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Thread: Need Support Badly!!!

  1. #1
    jaamommy is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
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    Default Need Support Badly!!!

    I really need some encouragement, I feel like I am about to go crazy my lo is almost 5 wks now and I know all about this already from my 1st lo but I guess I have forgotten how stressful and difficult bfing really is especially when you have an almost 3yr old to tend to also. I think I have cried everyday, I know the cluster feedings will come but it just seems like she has been cluster feeding forever.She hardly ever lets me lay her down any where and I'm trying the babywearing but my back has been giving me problems with that sometimes I can't even take a shower every time I try to put her down to take one she starts to cry, and I just can't let her lay there and cry like that. My dh has been busy with work,school,and hunting so he hasn't been able to be here that much and my mom seems to think that I should be the one to pack up and come to her house, she's only been here twice since we've been home and both times my dh was home and she only stayed for like an hour.

    I feel so alone, I think that is the worst feeling in the world. Please tell me that it will get better I feel like I can't even parent my toddler he just pretty much runs around the house all day playing by his self it makes me feel so guilty. How in the world do you get through this bfing and taking care of another lo as well. I bf my 1st lo for 15 months so you would think that I would be a pro at this, but before I didn't have another lo to tend to so I was able to sleep when he slept and just pretty much bf and rest allday but that's just not the case now.

    Thankyou for taking the time to read my cry for support

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    Wow...it sounds like you really have a lot on your plate!

    I can see how you would feel the way you do. Have you found a LLL near you? I made several great friends at my local LLL and all of them had multiple children and when my LO came along (almost 6 weeks ago) they stopped by to help me with my older one (4 years old). Maybe your mom can take your older child for a few hours a few days a week.

    Other than that, I would say to just take a deep breath. I know it seems over-whelming now, but this is such a short period of time. Is your older child willing to play with the baby? I know when I'm having a rough time with trying to attend to both children (who need very different things), it helps to get my daughter to play with me and the baby. It doesn't last for long, but it definitely helps keep things calm for a few minutes.

    I would definitely suggest you contact your local LLL group and start going. You can take both kids and you'll meet some wonderful women who can really help you through this transition.

    Here's a .

    --Angel

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    So sorry Mama.
    I mean have you told your DH how you feel. HUNTING???? Really. That is a hobby, right? Tell him maybe instead of hunting he could take the 3 y/o to Chuck E Cheese or something.

    I have an almost 8 y/o and when I had those long bf times in the beginning, I would play a game, draw, read with him while I nursed. Try to keep some sippies, or juice boxes where he get them and some snacks in baggies close at hand. And maybe a movie in the dvd player, or some cars in a basket right next to you. Even if you aren't actually playing with the cars, you can say, drive that car over to Mc Donalds and take that one to the Movies, so on and so forth. Mostly kids just want you there even if you aren't actually playing. I know it's hard, but it will get better.

    So sorry you feel alone. That is rough. We were far from family until my DD was 3 or 4 months old and it was hard. My DH also works a lot. So I totally understand where you are coming from. Talk with DH and try to set aside a couple hours on the weekend just for you. It's doable. Remember it's his baby too.

    Mama. We are here to be a listening ear so come to us anytime.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    Wish you live close by!!! I am in need of company!!! My family are all within 30 minutes away but everyone works... I am still not used to this SAHM thing! I love it but also miss being out and working with grown up! Makes me think about my own boys and what will I do with 2 when they get older and can talk and need to be moving all day long!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    hi there; so sorry you are feeling this way now

    I have just recently been through the same sort of thing!!! My LO is five months old now and it feels like thousand years ago. :

    I had the same problem I was alone with the two kids a lot - my older is 2 years and she was very jealous at first and would often try and hit the LO or do really dangerous things while i was feeding.

    Contact your local LLL or phone a friend; take a walk or a drive.
    I would put the LO in pouch and push older one in a pram and clear my head a bit. Get out of the house - chat to someone!

    One horrible Sunday morning DH went to work at 6am and I ended up taking the kids for a walk down the road; half way LO started howling.....well I ended up walking down the road talking with toddler between tears and breastfeeding baby at the same time....of course when you are sleeping for about 15 seconds in a 24 hour period it makes it even worse.

    Try and get some help for a few hours a day because it is too much too be alone with the two kids all day long.
    I started to dread it and actually had a few panic attacks until I started being more honest and just making sure that I had support and assistance from DH, MIL & FIL and any friend I could russel up.
    It is SO MUCH better now and we have fun when we are alone - but in those early weeks!!!! - I would say get as much support as you can - let people know how you feel.

    It doesn't make you a bad MOM if you can't do everything alone; if getting more support is better for you then it is better for your kids!!!!

    P.S It is tough to do the breastfeeding with two and very different from the first! At the start you just want to give up. But now that the dust has settled with us I am so glad I stuck it out, as it has made things easier now.


  6. #6
    jaamommy is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    Thankyou all so much for your replies it has made me feel so much better to know that I'm not the only one who is going and has gone through this. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this forum to lean on. I wish to that alot of you lived close by, so that I could actually talk to a face instead of a keypad and screen all the time but you know it's better than nothing at all.

    With my 1st lo I never went to any LLL meetings, I really didn't know anything about it. I looked last night to find a local LLL group near my area and there is one that meets up once a month. I'm really considering on going if all goes well. Right now I've got lo wraped to me with my DIY wrap, it would be nice if I could take a shower with her wraped to me . I know things will get better with time and I'm just waiting on that time to pass.

    And again I thank you all soooooo very much for being a cyber shoulder to cry on

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    Definitely go to the LLL meeting! I have learned so much from being around other moms and their babies. Our group has a playgroup, too, which has been great, too. I've been going to meetings for a year now and learn at least one new/helpful thing at each meeting.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    and you don't have to wait for the meeting... call the leader up and talk with her. Sometimes groups meet inbetween or have other activites going on other then the series meetings.
    You'll meet some great gals at lll meetings.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    Gosh, I know how you feel! It's HARD trying to take care of a new baby and all that entails with a toddler running around and also needing care.

    I too felt pretty bad at one point during the first month that DS #1 basically runs around playing on his own. I felt like I often told him "Later, Mommy is feeding the baby right now." Just makes you feel bad, doesn't it, that the older one can't have 100% of your attention, and the baby doesn't get all the attention either. But I finally just reminded myself that this is a stage and it will pass! Cluster feeding doesn't last forever. Keeping some toys nearby and talking with DS #1 as he plays really seemed to help, and he likes to "help" while the baby is nursing. We also started watching a lot of movies -- I don't like it, but it keeps me sane. I am super careful about which ones we watch, and DS #1 doesn't watch the whole movie anyway.

    Finding a LLL group and going is really helpful -- I look forward to my meetings. It's a chance for the toddler to play with the other kids, and then you can sit and talk to other moms.

    And you need to get your DH to help you more. It's not right that you can't get a shower every day. I have my DH take the kids at night so I can at least wash my hair! I don't have any ideas about how to get your mom to help more, other than tell her -- I know I basically had to tell my mom what I WANTED her to do when she was here at Colton's birth.

    Hang in there!
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Default Re: Need Support Badly!!!

    Hang in there!! I don't get much of a chance to reply to the posts here because my LO demands I hold her constantly. She has actually settled down for a long nap today...first in a long time!! I keep going and check her breathing it is so unlike her!

    I currently have a 17 month old in addition to my 8 week old, so I can completely relate. I have older kids who can help, but I was in your place 7 years ago when I had a 2 year old and a newborn. The local Mommy Group at that time (2000) was a God Send. I met a wonderful Mommy in that group in 1998 with my first son, and she became a good friend I could lean on and trust. Her baby was older than mine so she had the energy and time to donate to me and my kids. Perhaps you could meet someone at your local LLL. I plan to start going to our meetings next month! I just want to get out of the house, which I dread doing with a toddler and a newborn, but at least this will put me in a place where Mom's will sympathize and understand!

    My Mom has always been there to take care of my kids. She is only 5 minutes away, but her health has quickly deteriorated in the last 8 months due to arthritis, so I do not have the help at this time either. I am reluctant to place my toddler in daycare for some reason. I think partly because I feel like I am failing as a Mom if I don't keep him and partly because I just don't trust many people. I do have a friend who does in home daycare and she is helping me out this week as the baby and I work on some marathon nursing. She is getting my undivided attention and it is the greatest thing!!! Here I am, getting a break because I let her nurse as long as she wanted too! I didn't stop her to check on a toddler!

    Good Luck and Hang in there! Get out there and meet others who have been in your place. And DH really has to give up his hobby at least for a little while. I am lucky, DH here is great about taking over with the older kids as soon as he gets home and Hannah gets me around the clock again to nurse.

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