Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: DH and ds, need help (long)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    140

    Unhappy DH and ds, need help (long)

    Okay, up late and reading some of the earlier messages. Here is my issue, and it has been one from the start. DS (almost 7 months) really only wants to be with me. Works now okay because I quit my job when he was 4 months old and dh had been with him for the first 4 months after maternity leave was up. While I was working it was a whole different story. DS would cry most of the day (high-needs baby) to the point where DH would call me upset at work begging me to come home. we used EBM while dh was home with him but had trouble getting him to accept the bottles from dh. This is STILL an issue 3 months later and it has really gotten in the way of all of our relationships. DH has started to resent bfing because he thinks that it made ds too reliant on me, he won't take ds except to play and has completely given up on feeding him or being the source of comfort unless it is a "life or death" situation. To the point where I actually get anxious being out of the house because I worry that DH will be upset by the time I get home. He is admittedly not a very patient person but loves ds sooo much. How can I help them bond when both seem so unwilling??? Oh, this is the 2nd child for me (I also have a 7 yr old dd) but first for dh.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: DH and ds, need help (long)

    I empathize with you. My 5 month old has started to prefer me too. My husband also gets easily frustrated but more with himself for not knowing what to do or how to help than with the baby. This leaves me to do most of the comforting, putting down to sleep/naps, feeding (daughter is EBF) etc.
    I suggest that you interact as a threesome and get your son use to being close to your husband. My major suggestion is that you give your husband a lot of positive reinforcement when you see him interacting with your son. E.G. "oh you guys look so cute together!" "See how happy (your son's name) is right now?" etc. Don't go over board but little comments like that helps with husbands sometimes.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: DH and ds, need help (long)

    soon your baby will be ready to try some solid foods let hubby be in charge of that. . It does get better as baby gets bigger and can play. My hubby loves babies after they get about 1 1/2 and they can watch tv together. He says the infant time is for you and the toddler time is for me.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    119

    Default Re: DH and ds, need help (long)

    You definitely aren't alone. My DS is coming up on 3 months and only likes to play with DH. If he starts to cry or fuss, he'll only settle for me. My husband also is not the most patient and gets frustrated and stressed really easily if DS won't settle for him. I'm looking for suggestions too, because like you I'm nervous about leaving the house and leaving the two of them alone for fear I'll come home to a frantic child and an angry husband.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    181

    Default Re: DH and ds, need help (long)

    Yeah, I would say this is very common and probably the norm with breastfeeding moms. My dd does the same. When she's in a happy mood (not tired, changed, and a full belly ) I hand her off to dh so they can have some one on one time. But when she's fussy, she only wants me. She smiled and laughs at him when she's in my arms though! It makes dh feel badly more than anything because he WANTS to help me and give me a break but dd just won't have it! lol! My dd is 4.5 mos. old by the way.

    I truly think it will pass. I remember my daughter (who is now 10) was like that too, but once she got a little older (maybe around 1 or so), she became a "daddy's girl" and is to this day. Time really does fly!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    140

    Default Re: DH and ds, need help (long)

    Thanks guys. It is REALLY nice to know that this is normal. I will just gently work on getting them more and more time together. I am totally okay being the main source of comfort for ds, so I guess I should love it while I am still #1 in his eyes

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •