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Thread: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
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    48

    Default Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    Hi all,

    I would really like to have another baby soon, and my cycle returned when my son was 18 months. It seems regular now, and I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating.

    My problem is I'm almost too afraid to try for fear that I can't work out the logistics of sleep with a new baby and toddler. I have bedshared with my son since he was born. He has only ever fallen asleep nursing at night. He still wakes frequently in the night. On a good night, he'll sleep until somewhere between 3am and 5am, and then wake every hour or so until 7 or 8 when he's up for the day. On a bad day, he can be up every hour or two all night.

    When he was born, and for the first six months, he woke up every hour all night. It then gradually got better over time until where we are now. Though I hope it will be different, I don't expect that sleep pattern to be different with a new baby.

    I just can't imagine having two children who are waking constantly and on different schedules. This is the nightmare playing in my head: I move my older one into his own room while I'm pregnant, but continue to night nurse and end up in his room most nights. New baby arrives, and I start bedsharing with that one, but still need to go to my toddler when he wakes up, but I have to take the baby with me because he's crying because I moved and tried to leave. I have no idea what I could do at this point that would result in anyone going back to sleep. I have to assume I'm alone and my husband isn't available. He is not enthusiastic about trying to take over nighttime with my son in an attempt to night wean. I don't really blame him, since he has to drive for over an hour to get to work and it would be bad to be sleep deprived.

    Has anyone else had to handle a situation like this? I'm not super keen on just trying to night wean my son, although it would be ideal, I don't want to force it. I know some people have bedshared with two at once, but since I'm not intending on using a sidecar or anything, that's not really safe.

    If I wasn't so old, I would just wait until my son weaned on his own. But I'd rather be able to figure this out.

    Thanks in advance for your thoughts on this ramble!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    48

    Default Re: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    After contemplating it for a couple days, I think I've decided to try to night wean, but I hate the thought of that process. I want him to be night weaned, but I don't want to night wean him, haha. Is it possible to night wean him on my own while continuing to bed share?

    He's completely fine if I limit his nursings during the day, but I've tried some of the same tactics at night, and it just doesn't work, because he can't sleep.

    I'll start reading the weaning section of The Womanly Art and see if I find anything there. But I don't see how this will happen without lots of crying. Maybe it's better to get pregnant first and hope the lack of milk is an incentive? But I really think he nurses mostly for comfort.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    10,743

    Default Re: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    Hi,

    I have experience with a newborn and a nursing/bedsharing toddler. My oldest was a couple months shy of turning 3 when his brother was born.

    I had tried nightweaning when my older son was 18 months, and it was torture and never really took anyway. So by the time I conceived, we were was back to nursing overnight again.

    I have very hard pregnancies with high level of exhaustion and nausea/vomiting the whole way though. So I found having a child who I could lay down with and nap with every day and comfort to sleep easily overnight meant more sleep for me and that was awesome.

    After baby was born, of course baby woke far more frequently than my older son, and at first nursing both at night did not much matter in terms of lack of sleep- newborn period, very little uninterrupted sleep anyway. It took about 6 months for the double duty night waking to get to the point I wanted to do something about it. By then my older son was almost 3 and a half and it was a pretty simple and easy process to move him into his own room and bed, and once that occurred, night weaning happened naturally.

    That was my experience. It is not universal and I would not suggest this will be your experience. But if you are finding night weaning your child a problem, I am suggesting my story as an alternative to consider. At this point you do not know exactly when you will conceive again, and even if it were tomorrow, your baby would not be here for 10 months. By then your child will be much older and quite possibly not nursing at night as much anyway.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    48

    Default Re: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    Thanks for your response. I guess it's best to just see how it goes, since I have no clue when or if I'll have another baby. But not trying out of fear is a bit silly, I guess. I chickened out this month, but hope to TTC next month. I'll gradually start the process of getting my son into his own room, then staying with him there as needed, and try to slowly transition to night weaning as he can understand more. Hopefully that plan will work.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    24,911

    Default Re: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    My mom once told me that she was really worried about sleep when she was pregnant with my sister, because my 2 year-old brother was still gettinv into bed with her every night. A week before my sister was born, my brother suddenly started sleeping through the night and never looked back! I know that's anecdote and not data, but I still hope it makes you feel less apprehensive about the future!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    I am in the exact situation as you My periods have returned for the last 5 months but I'm unsure if the fact that my 21 month old is still feeding a lot during the night is stopping us from conceiving. He has some nights that are better than others. A few nights ago he slept for 9 hours (the longest he has slept for EVER!) but last night was just back to normal feeding every 2-3 hours.

    We don't bed share as he doesn't settle well in our bed. But he is also not a fan of sleeping in his cot for long so I have to sit in his room a lot most nights until he is completely asleep (which he will only fall asleep with the boob!). Need to start weaning but whenever I try and limit how much he has at night he gets so angry. And I'm so tired I just feed him for an easy life!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    24,911

    Default Re: Maybe TTC while nursing 21 month old

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jos321 View Post
    My periods have returned for the last 5 months but I'm unsure if the fact that my 21 month old is still feeding a lot during the night is stopping us from conceiving.
    My understanding is that once your cycle has returned, nursing- daytime, nighttime, anytime- is not doing anything to suppress your chances of becoming pregnant. More likely it's just a normal thing- IIRC, your chances of conceiving in any given cycle are only about 30%.

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