I'm so depressed, I think I will never have enough milk

[@llli*bbv]

My baby was born 3 months ago and had to stay in the NICU for a week, so he was fed through a feeding tube and given bottles. While he was away from me I pumped (tried to do it every 3 hours during the day) and when I visited him, every three hours, I would sometimes be allowed to try to breastfeed him, but he never nursed for long. He had trouble latching, would fall asleep, etc. I would get only drops of colostrum when I pumped. By the time I left the hospital 1 week after the birth, my milk still hadn't come it, I would only get drops. By day 8 or so I started getting actual milk but only 5 or 10 ml at most on each side, which is nothing really. I kept hoping my milk would come in but it never did. Whenever I pump the milk comes out in drops most of the time and I'm lucky to get 20 ml total from both breasts.

I started using an SNS to feed the baby when he was about 2 weeks old, and so far have not noticed an increase in what I can pump or the length of time he will nurse or a decrease in the amount of formula he has through the SNS. Over the past month I got him to nurse for a decent amount of time (5-10min) without the feeding tube. But this only happened 5 times total and I don't know why he nursed those times and not every other time I tried.

I started domperidone a week ago and so far it hasn't increased my output when I pump. I can feel my breasts are fuller, but the milk does not come out. I have been trying to nurse and pump afterwards but I'm having a really hard time because he still eats every 2-3 hours and wants to be held most of the time so I don't have time to even eat, go to the bathroom and wash all the bottles and feeding tubes for the homemade SNS, let alone pump, clean the house, etc. I'm getting really depressed that I think the only solution is to give up. I feel like I'm not strong and organized enough to keep doing this. I have thought often whether it would be best for me and baby to just use formula but I feel even more depressed when I think about quitting.

Today has been really hard and I can't stop crying. I have seen lactation consultants who suggested all kinds of different things but nothing seems to work. I desperately wanted this to work but I'm starting to think it never will.

[@llli*maddieb]

Hi bbv, I am sorry you have had such a difficult time of it.

My first suggestion at this point is to make sure you are getting your needs taken care of. No new mother gets "enough" sleep, but are you at least getting enough to function? Are you eating and drinking reasonably healthily? What kind of support do you have? Who is there helping you day to day? Are you utilizing every avenue to get help with the day to day stuff?

Also, I personally am quite a crier so reports of not being able to stop crying here and there do not unduly alarm me, but of course it all depends on what exactly is happening. If you are starting to feel that your emotions are too overwhelming for you to handle, I strongly suggest do not delay in talking to a trusted person about this, preferably a health care provider or mental health expert. Post partum mood issues can arise at any time in the first year after birth (possibly longer) and if you are facing something like that the most important thing is to get the help and support you need. Also if your mood is new and different and is coinciding with starting the dom, your doctor may need to know about this. I am not sure if depression is a side effect of dom, but it is a side effect of the other most commonly used pharmaceutical galactagogue.

As far as help making more milk, I am curious what your LCs have said as far as their best guesses are on what the issues may be with your ability to produce milk. Sometimes having some answers to the whys helps a mom either pinpoint the issues more directly when looking for solutions, or to be able to find peace in no longer trying to increase production. For more on this and all issues around low milk production (or at least most of them) an excellent book is Making More Milk.

Also, I assume baby is currently mostly formula feeding, but baby is still nursing some? Or is baby only nursing with all supplements given at the breast with a lactation aid? It is a little unclear. Anyway, If you are not ready to stop "trying" entirely, perhaps you can tweak exactly what you are trying to do or how you are doing it. part of the reason a mom uses a lactation aid is to decrease the overall time she spends on feeding baby. If using an aid is not helping you in that way, maybe that could be tweaked, or perhaps, eliminated and switch to bottles for supplements while continuing to nurse? And/or, If you are ready to stop trying to increase your production by pumping, perhaps you could eliminate the pumping, nurse baby as often as you both like, and formula feed as needed. This way the time and energy drain of pumping is eliminated, nursing sessions can be as frequent and long as you and baby like, and baby gets enough to eat.

Obviously if you are no longer pumping and continuing to supplement, or baby is not nursing as much with taking away the lactation aid, there may be even less milk production going forward. That is the main possible drawback. On the other hand, it might feel more normal and natural and far less exhausting to not have to pump so much, and that may increase the duration of your breastfeeding relationship with your child even if your milk production decreases, and also, being able to relax and 'just nurse" more may increase the time you and baby spend nursing. Of course, this is just one option, there are many, but my point is there can be different goals that may work better in some circumstances.

What you are reporting feeling currently in the breasts suggests that you appear to be responding to the dom. In that case, it is really important to get the milk out frequently. There are many reasons a pump might not do this as well as a baby, so perhaps encouraging baby to nurse more often will help, and you would have more time to do this is you reduced or eliminated pumping. Since the pump never worked very well for you, (this happens a lot, pumps are very different from babies in how they extract milk) I am not sure all this pumping is giving your milk production the boost it is meant to anyway.

Also, how many different types of pumps have you tried and how often do you troubleshoot your pump? Does hand expression ever help?

[@llli*djs.mom]

I think you need to wrap your mind around the fact that being totally overwhelmed in the beginning is actually pretty normal. Breastfeeding in the beginning is actually totally overwhelming as well as isolating. It's actually biologically designed that way. This time is meant for you and your child to get to know each other and find your groove. Your focus should really be 100% on the baby and everything else should wait. If what you really want is to produce more milk? And have the baby extract it? Then you have to let the baby have access to your breast as often as possible. "Trying to pump every 3 hours" as you were in the beginning? Is no where enough because it does not mimic the way you would be breastfeeding if you were doing it exclusively. A newborn feeds 10-12 times a day in a 24hour period. Which includes sometimes eating every hour while awake and only taking longer breaks because of sleep. That is what is needed in the beginning. Those of us who make it work all spent the 1st 6-12 weeks in our PJs on the couch. I got up to pee and get food and change diapers. Real talk. I had a nursing station set up in the living room where I had the phone and TV remotes. I sent birth announcements from that spot as well as Thank You cards. I woke up with one goal. Feed the baby. I think I left for anything other than a baby check for the 1st tiime at the 5 week point. With a friend to help. I ventured out without any help for the 1st time with the baby at about the 7 week point. So it's the time for you and the child to get to know each other and find your groove as a nursing dyad. The dishes will wait. So will the laundry. Feed the baby.
It sounds like you aren't responding well to the pump. So let the baby work to get the milk out of your breasts first ALWAYS. The baby will always be a better extractor than the pump. But you really need to let go of the idea that every 2-3 hours is a lot. It's not. It's really completely in the normal range. It would be more often if there was no formula in the mix. So if your breast are full? Let the baby eat. Even if it means you don't get to the laundry. Even if it means someone has to bring home take out. You will not be sorry you stuck with this and made it work. Promise.
And the crying every day thing is also totally par for the course. One day you realize that you didn't cry yesterday at all. And then one day it's been a week. Also look into a wrap or sling. That allows you to hold your baby while still leaving you hands free to put away dishes and get food for yourself.
Good luck.

[@llli*bbv]

Hi bbv, I am sorry you have had such a difficult time of it.

My first suggestion at this point is to make sure you are getting your needs taken care of. No new mother gets "enough" sleep, but are you at least getting enough to function? Are you eating and drinking reasonably healthily? What kind of support do you have? Who is there helping you day to day? Are you utilizing every avenue to get help with the day to day stuff?

I have no support anymore at this point during the day, only when my husband comes home from work. I wear my baby almost the whole day to be able to eat, drink and use the bathroom. But even when wearing him he still cries /fusses so I can't get much done (cooking/eating healthy). And that's fine, I'm not complaining. But unfortunately a lot of my free time is used to wash bottles and feeding tubes (homemade SNS) and preparing bottles. It's usually only a few minutes at a time that I have available to do it, sometimes it takes me 3 or 4 "breaks" just to get that done. I do hate dealing with bottles and formula, but it needs to be done.

Also, I personally am quite a crier so reports of not being able to stop crying here and there do not unduly alarm me, but of course it all depends on what exactly is happening. If you are starting to feel that your emotions are too overwhelming for you to handle, I strongly suggest do not delay in talking to a trusted person about this, preferably a health care provider or mental health expert. Post partum mood issues can arise at any time in the first year after birth (possibly longer) and if you are facing something like that the most important thing is to get the help and support you need. Also if your mood is new and different and is coinciding with starting the dom, your doctor may need to know about this. I am not sure if depression is a side effect of dom, but it is a side effect of the other most commonly used pharmaceutical galactagogue.

I'm not a crier, I only cry when I'm completely overwhelmed and hopeless, which is what I am at this point. I did talk to someone but all they did was tell me it was OK to quit and that I wasn't a failure if I did and I had to decide when it wasn't working out anymore. They said it doesn't seem that I have PPD. I was actually on anti depressants the whole pregnancy and had to come off to try domperidone and I did for a month and was fine. I was also feeling this way while on the antidepressants as well when I thought I would not be able to have enough milk.

As far as help making more milk, I am curious what your LCs have said as far as their best guesses are on what the issues may be with your ability to produce milk. Sometimes having some answers to the whys helps a mom either pinpoint the issues more directly when looking for solutions, or to be able to find peace in no longer trying to increase production. For more on this and all issues around low milk production (or at least most of them) an excellent book is Making More Milk.

Thank you for the book suggestion, I'll look it up. I was told that it could be because I lost a lot of blood during delivery and because it was difficult and traumatic. One also said it could be because I have Hashimoto's. Not having the baby with me and not being allowed to nurse him didn't help I'm sure.

Also, I assume baby is currently mostly formula feeding, but baby is still nursing some? Or is baby only nursing with all supplements given at the breast with a lactation aid? It is a little unclear. Anyway, If you are not ready to stop "trying" entirely, perhaps you can tweak exactly what you are trying to do or how you are doing it. part of the reason a mom uses a lactation aid is to decrease the overall time she spends on feeding baby. If using an aid is not helping you in that way, maybe that could be tweaked, or perhaps, eliminated and switch to bottles for supplements while continuing to nurse?

Yes, he was formula fed from birth.
He will only really nurse with the SNS. And from the very start he would not nurse for long, not enough to build a supply. He would either fall asleep or cry and wouldn't try long at all.

And/or, If you are ready to stop trying to increase your production by pumping, perhaps you could eliminate the pumping, nurse baby as often as you both like, and formula feed as needed. This way the time and energy drain of pumping is eliminated, nursing sessions can be as frequent and long as you and baby like, and baby gets enough to eat.

I will pump if that's what's needed, I'm not ready to give up. I already nurse him with the SNS "on demand". Sometimes every hour, every 2 or every 3 at most. Even during the night.

Obviously if you are no longer pumping and continuing to supplement, or baby is not nursing as much with taking away the lactation aid, there may be even less milk production going forward. That is the main possible drawback. On the other hand, it might feel more normal and natural and far less exhausting to not have to pump so much, and that may increase the duration of your breastfeeding relationship with your child even if your milk production decreases, and also, being able to relax and 'just nurse" more may increase the time you and baby spend nursing. Of course, this is just one option, there are many, but my point is there can be different goals that may work better in some circumstances.

What you are reporting feeling currently in the breasts suggests that you appear to be responding to the dom. In that case, it is really important to get the milk out frequently. There are many reasons a pump might not do this as well as a baby, so perhaps encouraging baby to nurse more often will help, and you would have more time to do this is you reduced or eliminated pumping. Since the pump never worked very well for you, (this happens a lot, pumps are very different from babies in how they extract milk) I am not sure all this pumping is giving your milk production the boost it is meant to anyway.

Also, how many different types of pumps have you tried and how often do you troubleshoot your pump? Does hand expression ever help?

I have rented a hospital grade pump today and have used it about 10 times in less than 24 hours. As well as nursing the baby with the SNS for at least 15 min, sometimes he take 30 to 40 minutes which it fine by me, the longe the better I think.

I don't really know the proper way to troubleshoot my pump but I checked if it had vaccum and it did, it just seemed very hard to get a good seal on the flanges, which I now realize probably means not enough suction but it was that way even on the highest speed.

The hospital pump works faster but doesn't really get more milk out, so I don't know if it will help or not. I tried 2 different kinds, Medela symphony and Ardo Calypso, it's what we have available in my country. Plus a hand pump. I tried hand expression but either I'm not doing a good job or it doesn't get much more milk out.

I'm really concerned now because today I woke up with my breasts really empty in spite of all the nursing and some pumping. I don't know why. The only thing I can think of is that I didn't eat much yesterday because I did not have time. I hope I didn't kill what little supply I had by doing that. I'll see a new, more experienced lactation consultant on Monday. I'll see what she says.

Thank you for trying to help me, if you gave any more suggestions I'm happy to try anything.

[@llli*bbv]

I think you need to wrap your mind around the fact that being totally overwhelmed in the beginning is actually pretty normal. Breastfeeding in the beginning is actually totally overwhelming as well as isolating. It's actually biologically designed that way. This time is meant for you and your child to get to know each other and find your groove. Your focus should really be 100% on the baby and everything else should wait. If what you really want is to produce more milk? And have the baby extract it? Then you have to let the baby have access to your breast as often as possible. "Trying to pump every 3 hours" as you were in the beginning? Is no where enough because it does not mimic the way you would be breastfeeding if you were doing it exclusively. A newborn feeds 10-12 times a day in a 24hour period. Which includes sometimes eating every hour while awake and only taking longer breaks because of sleep. That is what is needed in the beginning. Those of us who make it work all spent the 1st 6-12 weeks in our PJs on the couch. I got up to pee and get food and change diapers. Real talk. I had a nursing station set up in the living room where I had the phone and TV remotes. I sent birth announcements from that spot as well as Thank You cards. I woke up with one goal. Feed the baby. I think I left for anything other than a baby check for the 1st tiime at the 5 week point. With a friend to help. I ventured out without any help for the 1st time with the baby at about the 7 week point. So it's the time for you and the child to get to know each other and find your groove as a nursing dyad. The dishes will wait. So will the laundry. Feed the baby.
It sounds like you aren't responding well to the pump. So let the baby work to get the milk out of your breasts first ALWAYS. The baby will always be a better extractor than the pump. But you really need to let go of the idea that every 2-3 hours is a lot. It's not. It's really completely in the normal range. It would be more often if there was no formula in the mix. So if your breast are full? Let the baby eat. Even if it means you don't get to the laundry. Even if it means someone has to bring home take out. You will not be sorry you stuck with this and made it work. Promise.
And the crying every day thing is also totally par for the course. One day you realize that you didn't cry yesterday at all. And then one day it's been a week. Also look into a wrap or sling. That allows you to hold your baby while still leaving you hands free to put away dishes and get food for yourself.
Good luck.

Listen, I was doing what I was advised to do. Unfortunately I did not have the luxury of nursing my baby on demand because he was in an incubator away from me for week. I'm not sure if you read that?

I would have loved nothing more than to sit on the couch all day and nurse my baby. I did that to the extent that it was possible. I spent a month shirtless carrying him in a wrap hoping that skin to skin would get things going like I was advised to. And it's not like I'm going out every day now. At this point feeding is all I do anyway plus pumping, washing pump/SNS parts and eating. And I don't mind being isolated, I would love to have had that opportunity.

BUT it was a huge struggle just getting my baby to take the breast after a week of being intubated/fed through a feeding tube/bottle fed.

Also, I was trying to nurse at least 10 times a day. I still am. He eats a minimum of 9 times per day and I try to nurse him a few extra times on top of that.

But it's difficult because he won't just try and nurse just for the heck of it every time I put him on the breast. He won't try to nurse if he's not hungry and he won't nurse for more than a few seconds unless there's milk actually coming out which only really happens with the SNS as I have weak to non existent let downs and have been that way from the start.

As for crying and feeling overwhelmed all the time being normal, them I guess I'll be okay. Thanks for sharing that. I was worried I could be heading towards a breakdown or something because I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed and o have a tendency to have severe depression, but if it's normal then I'll just accept it.

But I could go without you implying that I'm not willing to do what it takes, though. I know it's hard work. I don't care about doing anything but taking care of my baby's needs. I waited more than 3 years to have him, I would have loved to have been able to just nurse him 24/7 for days as soon as he was born without worrying about formula. But that was not a possibility for us, unfortunately.

[@llli*djs.mom]

I didn't mean to imply that and I'm sorry if it came off that way. I was just responding to what you wrote. I'm sorry if I made you feel defensive-that's not my intention.. Whether or not you were following/advice instruction in the hospital wasn't really my focus in my post. It was the idea that you thought that pumping every three hours during that time was enough-when it's probably not. And later in your post you said your baby still eats every 2-3 hours like that might go away. When in fact that's really normal and not going to probably change anytime soon either.
I was reacting to where you are right now. IME alot of the feelings of being overwhelmed begin to dissapate when New Mom's understand that what their baby is doing? Is really normal and isn't happening because they are doing something wrong. But also? With the assumption that you do want to continue and that you want it to work. And based on what you wrote about Dome and your breasts I also assumed that you ARE making some milk and was wanting to talk to you about getting the baby to work to extract the milk since it sounds like you are having trouble with the pump and the more the baby practices the better.
And yes it is totally normal to be completely overwhelmed with hormones and all that stuff in this period of time. However, if YOU think you are headed for a breakdown, and have a tendency towards severe depression then do you have someone who you see or talk to on a regular basis? And if so is it possible to check in with them? Or are they the person who was giving you permission to fail? Because PPD is a real thing and should be dealt with if that is in fact what's up. However, if you went off of meds to take Dome and you have seen an increase in your Milk production as a result of being on the Dome? And you feel like you need meds? My advice is to contact Dr. Hale and see if there is something you can take while being on the Dome. Here is that website. http://www.infantrisk.com/
Please don't think that I was doing anything other than reacting to your post. It seems like you may be on the cusp of giving up. I don't want you to. I assume that if you come here? That you don't want to. I have known women here over the years that got their babies back to the breast after extended periods of time in the NICU. So it can be done. But like it was said upthread it will take a lot of actual stimulation of your breasts. And As often as possible? Supplement with your own milk. Because it absorbs more quickly and more completely. So the baby will be hungry sooner and may be willing to try again sooner. I hope that clarifies. Again I wish you luck.

[@llli*maddieb]

Ok, so from what you posted I have to wonder if you are pumping way too often? If you are pumping 10 times in 24 hours on top of baby nursing 10 times, that is likely to be very overwhelming. No one can keep up with that. DJs mom is right- a baby this age nurses at least 10 times a day on average, some more, some less, but the frequency is still high and remains so. But as I said before I have to wonder what all the pumping is meant to accomplish if baby will nurse that often AND you seem to not be responding well to the pump. This plan that has you pumping so often on top of normal nursing frequency is something I suggest go over with your LC when you see her. If a plan is not working for a mom, in other words, if it is overwhelming her in it's intensity, then it is not working and needs to be tweaked to make it more manageable.

A poor vacuum caused by an ill-fitting flange will indeed cause a pump to not work effectively. This is one of my giant pet peeves about pumps because so many moms are in between flange sizes, consequently cannot get much when they pump, and lose their milk production. If the flange is not fitting correctly, the pump will not work correctly no matter what setting it is on. A pump works entirely by suction, and for there to be the right amount of suction you need a vacuum and for a vacuum to exist everything has to be sealed. Even a tiny microscopic tear in a membrane or slightly lose tube connection will cause the pump to not be as effective as it should be and of course so will an ill fitting flange. There are some people who make different flanges that may fit your pump, pumping pals is one I think, and I think at least one other. I am not sure how well these work but it is something you can look into.

Take your pump to the LC and have her troubleshoot it. Also the manufacturer customer service should help you. At the very least there may be something on the website.

Djs.mom has a blunt posting style. Just so you know, in my experience over many years on this forum she is not judgmental at all. Overall what she is saying makes a lot of sense, she has great suggestions in above post as well. I suggest, take what works for you from anything anyone posts here and leave the rest. Sometimes we throw out a lot of info hoping something sticks, and that means some things are not going to resonate sometimes too.

You have worked so hard to get to this point and clearly your desire to nurse your child is very, very strong. That desire is not going to make there be more milk if biologically that is not possible, but it does make a difference in the likelihood at least some parts of your goals may be met. I have seen moms who make no milk at all nurse their babies long term using a lactation aid. I have seen moms combo feed (both nurse and bottle feed) for the duration, some who pump as well and some who do not. I have also known or heard of moms who months and months down the line begin to make more milk, and moms who have not nursed for months relactate and even moms who did not even give birth lactate! On the other hand, some moms who had optimal breastfeeding management from day one sometimes do not ever make enough milk to exclusively nurse no matter what they try. It is rare but it definitely happens. Biology has some big mysteries and sometimes the hows and whys of milk production are indeed mysterious. So it is not really appropriate to ever say never. On the other hand, your worth as a mother does not rest on whether or not you nurse your baby. I have also known moms who desperately want to nurse, try everything within their power, and eventually decide that it is not going to work for them after all, and move on without regret.

To me your two best hopes right now are your personal determination and the fact you have been able to get domperidone and appear to be tolerating it and it appears to be helping at least somewhat. I would suggest talk to your LC about what you would need to do to get baby nursing often enough and effectively enough where you can possibly stop pumping or greatly reduce how often you pump. If baby is capable of extracting milk normally there really should not be any reason to pump, at least not that much.

Feeling "empty" does not necessarily mean there is no milk. In the normal course of breastfeeding, at this age (around 3 months) a mom would normally feel "empty" much of the time even if her milk production is normal. So what that feeling means in your circumstance is not something I will pretend to understand, but to me this is not nearly as much concern as your pump possibly not working right. The pump issue is another reason I wonder if your energies and time with the LC are better spent on getting baby nursing more optimally.

Also I would suggest looking for shortcuts or strategies with the bottle washing and tube washing. Have you found anything online about that? Making More Milk includes some very helpful pumping/washing pump parts strategies but I am not sure I have ever seen such things for lactation aid use but it may be out there. Also, can you hire a mothers helper if there are no family there?

[@llli*djs.mom]

OH! To Maddie's Point-The tubes for formula need to probably be washed every time. But the pump? Not so much. You can throw the whole kit & kaboodle in the Fridge. Breastmilk is good in the fridge for up to 5 days. & out at room temp for up to 8 hours. So you can wash it at the end of every day if you want or if you put it all in the fridge? Every couple of days.
Also, the tone of your 1st post seemed to me like you were working to EBF. So my suggestions are all about that-getting the baby to your breast without the SNS system to extract milk so that you can cut back on the supplements and land there. Especially with the dome. But certainly it doesn't have to be all or nothing. And if "make enough" means something different to you? I am here to support that goal as well.

[@llli*djs.mom]

DP

[@llli*bbv]

I didn't mean to imply that and I'm sorry if it came off that way. I was just responding to what you wrote. I'm sorry if I made you feel defensive-that's not my intention.. Whether or not you were following/advice instruction in the hospital wasn't really my focus in my post. It was the idea that you thought that pumping every three hours during that time was enough-when it's probably not. And later in your post you said your baby still eats every 2-3 hours like that might go away. When in fact that's really normal and not going to probably change anytime soon either.
I was reacting to where you are right now. IME alot of the feelings of being overwhelmed begin to dissapate when New Mom's understand that what their baby is doing? Is really normal and isn't happening because they are doing something wrong. But also? With the assumption that you do want to continue and that you want it to work. And based on what you wrote about Dome and your breasts I also assumed that you ARE making some milk and was wanting to talk to you about getting the baby to work to extract the milk since it sounds like you are having trouble with the pump and the more the baby practices the better.
And yes it is totally normal to be completely overwhelmed with hormones and all that stuff in this period of time. However, if YOU think you are headed for a breakdown, and have a tendency towards severe depression then do you have someone who you see or talk to on a regular basis? And if so is it possible to check in with them? Or are they the person who was giving you permission to fail? Because PPD is a real thing and should be dealt with if that is in fact what's up. However, if you went off of meds to take Dome and you have seen an increase in your Milk production as a result of being on the Dome? And you feel like you need meds? My advice is to contact Dr. Hale and see if there is something you can take while being on the Dome. Here is that website. http://www.infantrisk.com/
Please don't think that I was doing anything other than reacting to your post. It seems like you may be on the cusp of giving up. I don't want you to. I assume that if you come here? That you don't want to. I have known women here over the years that got their babies back to the breast after extended periods of time in the NICU. So it can be done. But like it was said upthread it will take a lot of actual stimulation of your breasts. And As often as possible? Supplement with your own milk. Because it absorbs more quickly and more completely. So the baby will be hungry sooner and may be willing to try again sooner. I hope that clarifies. Again I wish you luck.

I'm sorry I misinterpreted what you were trying to say. When I said he still drink every 2-3 hours I didn't mean that I thought he would be drinking less frequently, it's just that everyone tells me he should be drinking less often because he is mostly formula fed so I wanted to clarify he is not on a "formula schedule".

Anyway, I went to see a more experienced lactation consultant today, she has 23 years of experience and she pretty much destroyed any hope I had.

She said it would be a miracle to have a full supply at this point. That after 6 weeks your supply is established and won't increase much more.

She told me I could still nurse him with the SNS if I wanted but she told me there was no point in pumping. That it was unlikely to improve anything.

I'm so upset. I guess I'll never get to breastfeed my baby no matter how hard I try.

I'm even more upset that the lactation consultant I saw before her in the same practice, also told me it would be a miracle to have more milk when the baby wasn't even a month old. I feel like I had a chance before and now I don't anymore.

I don't think I'll ever get over this.