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Thread: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
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    35

    Default Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    Hi all,

    From couple of weeks whenever my son nurses, I expirence a very strong aversion to it. I feel maybe it is my supply dipping or his latch altering, that is making my skin crawl, also want to run away from him. This used to happen sporadically when I was PMSing, now have become a regular thing.

    This is worst at.bedtime feeds when he switched sides for 100 times before finally conking off. Sometimes he comes away saying milk is over and I have to.rock.him to sleep. My.super busy day and really long winding bedtime does not gel well.leaving me very irritable, which normally am not.

    Morning feeds r worst as.he refuses to.unlatch. I have tried setting limits, boundaries by counting, singing which absolutely don't work. I wish there were more pleasant and amicable ways to end his nursing sessions,but am at loss to find them.

    I have always wanted him.to self wean. But this unpleasantness is not healthy for me or him. I wish he learns to sleep and get up without milk.Can you give me strategies to make this work??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    10,380

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    It sounds to me that you do not really have mixed feelings- it sounds like you are sure you are done and want son to be done as well? If that is the case, understandably you want the process to be gentle, so maybe you are having a hard time being as firm as needed- which is very hard to do, in my experience, but sometimes necessary when mom is done but child is hanging on.

    In my experience This is the point where another parent or other caring and patient adult in the house can be a big help. Because when you have to just say no, it helps to have an attractive alternative and having a whole other person to send the child to is a good alternative.

    But if or when that is not possible, maybe think of some other alternative to offer. When my kids did those forever morning nursing sessions and I wanted them to stop, I would say I had to get up to pee and then I would not get back into bed. I would say "let's go make breakfast" and in general indicate it was time to get up and start the day, even if it meant getting up and leaving them there so they understood I meant business. If your child has a favorite food or drink you can offer that, or if they like to "help' you in the kitchen do that, or try whatever might distract/redirect them.

    If rocking at night is getting too exhausting, we have done gentle backrubs, holding hands, that kind of thing to comfort a child into sleep. With my oldest, I could get him settled down by telling him long kind of boring stories. Instead of making up something elaborate, I would tell him about something HE had done that day but instead it would be a little boy bunny or dinosaur or whatever doing those things.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    24,912

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    How old is your baby now? I am curious because I know my nursing aversion started around 2.5 years... And it definitely hastened the end of breastfeeding for me and my kids, but I didn't think of that as an "unnatural" weaning. My body/mind was telling me something, and that was natural!

    When I was really ready to be done, I found that countdowns helped a lot. What that meant was that when bedtime came and my kids were nursing, I would tell them they could nurse for the length of a song or until I counted to ten. I could handle that much nursing. And I definitely did not allow side-switching. 100 back-and-forth switches would have driven me insane!

    For milk-free bedtimes, the best strategy I found was having someone else step in. I would nurse the baby quickly- for the 10 count or length of a song- and then have my husband come in to take over the going-to-sleep process. Mommy does not need to do it all! You have been putting your baby to sleep very efficiently for months and months- but he's old enough now for someone else to step in and shoulder part of the work.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    35

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    Thanks Mommal, yes my son is 2.5 years 31 months precisely.

    As your suggestions I will now apply your strategy of milk free bed time, by including my hubby's to do the last leg of bedtime routine like a nice cuddle, back rub, boring long story etc. Actually my partner uses this time for quality me time( catching up on chats, mobile games etc) so yes there will be some resistance but will get over it.

    I had read your reply long back about weaning morning feed by actually taking kids to your parents place and bringing them straight from bed to breakfast table. Well it worked brilliantly for 15 days I was at my parents place, but he slipped badly when I went to my place. I think I will now bring more enticing stuff interesting snacks and stuff, to make nursing seem boring.

    Hopefully some of this will work keep you posted on updates

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
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    35

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    Thanks MaddieB, for your kind reply.

    Yes the problem is if I say I want to go to the toilet and leave, my son throws mini fit and becomes inconsolable (hopping this is terrible twos). Yes he stands outside bathroom door, waling and will not let anyone come near him. So this strategy is of no use.

    I will now give a shot at trying to give him more incentive to end nursing by offering more fun stuff like snacks, breakfast options.

    My husband is very less interest in taking over night time routine, so will convince him to partake some of my load.

    Will keep you posted on the progress

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    24,912

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    Time for YOU to get some quality YOU time! You have gotten your baby to sleep for 31 months straight, while your partner checks his e-mail and plays Angry Birds or whatever. Really, it's your turn for some uninterrupted time with whenever you like to do in the evening!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    10,380

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    My oldest child never threw tantrums. Ever. I thought I must be an awesome parent, at least in this area. Then came my second child and I lost that delusion!

    Second son had such intense, scary tantrums I was afraid he might hurt himself. I was so freaked out I asked our pediatrician what to do. He was (and is) our third pediatrician who we love because he never acts condescending, is entirely positive about breastfeeding and bedsharing, is generally awesome. We trust him.

    He said "put him somewhere he cannot hurt himself and let him have his tantrum." I was amazed. Really? Not try to help him? Not try to stop it? I could not get my mind around doing nothing in the face of these terrible tantrums. So I kept trying to keep my son from having tantrums. Over time, I learned some things that helped prevent or avert tantrums. But in the end I also learned that it really is true that sometimes he simply wanted something that I could or would not provide for him, and there was no avoiding it, he just needed to have his tantrum about it. Then it would be over and we could go on with life.

    Third child also tantrums, at 4, she still does on occasion. She had one today over not being allowed to watch TV. She is funny, she will cry and scream and then be happy as a clam afterward.

    Basically, do not fear the tantrums, is my point. For many kids this is how they deal with discomfort, frustration or disappointment, until they are old enough to learn to deal with these things with more maturity.
    Last edited by @llli*maddieb; March 27th, 2017 at 11:17 PM.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    24,912

    Default Re: Nursing aversion, mixed feelings

    with MaddieB. Tantrums are normal, and you can deal with them compassionately while also not giving in to a child's unreasonable demand. It takes mountains of patience!

    I just want to point out that hating being separated from mama even for the length of a bathroom break is totally normal, and one of the unheralded joys of motherhood. I vividly remember taking a much-needed bathroom break and having my child pound on the door. "this is mama's private time!" I yelled, desperately. She ripped open the door and looked me right in the eye and said "No. I need to see you." Ah, the memories...

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