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Thread: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

  1. #1
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    Oct 2006
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    Unhappy LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    My DH is 2 months 1 week old. A couple of weeks ago I had to stop nursing my LO because I was sick and on meds that were bad for her. We are back to nursing again and I think I have cause her some confusion and problems. Once I was able to nurse again I told my husband that I wanted to nurse only (no bottles) for several days to make sure we get back nursing properly. I also thought it would be a good time to give him some rest since he is always working and has been tired lately. Unfortunately, this has somehow led to my little girl rejecting her daddy which is breaking his heart and causing us problems. For the past 2 days she only wants to lay with me or feed from me - even if it is a bottle she will only take it from me and not him. Tonight he wanted to just try to work it out but she keeps screaming (going from white to red to purple and back). Finally, I went to him and took her to calm her down. I should have let her cry it out with him but I just can't handle the crying when I know she will stop if I take her. Of course, he was very hurt and got mad at me for taking her (I don't blame him - I would be the same if it were the reverse). What can I do to help my little girl like her Daddy again so we can all make peace? I feel so horrible....
    Samantha: born 3 1/2 weeks early on Sept 2006 6lbs 4 oz 18 inches long with situs inversus totalis. Now a strong healthy little girl that wants to be a NICU doctor, loves her little sister and breastfeeds her dolls!
    Milk donated with while nursing first LO: 2,200 oz
    Alexandra: born 3 weeks early on July 2010 7lbs 8 oz 19.5 inches long.
    Milk donated with while nursing first LO: 1,200


    For information on becoming a Breastmilk Donor http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk

  2. #2
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    Nov 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    hmmm, I sort of thought that at that age all babies had a natural preff for their mama. I mean they we in us for pete's sake!!
    They know your voice ,your heart beat, your smell, ect. My dh is the same about wanting lo to stop crying when he picks him up; but look, he smells wrong, his breasts are hairy( all wrong!) and sometimes I swear my lo has aches and pains from growing and nothing and no-one will do except me. Try explaining it to him that way.
    plus your lo is a bit young for all that crying it out stuff. I don't think any mom would let their baby sob (daddy or not) and just watch from across the room. Of course you took your baby into your arms. That was what she wanted, right? dh's feelings will mend, you did the correct thing. Tell him to try again in ten days when you are firmly established again- possible that when the bottle got near your dd, she got afraid it signalled a no bf week again.

  3. #3
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    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    Maybe you could try all cuddling up together on the couch at a time when she is already happy? That way it wouldn't just be one or the other and you could both enjoy your lo.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    normal baby stuff I think. I used to nurse my dd and then lay her on the bed with hubby and then go and put the older kids to bed. Most nights she did ok if he didn't try and pick her up and move her.
    There are all kinds of things he can do with baby instead of feeding!

  5. #5
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    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    My son went through this as well. Daddy was only able to hold him for minutes at a time. I knew it hurt DH's feelings but all baby knows is food comes from mama. There is no touch or sooth like mama can give. I went back to work at 3mo and only work part time so DH can stay home with the baby. It took about 5 weeks before DS started being comfortable with DH. Now my son is 6mo old and he absolutely lights up when DH comes home from work. It's precious. Daddy is the new play toy.
    I would try cuddling with all three of you together for a while. Things will work out. I'm sorry, give DH some special attention and a hug from us.

  6. #6
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    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    Quote Originally Posted by marymud View Post
    I should have let her cry it out with him but I just can't handle the crying when I know she will stop if I take her. Of course, he was very hurt and got mad at me for taking her
    We have been going through this exact same problem at home lately. My DD doesn't dislike her daddy, but he doesn't knwo what she needs when she cries, and I can't stand to hear it while he's trying to figure it out, when I know I can fix it immediately. Then of course he thinks I'm being a "drama queen" but coming up and "snatching her" from him.

    I feel your pain- Hope things get better soon.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    I am not sure if this works but thought of suggesting anyways, why not extract some milk and give in a bottle, so that the dad is happy, mom is happy n the kid

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    This has been going on in my house lately, too. It's been quite scary to watch, and my DS is about the same age (2 months, 2 weeks). Once I get home from work, no one but me will do. He will tolerate my DH changing a diaper, but no holding him. My friends were over the other night and were shocked by the way my LO would scream and scream while in daddy's arms, but as soon as I took him and spoke to him for a moment or two, he would quiet down and cuddle up. Even this morning, he wouldn't stop crying while my DH was holding him, but as soon as he put him down on the bed and just rested a hand on him, silence. I don't know what to tell you, but I'm sure this is just a phase.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Smile Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    Thank you all for the advice. My DH and I had a long talk while our LO was asleep. We both came to understand that sometimes she will choose me and at other times se may choose him (esp. when she gets older). She does not know the social rules of "not showing preference" that we adults have to abide by. I told him about the LLL forum and all of your comments and support. He was moved and wanted to read them so I logged in and shared your thoughts and wisdom with him. We ended up looking at many of my past post together and he was amazed at the information ad support from all of you over the past couple of months. He was moved and sends his thanks and love.

    When she woke up tonight we gave her a bath together. She loves bath time and this is the first time her daddy has helped out with her bath. By the end of bath we were all smiling and having a good time. It was nice to see my little girl and my husband gaze into one another's eyes with joy again. Of course, as soon as she started to get hungry she screamed for mommy. The three of us sat together as I nursed her and I ended up crying because I was so happy.

    I am sure we will have more difficult times like this but we will make it through...with your help.
    Samantha: born 3 1/2 weeks early on Sept 2006 6lbs 4 oz 18 inches long with situs inversus totalis. Now a strong healthy little girl that wants to be a NICU doctor, loves her little sister and breastfeeds her dolls!
    Milk donated with while nursing first LO: 2,200 oz
    Alexandra: born 3 weeks early on July 2010 7lbs 8 oz 19.5 inches long.
    Milk donated with while nursing first LO: 1,200


    For information on becoming a Breastmilk Donor http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: LO hates Daddy lately - HELP!!

    I just wanted to add that we had this problem for awhile too. I left the house one night to go work a part time job and didn't worry because I thought that if I was gone, DD would get comfortable with DH without knowing I was around to take over. She cried the whole four hours I was gone. This from a baby who hardly ever cries. Anyway, time a persistence will get you through. It helped us to involve Dad in a consistent way (for us it is bedtime routine since he works all day) This has helped tremendously. It also helped for DH and I to have a long talk and for him to relax and have a new perspective. I think that babies pick up on tension so him relaxing helped her to relax.

    Misty
    Loving my two sweet girls Audrey (7/18/06) and Annie (6/18/09) Baby #3 due to appear 8/5/10

    Feel free to ask me about my successful HBAC , food allergies, cloth diapers, and the joy of having a high-needs, non-sleeping little dear who has grown into a wonderful preschooler.

    Blogging here.

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