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Thread: Forced to travel w/out baby

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    30

    Default Forced to travel w/out baby

    I am scheduled to attend a company meeting in LA next week. In the past James(my 2yo) and DH travelled w/ me b/c it is soo much easier to have my nursing baby there than to pump all day night. This is the same company.
    I asked permission to bring Gavin(6 mo) this time(I pay dh air and food). My immediate supervisor said okay. Two weeks later his boss says "no". I asked if I could jsut get my own hotel room, but he said it's not about the money.
    Now i'm supposed to travel in 4 days and leave my baby and I am not prepared. I have no milk stored up and we don't do formula. I'm really upset b/c she has no reason other than "no".

  2. #2

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    That must be so hard, knowing you have to travel soon, without baby!

    You can start pumping now, to build a freezer supply for while you will be apart. Most mothers find the most success with pumping one side while baby nurses the other. You'll still make plenty for baby to nurse, and you'll get some in the fridge.

    While you are apart, you can ship overnight via FedEx or UPS. Freeze all the milk you can, then wrap it all in newspaper. Pack in a styrofoam-lined box with dry ice. You can ship overnight, dropping the package off usually around 7pm, then it can be delivered early the next morning to DH. The costs can add up, but many mothers have used this method.

    Before you leave for your trip, research the shipping method you will use, where you can buy dry ice, where you'll get the packaging, where to drop off the package for shipping, etc. The hotel might be able to help you with some of these details.

    You might also try reminding your boss that you've successfully traveled with baby before, and that your baby has never had formula, and introducing it now could cause medical problems that would mean you would be flying back to help take care of a sick infant. This is a worst-case scenario, I'm not trying to scare you, but giving you information to give to your boss.
    Shannon
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    16

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    If your husband and baby flew out and got their own room I don't see how your company could say he could not do this. They are not paying his way?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    Personally, I never had asked for permission.

    On my first work trip (for 2 weeks to AZ), I called the company's work/life help service. They recommended bringing dd along and did a daycare search for me (dh or my mom couldn't come out that time).

    Several other managers on that trip were upset I was even asked to go. I was new, so I sat around doing nothing most of the time. My manager had to formally apologize when I returned.

    My take is...
    They don't pay you after hours. If you are only paid to work from 8 to 5, they have no business telling you what you can do after hours (same as at home). If it's not costing them any more money or increasing their liability (dh driving your company rental car), I don't see how they have any right to tell you "no."

    The worst they ever tried to pull on me was to have me go for 2 weeks in Nov (with a 3 month old), then 2 weeks in Jan and 2 weeks in Feb. Luckily the first trip was cancelled. Then I told my manager I could only go on 2 weeks total (1 wk with dh and 1 wk with my mom). I was going to refuse the Nov trip or ask to take another few weeks of FMLA if necessary.

    Also: Try getting a doctor's note stating it would be harmful for the baby (and possibly yourself) to not be able to feed your child for that period of time.
    Last edited by smirlynwittles; January 16th, 2006 at 05:31 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    26

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    Perhaps you might give your boss some information about the dangers to your health from plugged ducts and mastitis that can lead to abscess if your breasts are not drained regularly.
    You would need time to pump while away as often as you nurse your baby to prevent these problems: so not taking your baby would not save you any time.
    I hope he can appreciate the health implications if not the psychological implications in leaving your baby.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    30

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    I told him that it is not possible for me to prepare with the short notice. I had already given him all the medical risks/benefits. He said I can opt out and there will be no repurcussions~I sent deatiled info to HR just to cover everything, though.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    26

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    Good to hear that you aren't being forced into taking this trip away from your baby!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    I'm happy to hear you can opt out. It is a good idea to still file the scenario with HR, just in case.

    I had to call HR eventually because I had a "gift" anonomously show up at my desk. The Newsweek with the cover article: "The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Why it Drives Real Women Crazy."

    I hope your situation ends with this one trip. Keep fighting to maintain your family life!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    863

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    That sounds rough! I'm glad to read you were able to opt out though because otherwise I would call discrimination!!! I'm glad you were able to put your darling first.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    5

    Default Re: Forced to travel w/out baby

    I understand your frustration. I have a similar circumstance in that I have to leave for 4 days in a week and a half without my 5 month old who is exclusively nursed. He took an occasional bottle of expressed milk before he turned 4 months. Once he hit 4 months, he refused the bottle. My husband and I have to reacquaint him with the bottle this weekend before I start back to work next week. My biggest concern is his need to suck. He doesn't take a pacifier so nurses quite a bit (especially in the evening) to sooth himself. I nursed my daughter exclusively for a year while working fulltime as well but don't recall these problems. Anyway, I've been pumping for over a week and will also ship milk home but if anyone has any suggestions regarding the bottle problem, please share your wisdom. Thank you!

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