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Thread: Hard time going back to work

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    14

    Unhappy Hard time going back to work

    Hi anyone who can related to this: I am a Christian mom who would love nothing more than to stay at home with my new dd. Unfortunately, financially right now we just can't swing it....

    I need some moral support - I go back next Monday and I'm having a rough time coping. I found a GREAT in home care right close to our house which helps, but I can't imagine leaving her EVERY day with someone other than me to be with her.

    Any ideas or suggestions on how you coped with a similar situation? How did you get through it? How long did it take before you weren't depressed about it?

    Sincerely, Much in need of encouragement

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    31

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    Hi, I can relate to how tough it is to leave your dc to go back to work - I just had to do it again when my youngest was 3 months old. What has helped me is to have some support at work - there is a bunch of us with young children so we are there to support each other when we're having a hard time missing our little ones - the support of others being in your shoes can really make a difference. Other things I do ... I call my babysitter usually mid day to see how the kids are doing, its nice to be able to actually talk to the older ones and my office is covered with pictures of my sweet three children I've also read ideas of giving your sitter a disposable camera to use at times so then you can kind of see what your baby is up to during the day. Having your baby in good hands does relieve some of the stress - but I know how it feels to wish you were the one that is always there ...
    When you are home just enjoy the time with your baby, don't worry if other stuff like all the housework gets done in a timely fashion, kids grow up too quick - my oldest just started kindergarten in the fall and I cannot believe how quickly she has grown...
    Feel free to message me if you could use more support
    ~Pam , mommy to Lauren ( 5 1/2 yrs ), Matthew ( almost 3 yrs ! ) and Emma ( 5 months )

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    14

    Red face Re: Hard time going back to work

    Thank you soooo much for your reply! I go back day after tomorrow and I needed this :-) I'm very lucky to also have a great support system at work. I love the camera idea too! I'll keep you posted.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    31

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    Hope you had a good first day back

  5. #5

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    I'm sorry I'm running a little late replying to you - we've been battling the flu over here at my house!

    The first day back is always hard. Some mothers call their provider several times a dasy the first few weeks, others cry everytime they call, so they don't call at all during the day. Either way is ok.

    Take pictures of your baby with you to work. Maybe even a baby blanket. I even know one mother who took one of her baby's diapers to work with her, since she loved the smell of his diapers, and it helped her to let down while she was pumping. For the record, it was a *clean* diaper!!

    Enjoy the time that you do get to spend with your little one - lunch breaks, evenings, and weekends become so precious to you.

    Ask your provider to take lots of pictures, maybe even give them a disposable camera, or ask them to upload digital pictures to you so you can see them often.

    Do you use a computer at work? Maybe put a picture of your baby as background on your desktop, or set up your screensaver to be a slideshow of pictures.

    Please let us know how today went, and post any questions!
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    I understand so completely. I'm in a strange sort of situation. I'm the working mother, DH is the stay at home Dad. Although I would sell a right arm to be with my baby at every moment of the day, I don't have the choice due to some unavoidable obligations. Luckily, DH is willing to stay home with DS. But every day I deal with such guilt and such an empty void in my stomach. To me it doesn't seem right that I'm not with my baby. And even though I would feel this way about every caregiver, my DH just doesn't have the maternal instinct and I worry that my DS is not getting enough nurturing. But for others in the situation, here are some things that I do to make it a lot easier. They have definitely helped me a lot.

    Pictures!! DH will take digital pics throughout the day and send them to me so I can see how DS is doing.

    Journal! During my off time, I keep a journal (an extension from my pregnancy journal) where I write to my DS and vent my thoughts to him to make up for the time I can't spend with him.

    And I always take extra time in the morning and night, with just me and baby so we can talk. Going to work after that precious moment with your son, it may be hard to do but it will make your day all that much brighter having that time with him.

    Good luck to all of you. It's going to be hard, but I know that my DS understands and he is proud of his mommy. Yours will be too!!

    And most importantly.......for the first couple of months, I just knew my baby wouldn't know that I am his mommy. I was wrong, so wrong....your baby knows you, he loves you, he misses you. DOn't forget that!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    74

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    Hi naninman. I know exactly how you feel. I went back to work when my dd turned 2 months old. I'm glad I saw this post because it also gave me some encouragement too. I was lucky enought to have a dependable friend babysit for us. She only watched my dd plus had a 9 year old of her own. I still miss her all the time, but the fact that she was with someone that I knew and trusted made it much easier to go back to work. However, last night I was informed that our babysitter wanted to stop babysitting for good to take care of her sick grandmother. I was very upset. I just couldn't imaging leaving my dd with anyone that I didn't know. And we had until Monday to find another sitter. I called my mom in distress and she said she would ask around at church that night to see if anyone knew a babysitter. Come to find out one of the women that go to our church just quit her job to be a stay at home mom. She decided to do that because she has had 3 babysitters quit on her in the last few years and she was tired of it. And her husband just got a paycut so she needed a little extra cash. It was like it was ment to be. Just when my mom talked to her over the phone, she was getting an add ready to put in the paper to offer babysitting services to one child. I think God was watching over both of our families. I am still very nervous about leaving her with someone I don't know. Last night I tried everything I could to find a way for me to stay home, but it just wasn't possible financially. Anyways, the fact that you found a good daycare will make the world of a difference. It took me about a week before I finally accepted the fact that I was going to have to get used to this. But I knew that she was well taken care of...and that made the world of a difference. But I agree that spending as much time as you can after work/mornings and weekends really helps. My family gets dissapointed because I never give them a chance to babysit, so I have to just visit with them more. But by the time the weekend rolls around I never feel like giving her up. Sorry to ramble. Hang in there! It will get easier.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    It's hard, but it does get a little bit easier! I went back to work after 9 weeks of leave with my ds and after 6 weeks of leave with my dd. I found it was much harder the second time I had to go back to work--I had spent an enjoyable 6 weeks at home with both of my babies and it hurt to have to leave them.
    having good day care helped the transition. my mil stays home with them both and gives them the same amount (almost) of love and attention that I do and is as in love with each of them as I am.
    I have pictures everywhere in my office and on days I can take off and on weekends, we rarely get out of our PJs. I spend time playing, reading, snuggling and napping with them. I co-sleep with them and really don't mind waking up for night nursing with my dd who is 7.5 mos old. this is my special time with them.
    As much as I miss them during the day, I love the way their faces light up when I pick them up at night. And, being able to call to check in on them during the day helps too.
    you'll get through this and maybe as time passes, you might find an opportunity to stay home.
    let us know how you're doing!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    24

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    I too had to go back to work after 9 weeks of leave. We can't afford for me to quit right now, but we are trying to make that happen by the time our 2nd child comes a long. Hopefully, in about 3 years. Anyway, my dd is 8 months old and I still get depressed about leaving her. Especially, when I am stressed bc of work or something that happend with her care while I was away. We leave her with my mil who was a sahm for her children. I trust her and know she will make the right choices when I am not around. My husband is able to go there for lunch, which also makes me feel better. I have tons of her pictures around my desk. I get her ready in the morning and play with her at night before bed. Weekends are so much more important to me now. I also accept the opportunity to spend and extra day with her, when I am home sick or my mil needs the day off. My daughter comes before my job. Even though I need the money, I am willing to risk it to be there for my daughter. I can always replace a job...

    I don't know what kind of work you do, but I also have the ability to work from home on occassion. Such as bad weather or if my dd gets sick. I enjoy the opportunity to be there for her when she is not well instead of dropping her off at my mil's. Luckily, that has only been once.

    It does get easier to cope with, but I still get upset over it bc it is still something I want to do. I cried the entire first week everyday at work. People couldn't even look at me without me breaking down. It got easier with each day. It is possible. Although, I would love to stay home and care for her myself. I know that both my husband and I holding jobs will (and is) providing a good, safe life for her.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Hard time going back to work

    I had put my DD in daycare when she was 10 weeks old. Fortunately for me, the daycare was 5 minutes from my work and was onsite for DH. The first few weeks, I would call whenever I felt like and drop in on my lunch break to nurse her. This helped me tremendously with the separation. I also made sure to have tons of picture all over my cubicle so that I am constantly reminded of her. After a month or so, I started feeling more at ease and everything fell into a nice routine.

    Just take it a day at a time and try not to worry too much. If deep down you feel the need to check up on your baby, then go ahead and call to ask for what your baby is doing. Or if it is possible for you to stop by during your break, do so to ease your worries.

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