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Thread: help with breastfeeding

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1

    Question help with breastfeeding

    I am a young mother of a beautiful 5-month-old baby girl. I had started out breastfeeding and had tons of support from my mother and sister-in-law. Then my husband's stepfather died, and he offered to let his mother live with us to help with her severe loneliness and depression. She fed her three children formula, and so did her two daughters. His step-sisters formula-fed as well as a few cousins. Breastfeeding itself was hard enough, but if I tried it in front of them, or even left the room and came back again, there would be an awkward silence that would almost bring me to tears. My husband also supported formula-feeding and in the end I became so frustrated I gave up.

    I found out recently that I am pregnant again, and I desperately want to breastfeed, but I have absolutely no support. His mother has been the most blunt about it, already telling me that she thinks breastfeeding old-fashioned and unneccessary. She just can't fathom why someone would tie themselves down to their baby when formula is so easy. I've explained numerous times how beneficial it is, but they still don't see my point of view. We live surrounded by his family, while the closest family member of mine is 50 miles away. There's always someone from his side of the family over here, and with formula being the normal way to feed their babies, I feel different and unaccepted by everyone who is around me on a day-to-day basis. What can I possibly do???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: help with breastfeeding

    do you have a local lll group?
    That might help, just having some real life friends that breastfeed.
    I would have a heart to heart talk with hubby also and tell him how improtant that breastfeeding is to you this time around and that you need his support.
    Then tell your mil to take a flip. I used the "You raised your kids the way that you saw fit and that's what I am going to do with mine, the subject is closed!"
    That worked with my mil and her formula junk...
    It's sad that you feal like you will not be comfortable in your own home?
    does this spill over into other areas besides breastfeeding?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    343

    Default Re: help with breastfeeding

    i know how it feels to be far from your family....
    though my inlaws are not that strongly against me as yours, it's still hard. i think finding a lll group is a great idea plus spend time w/friends who WILL suppt/encourage you.
    breastfeeding is so much easier than formula, as far as being "tied down"! youre a portable baby feeding center, no electricity or plumbing needed!
    be stubborn for what's best for the baby. its your house and your child. you can do it! try to ignore them not supporting you... obviously they dont understand how great bmilk is!
    and come to the forums if you get lonely/ready to quit and noone's around... plenty of suppt here!
    Stefanie, momma to

    deacon james 09.22.06

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    562

    Default Re: help with breastfeeding

    Are you healthcare providers supportive of breastfeeding? (They certainly should be! And most will at least "talk the talk" nowadays.)

    If you think your MIL would be more receptive to information coming from a doctor, then you might consider taking her along to a prenatal appt with your doctor or an interview with the doctor you will use for your new baby. If you give that doctor a heads-up beforehand that your MIL needs to be brought on board with your plans to breastfeed, s/he might be willing to discuss the benefits of breastfeeding with your MIL.

    You could also bring your MIL to a LLL meeting, although I would recommend that you visit along first and discuss it with the Leader there so they won't be blindsided by a possibly critical or hostile response from your MIL.

    It can be really hard to keep going with breastfeeding when you are surrounded by criticism and not supported. You breastfed your first baby successfully for several months, and that is quite a feather in your cap! With the right mindset and hopefully more cooperation and protection from your husband, I'm sure you can successfully breastfeed for as long as you want to despite the situation with your MIL or other family members. Just seek out support and encouragement elsewhere -- we all need it!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    470

    Default Re: help with breastfeeding

    I am sorry you feel trapped in your own house and helpless and unsupported against the opinions of others.

    Like the previous posters, I agree that you have the right and the authority as a parent to decide what is best for your child. Have a talk with your husband and explain to him logically why breastmilk is best. I believe it's important that he stands by you on this, so it may be worth the while to "educate" him in an unemotional and objective way.

    Here is an article that you may print out and let your husband read. Maybe leave copies of it lying around at home where your mil can read it!!!
    http://www.breastfeedingmadesimple.com/BFbenefits.pdf

    Hope you gain grounds soon.
    Caylen Koen Chew (25/05/06)
    Lost No.2 in Aug 2008 ... Lost No. 3 in May 2009 Hoping for another ... Enjoying No.1



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,712

    Default Re: help with breastfeeding

    Wow. I am so sorry you don't have support and it's so wonderful that you were able to provide your baby with breastmilk for 5 months. I am proud that you are seeking out help and support before the baby is born. It will take a lot of determination and standing up for what you believe in. You really need to arm yourself with facts, possibly even printed out from reputable orginizations such as the American Academy of Pediatrics. Try to get your husband on your side and then it won't matter about his family. These forums are a great place for support and information. Also like the prior post said, a local La Leche League meeting would be great support as well. Congratulations on the pregnancy and for your decision to breastfeed. We are here for you if you need continuing support.

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