Feeling stuck! 11mo starting nursery & nursing to sleep

[@llli*helbk]

I have enjoyed breastfeeding my baby boy since he was born, and hope to continue BF once in the morning and evening when I return to work in a month's time. He currently sleeps well (7.30am-5am, after husband consistently saw to him during the night) and once down for naps in his cot he can sleep for over an hour, though not always!

My challenge is he will only settle if I nurse him to sleep. This can take quite a long time (sometimes over an hour), particularly during the day, with him wailing every time I stand up to put him in his cot. Though initially upset, my husband is able to get him to sleep in about 10-20mins at night with cuddles and singing, then sitting with him next to the cot.

It means that no one else is able to put him down for naps/night which is really constraining, but also concerning for when he starts nursery. My husband is the only one who can go into him to settle him if we wakes at night, as I'd just be trapped in the BF cycle for an hour if I go in. I would like to be able to comfort him too!

In the past we did some sleep training using PUPD/Shh/pat due to him waking every hour, and this worked well. Typically this slipped when he became ill and was teething so I've been nursing him to sleep for quite a few months now but it's becoming less and less effective. I've read so many sleep training approaches, the gentle ones such as the Pantley method, to gradual withdrawal, but I just don't know what would be better for an older baby who does generally sleep through. Our LB currently sleeps to white noise and I've introduced a teddy in our close time together in the hope it'll become a transitionary object.

Help!! Any advice or thoughts would be very much appreciated. Thank you!!!

[@llli*mommal]

I think the best thing you can do is to take a deep breath and have faith that the nursery workers will find a way to get your child to take a nap. This is almost always what happens! Babies don't get why mom won't just nurse them to sleep, so when mom is there, they will kick up a huge fuss in order to get mom to deliver their favorite form of comfort. But when mom's not there, most babies don't expect anything other than cuddles.

I think that if you don't want to be trapped in an hour-long PUPD battle with your LO, your choices are either to let dad take over all the nighttime comforting, or to completely reverse course and nurse him when he wants, maybe try co-sleeping (which doesn't necessarily mean bed sharing, it can also mean sleeping next to your baby in a separate bed), and have confidence that "if you meet the need, the need will go away". Maybe not as soon as you wish, but eventually!

[@llli*maddieb]

He currently sleeps well (7.30am-5am, after husband consistently saw to him during the night) and once down for naps in his cot he can sleep for over an hour, though not always!

This sounds pretty remarkably consistent and a long stretch at night for an 11 month old.

It sounds to me that the issue you are having is that nursing your child to sleep is taking a long time. Could the problem be the timing of bedtime or naps? The other issue might be that you are trying to move your child into a cot, consequently waking them! I would agree with mommal that it might make more sense to nurse your child while lying beside them and learning the art of the sneak away. For me, when nursing my child to sleep, if it was taking a long time, it helped me to read while doing so. I have burned through many a booklight!

As far as nursery, won't that at least solve your nap problem for the days you work, as you will not be there to nurse child to sleep at nap times? Are you concerned your son won't nap there, or something else? I honestly do not know where people got the idea there is anything wrong with comforting a child to sleep with nursing, since obviously this is a biologically dictated and universal sleep inducing behavior, or that doing so precludes a baby or older child from going to sleep in any other circumstance. Every child who is in daycare or has different caregivers ever at bedtime or naptime has different methods by which they go to sleep, because most of the time, each caregiver has their own way of doing things. Your child has already shown that he can be comforted to sleep other ways by dad...

If you are worried about the caregivers telling you that they cannot get your child to sleep and it is your fault because you nurse your child to sleep, then I suggest there is no reason they need to know how you get your child to sleep. They will have their own routines/methods for encouraging their charges to sleep that usually work.

[@llli*helbk]

I guess a little more information for context would help. Whilst my husband can eventually get our LO down at night, there are tears, and he's not as successful with naps. I'm returning to work for 3 or 4 days a week (on alternate weeks) and have always had difficulty expressing so not planning to do this. There isn't space in our bedroom for co-sleeping, and I also don't really want to go back to this as he has been in his own room for quite a while now. Unfortunately I can't lie down with him and slip away as he has a fixed side cot so it'd mean sitting in a chair in the dark holding him whilst he sleeps. As lovely as it would be to snooze with him every nap time it means I'm not able to get anything done, like have a shower!



I think I'm anxious for a few reasons; that my LO will end up very distressed at nursery around put down for a nap (though I am hopeful they will crack this for me!), that I want to reduce to just 1-2 feeds a day for my own comfort in regards to milk supply and that he'll then be confused why I'm not feeding him during the days he's not at nursery, and finally that other people won't be able to look after him for the evening without a lot of tears at bedtime.

[@llli*maddieb]

Ok in that case, maybe a good weaning book will give you some ideas? The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning or How Weaning Happens are two good ones. Unfortunately, the to-sleep and good morning nursing sessions are usually the last to go and hardest for the child to leave behind.

I still am not convinced that you nursing your child at home is likely to prove any issue at daycare. In my experience working in daycare, it really made no difference if a child was nursed or not. Some cried at nap time, and some did not. If there was some correlation to being breastfed it was news to me. Same with my personal parenting experience. My three kids all nursed for several years (one is still nursing) and all nursed/are nursed to sleep as the usual routine. When it came to being cared for by anyone else, my oldest usually cried the whole time we were gone, middle was a bit fussy but mostly ok, and third loves being babysat so much she is sad when we come to pick her up and does not want to leave.

[@llli*helbk]

Thanks Maddieb. I'd quite like to keep the morning and bedtime nursing sessions so fingers crossed. Great to hear some reassurance regarding nursery and nap-times!