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Thread: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Unhappy Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    I have been reading most of the topics in this forum and found it very encouraging for me I am a mom of two and with my first daughter I had no clue about anything and so I had a very hard time but I was pretty gung ho about bf and so I pumped for my baby for 5 months and supplemented formula. Also I just had a baby about 6 months ago and she is well established in bf with lots of encouragement and help from friends and also plenty of study time I made it through those first 2 weeks ....

    Well now I have a friend who just had a baby boy he is about 6 or 7 days old and he was born 5 weeks early at 5lbs 1 oz. They have tried everything in the hospital to help her breastfeed but they also said and gave her the option to give him a bottle to help with his weight gain and also told her she could have atleast one last good night sleep in the hopital and they would just feed her baby a bottle in the nursery ... Also since he wouldnt stay awake to bf or bottle feed (they tried everything) they asked her to keep him in the hopital about 2 more extra days and then asked her to come in the morning about 9 to try and bf...
    Well after 4 days he got to go home and I let her try to use my pump since he wont latch on to her breast I feel that he is just not wanting the breast because it is hard and the bottle is easier. Everyone keeps stressing to her to feed him every 2 to 3 hours and even if he doesnt latch on to her breast give him a bottle! Problem is the pump isnt getting any milk out and she still has to give him a bottle so she force feeds him and he still dont want to wake up. She also lacks the dicipline as a new mom she is very scared to hurt him or make him cry and she also was told that if he didnt get breast milk he would get sick because he is a premi. Then she took him to a doctor who told her he has to eat 24 oz in 24 hours and that she has to pump every 2 hours that he is loosing weight and now weighs somewhere in 4 pounds. They told her to get a lactation consultant but while she was in the hopital one came in everyday to help and it still didnt work also she was told that to get a LLL to come to her house would cost about 100 dollars ... so that makes it even worse. I have tried to help her
    She came over to my house and he took the bottle fine he had about 4 oz in 5 hours which to me was wonderful being that she had only fed him one bottle from the time of about midnight to 3 pm the next day she really has no clue how to take care of him. I feel bad for her and the baby but I can only do so much. I have been encouraging her and trying to help her but this past conversation I just had to tell her to trust her mother instincts ... pray and ask God to help her establish some weight in him before tomorrow cause the doctors want to see him again, 2 days later.
    It isnt working, she is a new mom and very nervous and scared for her little baby and all the doctors and nurses and consultants have been giving her different advise. My question is, is he going to have serious problem if she only feeds him formula and just stops bf! Also I dont think she has the mentality to stay unstressed while trying to get her baby to gain weight she is worried they will want to put him back in the hopital ( that may be the best thing for her) Although I do think that he can take the bottle just fine she dont think so. I think that for her case I really want to just encourage her to give him the bottle and not worry so much about bf him so she can just focus on him and her bonding and getting his weight gain up so they dont put him back in the hospital.
    As a friend I even offered to nurse him she thinks thats a little weired. I told her wet nurse.... ???

    Anyway if anyone has any feedback on how I can encourage her and if encouraging her to just relax and give him formula is terrible?

    Thanks so much.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    Wow! How I feel for this friend- and how wonderful of you to be willing to help her.

    The baby does need to eat. If it doesn't eat it will just continue to lose weight and will be even more sleepy. As mean as it sounds, she does need to wake the baby up to eat- which you already know. I am very surprised that they let the baby go home losing weight and not eating well. Usually babies in the NICU have to be eating and maintaining weight before they can go home.

    She definately needs some professional help- either a really good lactation consultant or LLL leader will probably be the best bets. I've never heard of LLL charging for an in-home consult, but I've never had one so I don't know. Just reassure her that the more she can feed her baby the better off it will be. And she needs to continue to pump if she has to give the baby a bottle to get anything in it. She could also try a nipple shield and see if the baby will latch on better to her that way. Remind her that she may not get much by the pump at first. The baby's tummy is so small right now that it just doesn't need much in volume, so even if she only pumps an ounce or so per breast that's still okay.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    My twins were 6 weeks early and had similar problems as your friend does.

    We had to use bottles, because they were losing too much weight. So, I pumped, and gave them EBM with some fortifier..Could that be an option for her? It adds extra calories to the EBM. If I didn't have enough EBM, I had to give them Preemie formula. I had to feed them every 3 hours (that is, at the MOST they could go without food was 3 hours)

    It was very hard to keep them awake. I had to tip up the nipple to the roof of their mouth to get them to stay awake.

    In addition, we had a "practice" BF'ing session once every day. It took us about 6 weeks for them to be soley BF'ed.

    Is there a way that she could go to a LLL meeting? I've had a phone consult with an LC and it was free.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed! Update!!!

    Oh my I was sooooo happy Wed. night she was having problems and I went to her house and told her to not stress and she was crying and refusing to feed the baby anything! She has a severe case of post partum ... with all the different advise from family and doctors who are giving her wrong advice and just making things so much more hard for her.

    I took her to a friend of mines and we prayed over her and the baby and the baby woke right up and started to feed ( on her!) He did so well and he just latched on right away and fed for about a good hour latching on and unlatching since they are both still so new at all this. I know he was satisfied she felt great and was so encouraged and for the rest of the night I kept praying her mother instincts would kick in! Well I woke up at about 3 praying for her but not wanting to call her because I wanted her to know she could do it on her own. I ended up getting a call in the morning from her hubby who said he didnt eat all night but for maybe 10 minutes and his wife was freaking out. So I went over and encouraged her to relax and feed him. He fed awsome. So we went to the doc. appt. I went to be her advocate to help encourage her since I know how some times doctors can make things seem worse than they are, and she didnt need anymore worries making it harder for her. The doctor did say he lost only a half ounce since the last appt. 2 days before, and they did make it seem so much worse than it was then they told her to bf him right there with me helping while they waited. Ten minutes after she started they came back and asked it she was done! I was so upset they are crazy for thinking any new mom expecially a mom with a premi can feed that quickly! Well they waited about 10 more minutes and weighed him and he gained he went from 4 lbs and 12.5 to 4 lbs and 13.5 that means he gained a few and she wasnt even finished! Well they said since he was getting milk from her to start bf and supplement after and force feed him more after he fills from bf. Anyway we finished bf and went back out to weigh him and he gained to 4 lbs and 14 oz. That was encouraging.
    So for the whole day I stuck to mom and helped her because they want to see the baby again in 2 days. Mom is getting to be a pro and baby is too. But everytime baby gets fussy from gas or just from needing to be cuddled mom starts getting worried that he wont eat and that they will put him in NICu which by the way he has never been in NICU. I just keep encouraging her that she is a good mom and he is feeding awsome which He IS.
    All day for the rest of the day he bf like crazy and wouldnt let go. She was getting so much into him with out supplement . She was getting tired of feeding him .. first she was upset he wouldnt feed now shes upset he was feeding to much.. heehehe I told her that it was natural for a baby to want to store up for night time ... expecially. So she fed him at midnight and then went home about 1 it took about an hour of speratic feeding till he was full. Again she had a hard time waking him and herself up to be able to wake him. She said she tried for 45 min. and nothing would wake him she said he only fed for about 10 min. I ensured her that if he was just a daytime feeder and he would store up during the day ... not to worry. Well we went to a wic appt. and found out with his clothes on he weighed 5 lbs 2 oz. and this was just the next day! That is AWSOME! She was still upset cause he hadnt eaten as much as the docs. told her he needed to be eating which is 24 oz in 24 hours. And that he needed to eat every 2 hours. ( I mean come on people !!!! This is a tiny baby my 6 month cant even eat that much! And not only that but a healthy newborn with normal weight usually wont eat that much!!! My pediatrician for my baby even said that was an exaggerated amount and even did the math for that and said that was to much .. that 14 to 17 oz a day would be fine!
    Anyway We go most of the day with 3 to 4 diapers and 2 I thought really good feedings but mom was still worried cause it was only 2 feedings and it was getting to be about 3 pm last time she fed him it was about 1pm so I told her to wait till he woke up and got a little fussy then just play with him and not worry so much about feeding just spend time with him since she barely has time to cuddle being as she is so stressed about feeding. . Well I had some things to do at home and couldnt go to help her . An hour later she freaks out and leaves to sit in the car and refuses to feed the baby cause she couldnt get him to latch on with out me helping . She feels that if she cant do it without me then how is she ever going to do it! So daddy calls me and tells me the baby is hungry and she wont feed him so he is giving him a bottle! I am at my wits end and dont know what to say to her cause all the encouraging I say she has something negative to say back .. She is overwhelmed with fear about taking him to the docs. Even though I tell her he is going to be fine and that he gained 4 oz in 1 day! and that is a miracle from GOD!
    Well I dont know how she is doing right now She hasnt called and I have been praying for her and I am afraid to call her since the last time I talked to her I basically told her to suck it up! FEED the baby and get over her fears. I was pretty harsh, but I told her I loved her and that the baby needs her too. He is a normal acting baby they all have there moments and they are all different... he is alert and happy and strong and healthy.
    Her appt. is today and obviously she probably wont call me to come with her to help her get through this appt. I dont know if she fed him anymore and I dont know if he ate at all last night. I pray she did and she got breakthrough .. that would be so awsome! I also pray he kept that extra 4 oz and the docs ... can see that he doesnt need formula cause he is doing just fine on bf. She really needs to stick to one thing .. Trying to pump and bf and give formula every 2 to 3 hours is so stressful on her ... as it is she tried that and it was to much for her from day one that is why I encouraged her to just bf and trust God.
    I just wanted to give an update and if there are any christians out there please pray for my friend.
    Thanks so much.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2006

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    Sorry nak going to be short.

    At this point she is probably still too tired, worried and clueless to being a mom. I had such a terrible time at first with pp giving all sorts of conflicting advice. They were telling me to give my 2-3 week old baby formula, tea, water...
    I believe, God is using you to help her, be there, to encourage her. She needs someone with a clear head. I`m positive she will get used to being a mother soon. Until then, please stand by her and help and pray.
    You are a blessing for her.

    Mommy to a busy toddler

    "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep in order to gain that which he cannot lose."
    Jim Elliot

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    Thank you ... Its hard to wait but I "think" I am going to give her a call after her docs appt. and be praying until then! I had the worst time sleeping last night ...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    what a great friend you are!
    Tell her she can call a LLL leader any time with questions. LLL is free, some leaders do home vists. And thats free too.
    And I agree with pp there are so many that give bad info about breastfeeding!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    I am so confused to all these new letters??? pp and stuff is hard to understand. It clicked for me when I saw bf ... aka breast feed but after that I dont know anything else?
    Well to update ... My friend is talking to me ( thank goodness) I am so happy I was going nuts with worry. Also she went in to the docs and they told her the baby was the same as the last visit, so atleast he didnt loose weight! They are ok with that and they are giving her 2 more days to see if it doesnt improve . I'll be praying for her ... expecially since I cant really take over .. she needs to conquer this on her own, with Gods help.
    Thank you for all your replies it is so nice to see how other people can relate and be of help. I am very thankful to have so many friends.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    P.S. What does Nak stand for??? hehehee!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2006

    Default Re: Help? My friend is soo stressed!

    Sorry, this is looooong. But here are the abbreviations and what they mean.
    Keep us updated on your friend. I`ve been praying.

    DS? EBM? AFAIK? What does it all MEAN? Here's a list of basic message board lingo and abbreviations:

    * 2WW - Two-week wait (between trying to conceive and testing for pregnancy)
    * ABM - Artifical baby milk or artificial breast milk (formula)
    * AF - "Aunt Flo" (menstruation)
    * AFAIC - As far as I'm concerned
    * AFAIK - As far as I know
    * AFK - Away from keyboard
    * AP - Attachment parenting
    * ASAP - As soon as possible
    * ATM - At the moment
    * BAB - La Leche League's book The Breastfeeding Answer Book
    * BB - Bulletin board
    * B/B - boy and boy twins
    * BBIAB - Be back in a bit
    * BBL - Be back later
    * BBT - Basal body temperature
    * BC - Before children
    * B/C - Because
    * BCP - Birth control pills
    * BD - Baby dancing ("actively" trying to conceive)
    * BEG - Big evil grin (sometimes written *BEG*)
    * BF - Breastfeed/Breastfeeding
    * BFIP - Breastfeeding in public
    * BFN - Bye for now OR Big Fat Negative (negative pregnancy test)
    * BFP - Big Fat Positive (positive pregnancy test)
    * BG - Big grin
    * B/G- Boy and girl twins
    * BIL - Brother-in-law
    * BM - Breastmilk or Bowel movement
    * BRB - Be right back
    * BTDT - Been there, done that
    * BTW - By the way
    * BTW or B/W -- between
    * CD - Cycle day
    * CDING - Cloth diapering
    * CIO - Cry it out (baby sleep training)
    * CUL8R - See You Later.
    * CVS - Chorionic Villus Sampling
    * CWIM - See what I mean?
    * D&R - Ducking and Running (after saying something provoking or saucy)
    * DB - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word boyfriend
    * DD - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word daughter
    * DF - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word fiance
    * DH - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word husband
    * DIL - Daughter-in-law
    * DP - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word partner
    * DPO - Days past ovulation
    * DS - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word son
    * DSD - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word step-daughter
    * DSS - Dear/Darling/Darn/Another d-word step-son
    * EBF - Extended breastfeeding or Exclusively breasfeeding
    * EBM - Expressed breastmilk
    * EC - Elimination Communication
    * EDD - Estimated due date
    * EPO - Evening primrose oil
    * ETA- Edited to add
    * Excellent used condition
    * FAQ - Frequently Asked Question. When people say "the FAQ", they are generally referring to a list of answers to Frequently Asked Questions.
    * FF - Formula feeding/Formula fed
    * FIL - Father-in-law
    * FT - Full-time
    * FTR - For the record
    * FWIW - For what it's worth
    * FYI - For your information
    * G - Grin (sometimes written *G*)
    * GG - Good going!
    * G/G- girl and girl twins
    * GGTP - Gotta go to potty (sometimes written GGP or GG2P)
    * GMTA - Great minds think alike
    * HAND - Have a nice day!
    * HPT - Home pregnancy test
    * HSING - homeschooling
    * HTH - Hope this helps
    * IANAL - I am not a lawyer
    * IBCLC - International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
    * ILY - I love you
    * IMHO - In my humble opinion
    * IMNSHO - In my not so humble opinion
    * IMO - In my opinion
    * IOW - In other words
    * IRL - In real life (as opposed to on the Internet)
    * ITA - I totally agree, in total agreement
    * IUI - Intra uterine insemination
    * IVF - In vitro fertilization
    * IYKWIM - If you know what I mean
    * J/K - Just kidding (sometimes written JK)
    * JMHO - Just my humble opinion
    * KWIM - Know what I mean?
    * L&D - Labor & delivery
    * LC - Lactation Consultant
    * LAM - Lactational amenorrhea method
    * LLLL - La Leche League Leader
    * LMAO - Laughing my *ss off
    * LMK - Let me know
    * LO- Little one
    * LOL - Laughing out loud
    * M/C - Miscarriage
    * MIA - Missing in action
    * MIL - Mother-in-law
    * MO - months old (as in "my 6 mo")
    * MYNT - Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, by Norma J. Bumgarner
    * MYOB - Mind your own business
    * MW - Midwife
    * NAK - Nursing at keyboard (so please excuse typos, lack of capitalization, etc.); can be "conjugated", such as "nakking"
    * NE1 - Anyone
    * NFP - Natural Family Planning
    * NFT - No further text (used in the subject line of an email or post, to indicate that there is nothing to read in the body of the email or post)
    * NIP - Nursing in public
    * NM - Not much (sometimes written N/M)
    * NP - No problem
    * OMG - Oh my gosh
    * OP - Original poster (the person who started the current thread of discussion)
    * OT - Off-topic (sometimes written O/T)
    * OTOH - On the other hand
    * PAK - Pumping at keyboard
    * PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
    * PDQ - Pretty darn quick
    * PG - Pregnant
    * PIS - Medela brand Pump In Style breast pump
    * PITA - Pain in the *ss
    * PITB - Pain in the butt
    * PLZ - Please
    * POAS - Pee on a stick (take a pregnancy test)
    * PP - Previous poster
    * PPD - Post Partum Depression
    * PPL - People
    * PT - Part-time
    * PTB - Powers that be
    * PY - Ameda brand Purely Yours breast pump
    * RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist
    * RL - Real Life, as opposed to the Internet
    * ROTFL - Rolling on the floor laughing
    * ROTFLOL - Rolling on the floor laughing out loud
    * RRL - Red raspberry leaf
    * RSBCA - Remaining seated but chuckling audibly (as compared to ROTFLOL)
    * SAHD - Stay-at-home Dad
    * SAHM - Stay-at-home Mom
    * SIL - Sister-in-law or Son-in-law
    * SIN - Synthetic infant nutrition (formula)
    * SN- Special Needs
    * SNS - Supplemental Nursing System
    * STS or S2S - Skin to Skin Contact
    * SO - Significant other, used to refer to someone's romantic partner
    * TCOYF - Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Wechsler
    * TGIF - Thank goodness it's Friday!
    * TIA - Thanks in advance
    * TLA - Three letter acronym (i.e. these abbreviations--even the ones with 4 letters!)
    * TMI - Too much information (i.e. something excessively personal is being shared)
    * TOH - Typing one handed
    * TTA - Trying to Avoid (pregnancy)
    * TTC - Trying to Conceive
    * TTFN - Ta ta for now
    * TTYL - Talk to you later
    * TTYS - Talk to you soon
    * TTYT - Talk to you tomorrow
    * U/S - Ultrasound (sometimes written US)
    * VBAC - Vaginal birth after a cesarean
    * VBG - Very big grin (sometimes written *VBG*)
    * W/ - With
    * W/O - Without
    * WAB - La Leche League's The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
    * WAH - Work at home (WAHM = Work-at-home Mom)
    * WB - Welcome back
    * WOH - Work out of the home (WOHM = Work-outside-the-home Mom)
    * WTF - What the... "heck"
    * WTG - Way to go!
    * YMMH - You might mean here
    * YMMV - Your mileage may vary (your experience may be different)
    * YO - Years old (as in 3 yo)
    * YW - You're welcome
    * WYSIWYG - What you see is what you get
    * XH - ex-husband

    Mommy to a busy toddler

    "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep in order to gain that which he cannot lose."
    Jim Elliot

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