile, I was the only one who could calm DS down. It wasn't really related to the nursing, as he didn't really comfort nurse (I dealt alot with oversupply)...it was just that I was MOMMY...and I was with him 24/7 and a SAHM...it was natural that Daddy, who worked every day would be less able to get him to calm down.

    So while it was totally normal for him to be attached to mommie, I did make a big effort to give them alone time every week...and I got some mommie time...which was greatly needed. I knew that DS would have "issues" at some point after I'd been gone a couple of hours, and I let DH take care of it in his own way. He doesn't comfort DS the way I would as a Mommie, but I stayed out of it, and let them work out what worked for them best....and DS learned how to be comforted by daddy when I wasn't around.

    After that, we worked on DH sometimes comforting him at home when I was busy with something....If I knew he didn't need to nurse...again, I stayed out of it, and let DH handle it, which was really hard, because I knew I could've just picked up DS and he would've stopped crying, but I knew it was important for him to bond with Daddy to where he trusted Daddy to take care of whatever was wrong too.

    So anyway, it took a little while, but it was well worth it, as DS learned to trust Daddy completely.

    Now, with DS#2, I made sure that very early on, I let DH take over, and DS#2 didn't have the same issues as DS#1 did. That's not to say that both boys don't run to mommie first when the get hurt or don't feel good, but I'm not the only one that can comfort them, and that really strengthened their bond with their daddy.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    27

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 13 month old

    I'm in the same boat. DH did get more on board when I explained all the positive things that come out of extended breastfeeding. but that doesn't stop extended family members from putting in their 2 cents worth. My own mother, just recently when I was recovering from a plugged milk duct, (the first ever in 14 months) said that the plugged duct must be a sign that it's time to stop, after all I don't want DS swinging from my breast till he goes to college. I wasn't exactly planning on that. i expected better support from her. but that just shows how misinformed so many people are, even the ones that care the most for us.

    Stay strong and remember that whatever you decide, you are being the best mom to your LO.

    Hugs!

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