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Thread: Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLEASE!

  1. #1

    Unhappy Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLEASE!

    Well my baby boy is 8 months old. He's a very high needs baby. He's never had a bottle or pacifier. He doesn't go to sleep unless I nurse him which doesn't bother me except I have an almost 3 year old too and it's difficult to lay down in the bed long enough to put him down for a nap. I have to nurse laying down because moving him always wakes him up. At night he sleeps with us, always has, he wakes up 3-4 times and nurses himself back to sleep. He sleeps great and this hasn't been a problem for me. He's very dependent on me though. 98% of the time if I don't have him he's upset. My husband doesn't know what to do with him and he usually fusses if other family members hold him for more than 10 minutes. This makes it impossible for me to get a break, clean or cook, or spend time with my other son. Don't get me wrong.. This has not been an issue for me and I adore the bond we have. If I had to do it over again id do it the same. I love him being so loving with me but my husband says we have to stop nursing at 12 months. It literally keeps me up at night and I've cried thinking about weaning. I don't know how he's going to react to everything he knows being taken away and it depresses me knowing I'm going to have to be the one to do it. I feel like I need to convert him to his bed asap so he doesn't have two overwhelming changes at once. I just have to idea how I'm going to do it or how I'm going to wean him. It feels like a obstacle impossible to overcome and it scares me to death. I'm going to miss nursing my baby so much

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
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    74

    Default Re: Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLE

    I'm sorry, why does your husband say you HAVE to stop nursing at 12 months? You should wean if it is what you really want to do, but it doesn't sound that way.
    I completely understand what you are going through with the baby who is super attached to you. My son is the exact same way. 8 months old. I really can't do much of anything because he does not like for me to put him down. My son also sleeps in the bed with me, and we are up all night nursing.

    Is the plan to have your son completely weaned by the time he turns a year old? (Is there any way you can talk to your husband about this and your desire to continue beyond a year?)

    I really think weaning should only happen if you want it to, and it should happen slowly and gradually, ideally. It sounds like you are very overwhelmed thinking about weaning, so I wouldn't rush it if I were you.

    I don't have any solid advice about transferring to the crib. I can just offer support to you as you figure out what is best for you and your family
    First time working mom to Zachary, 11/20/2015

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  3. #3

    Default Re: Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLE

    It's not what I want to do but I have zero support. I am the only one in our family near us who has nursed and they all feel like it's weird and not right to nurse passed a year old and sometimes I feel like they think even til a year is too old. I feel like only if you've nursed a baby do you understand how natural and perfect it is. I also feel like my husband is just ready to have "me" back. He is totally against me nursing passed a year and thinks it's wrong to do so. I have family members saying all the time "his days of breastfeeding are coming to an end" like they are counting down the days or making sure their opinion of me nursing passed the date we've set is known. My argument has always been I don't want him to have formula and at 12 months he can start having cows milk so there's not much they can say to argue that. My in laws and grandparents in laws are so ready for him to not "need me anymore" so he can stay at their house overnight. Which I dont see as important. There will be plenty of time for that later. No one seems to understand how delicate the situation of weaning is and treats it as something that has to be done with complete disregard to how emotionally damaging it can be. I resent everyone so much for forcing me into doing something I don't feel like is in the best interest for my son just because of their own construed judgements. People are already shocked to find out I'm still nursing him and immediately ask when I'll stop which I don't care about but I don't want to cause problems in my marriage and family. I do think I will draw out the weaning process as much as I can after his birthday. Doing it slowly and as carefully as possible and just deal with the criticism.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    10,753

    Default Re: Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLE

    EDIT: Ooops sorry, I did not see your last post before I posted. I have to run now, will look at your latest post later

    I agree, the first issue to deal with is what your husband is saying about having to wean and why. Clearly you do not what to wean, and it does not sound as if you want to stop bedsharing either, and your baby certainly does not want to wean or stop bedsharing, so it seems strange husband is making this demand. It would help to know why he thinks not nursing past 12 months is needed and what the problem with bedsharing is as far as he is concerned.

    Weaning is a process and takes time, and should probably not even begin in terms of reducing nursing sessions until baby is eating so well they are able to transition entirely to solid foods. That may be long after 12 months, it depends on the child. (Of course some babies reduce nursing on their own in the first few months of eating solids, but many do not.

    There is no inherent reason to stop nursing at 12 months and many reasons to continue to nurse. Every breastfeeding recommendation from every child health organization says that ideally baby nurses until AT LEAST 12 months, and some say AT LEAST 2 years. Basically no one says that weaning at 12 months is either needed nor ideal.

    As far as transferring to the crib, it will probably help if that is a gradual process as well. Again there is no compelling reason to have baby transition to a crib now (or ever) but if you do want that, you can start by having baby in the crib part of the night and bring him to bed with you when he first wakes. If you find you cannot even get baby into the crib, you can try nursing baby until baby is very deeply asleep and then transition. A shirt or something with your scent on it in the crib may help. A hot water bottle to warm the crib before putting baby down may help. White noise and a sufficiently darkened room can also lengthen sleep.

    Of course your 8 month old baby is dependent on you, his mom. That is developmentally healthy and 100% normal.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    10,753

    Default Re: Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLE

    Ok, having read what you wrote, here is my advice.

    I have been married for 14 years and co-parenting with my husband for 13. Husbands and wives do not always agree on everything about child raising, and since you and your husband our equals when it comes to parenting responsibilities, it makes sense to work out disagreements amicably with your husband as best you can. Compromise is often in order, but compromise does not mean capitulation. To me, you wanting to nurse your child for at least as long as ALL experts agree is appropriate (at least a year, and as long thereafter as you and baby wish) means that your husband demanding that you wean by a year is not a compromise- where is he compromising? I also think that presumably, most of the child care day and night falls to you. IN that case, nursing and bedsharing makes mothering easier in many ways, and if that is the case for you, I think it makes sense that you would have a little more say in those matters than your husband. However, I think being able to leave your baby with a sitter for AN EVENING (not overnight) so you and your husband can have alone time is a reasonable compromise. Making sure you and your husband have time for physical and emotional intimacy is a reasonable compromise. These things can be easily done WITHOUT weaning or no longer bedsharing, I promise you. You just have to get creative. But maybe you can compromise there as well- keep nursing, but work on baby spending part of the night in the crib, etc.

    As far as other relatives who do not support you, I think you have to decide right now if you are going to parent your child as you see fit, or are you going to let other people with MUCH less investment than you have in your child's well being, and very different, quite possible very wrong and outdated ideas about child rearing dictate how you parent your child.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Converting Co sleeping night nurser to his crib HELP PLE

    You are absolutely right! I have never been one to let anyone elses opinions dictate how I raise my children in any other subject so why would I in the most important one? I've asked my husband if hes wanting me to wean by or after 12 months and he said that's up to me and he wants best for him. So Im just going to do what I need to do despite everyone else. My husband and I have always made choices for them no matter if it hurt someone's feelings or it wasn't what they agreed with. This will be no different. I may try to get him to sleep in his own crib in a few months if it means alot to my husband just as a compromise. I will see about expressing some milk so he can have it in a sippy while we do something as a couple. I know that will make him much happier. He misses being a couple and not just parents. Thanks for the information. It makes sense that he should wean only after he eats mostly solid foods and now my husband and I have some concrete information to share with the non believers haha

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