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Thread: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Angry Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    Maybe this is just me venting - but any support would be appreciated.

    DD is 5 months old - and i am still exclusively breastfeeding her. We don;t plan to introduce solids until she is ready (as we read on this site). We co-sleep with her, and we kind of rotate through 2 beds (either hubby or i sleep with her in one bed while the other sometimes sleeps in another bed - simply for comfort). I nurse her laying down in bed most nights - and it works great. When she was a newborn she would take a bottle as well - to give me some sleep - but hasn't taken one since November - and now won't - which is fine as I am home with her anyway. If we get a sitter we do it in the AM when she can go a few hours without eating.

    *sigh*

    Now all this is great - and hubby and i are happy with everything.... but then enter family and friends. I swear if I hear one more person tell me how i am not doing the right thing I will scream. I have family members (lile my mom and dad) telling me to give her solid food because "she wants it" and people tleling me i am spoiling her by co-sleeping and especially by nursing her in bed because "She needs to learn to go to sleep without nursing." And then there's the decision to be nursing for at least a year - and then her not taking a bottle because "IF she's hungry enough she'll take a bottle." or "She needs to take a bottle - you can;t just always nurse her."

    And I know I am doing the right thing - but good lord i am so tired of defending it. I am tired of people telling me what I should be doing, and how to do it. We talk to a local LLL leader, Molly, who is fabulous. I was ready to give up nursing at 2 weeks - and Molly is the reason I didn't. She helped us with latching and things. I am so committed to nursing DD, and hubby is as committed - but man it is hard when every way you turn people are telling you that you're not doing right.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

  2. #2
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    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    Don't worry about other people's opinions...that's all I'll say in the way of advice.

    As far as support, you know you're doing the right thing for your baby, which is the most important thing. Enjoy her while she's still small. My DD is now almost 10 months and I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. I think I'll be a wreck at her birthday party in a couple of months, thinking how fast my little baby has grown!

    On the subject of the bottle, my DD did the same thing around 5 months when I went back to work. After a few days with the regular sitter, she started taking bottles for her. But the sitter had to keep offering them, she didn't even act hungry. So if you really want to go out, leave a bottle and leave the rest up to the sitter & baby. They'll figure it out, or the baby will probably be more than happy to wait for you and the "real thing!"

  3. #3
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    Hey, come on over to the Dealing with Criticism board -- you'll find TONS of threads and many moms who have honed to a fine art their responses to these kinds of "helpful" and "well-meant" suggestions.

    In the meantime, let me say congratulations on your healthy and happy breastfeeding relationship with your daughter! She is one lucky baby.

    --Rebecca

  4. #4
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    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    Good Job on sticking with it. We also co- sleep and my dh aunt said that it's a bad idea and we'll be sorry we ever did it. I didn't say anything to her but when I got home I let dh know how I felt about that comment. You know I see more clingy children that didn't get the attention and needs met when they were infants around. I wonder how they would be if they had co-sept and bf and never cio. Probably independent little ones that always know mommy and daddy are always there for them.

  5. #5
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    About the solids - just ask the pedi when to start solids and repeat the pedi's advice to anyone who asks. I think it's really about digestive system maturity, isn't it? My mother keeps saying that I'll probably want to start solids early because Pip is so big and I just keep telling her that the pedi says not to start until 6 months.

    About the co-sleeping - I can't answer because it makes me nervous. I love to cuddle up with my baby and I would love him to sleep with us at least some of the time, but I'm so afraid of SIDS and I can't figure out how to do it safely. And since the AAP recommends against sharing the bed, I guess you can't use expert advice to shut up the criticism. I guess you just have to tell people to butt out. This is your child and these are the decisions you made. Or, thank them for their advice or say "that's an idea" and keep on doing what you're doing.

    People love to give unsolicited advice. I think that to a certain extext we just have to put up with it.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    Quote Originally Posted by pipsmom

    People love to give unsolicited advice. I think that to a certain extext we just have to put up with it.
    Exactly and that's what is frustrating..lol

    You know, dd has literally half a king size bed to herself - so it's not co-sleeping in the traditional sence. We have tempurpedic beds, and actually it's not a fluffy mushy bed, so the SIDS is less I believe.

    My ped said to introduce solids at 4 months - so she's no help there. I just site the LLL website and tell them it would be a huge liability if they were just running their mouths without medical back up. People usually stop after that.

  7. #7
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    Sounds so familiar what you are going through, the only thing is they just ask and make a face. LOL. The funny thing is I am just waiting for a comment because I have a reply and that is "I gave birth to him so BUT OUT!"

    Don't listen to what they say. I do the samething with my ds and I am loving every moment of it and the best part of it is that I know my ds is loving it too. This does not last forever so just figure out a way to not let it get to you. You are not doing ANYTHING wrong!

    My ped advised the samething to start solids at 4 mo, which I don't seem to understand knowing that he is bf. My lil one will start solids when he is ready. I've just gotten to the point that I don't pay attention to the ped, all that matters to me is that my ds is growing and healthy. This site just makes me more confident about the way I am taking care of my bb.

  8. #8
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    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    You know, I take a certain satisfaction in letting people know how wrong they are when they give unsolicited advice, lol. I always fire back with facts -- "The WHO and Unicef both recommend nursing for at least 2 years!" It usually stops them right in their tracks. And I get a little childish "neener neener ha ha" factor LOL.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    I hear you! It is so frustrating to deal with the criticism! At some point, you just need to lay down the law: "This is what we've chosen to do because we feel it is best. You've made your opinion known. This topic is no longer up for discussion." Repeat as necessary. Don't get into you reasons or let them rope you into an argument.

    The longer you parent, the more confident you become, and the easier it is to deal with these things. When ds1 was 3 weeks old, my MIL called him "spoiled" and I was so furious! Just the other day, MIL said my 2-day-old ds2 was already spoiled, and it just made me laugh. We've disproven all her dire predictions about how ds1 would turn out (clingy, too dependent, etc.), but she still can't give up this notion that a baby who gets picked up all the time is spoiled!

    Hang in there!

  10. #10
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    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: Ugghhh I am so frustrated...

    the 1st baby is always the hardest!
    Do you go to lll meetings? They are a great place to meet like minded mommys! You also over time figure out who is supportive and who is not.
    You just cann't tell some people that you co-sleep or nurse a 2 year old with out getting the speech. So don't share with them. And doctors give some of the most nutty parenting speeches out there. Its comforting to know that every body questions their parenting at some time or anther,its just human nature.
    you just learn from your mistakes and move on.rr
    Last edited by andrea_ohio; March 20th, 2006 at 10:28 AM.

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