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Thread: In need of encouragement

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    165

    Default In need of encouragement

    I am very thankful for this forum, as it has continually taught me to let go of expectations of my three week old baby, who has great weight gain, great dirty diaper output..things are good, my partner has been home, helping so much. I now see that my expectations are what are causing me the most stress: that he should be sleeping longer, that his schedule should be starting to get more regular, etc...so I write with just the hope that you wise ladies can perk me up here, as we just got through a night of waking to eat every hour. The night before, he had two stretches of three hours, which made me expect it the following night and question what I did wrong the next night. I am assuming they fluctuate normally when they are this young? I guess it is new to me to have no control...the main issue we are seeing at night is he strains to fart and poop way more at night than he strains during the day. We have found ways to help him, but I can't understand why this happens more at night...the bottom line is should I just let go of any expectations, as I see repeated on this forum: if weight and diaper output are normal, then all is well. I think it would give me a lot if relief to let go of trying to find answers all the time. I am always thinking about that 3 month mark people talk about, where we will get some semblance of a schedule...it seems so far away...I really am trying to enjoy this time with my baby, but it is very hard!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    California, USA
    Posts
    460

    Default Re: In need of encouragement

    Babies strain more to poo and pass gas while laying down. Have you ever tried it? it's not very easy to have movement without the help of gravity. Regardless, it's very normal for all of this to happen. He's learning to use all of his muscles and he didn't have to poo in the womb. Now, all of a sudden, he's going many times a day!

    I'd suggest you put down any baby books, apps, or even advice from friends. Your baby is an individual. Some young newborns might sleep 3 hrs a stretch at night, but others might not. He's still very young, and I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Trust your baby. He knows what he needs and eventually, you'll see a pattern emerge instead of trying to fit him into one. My son was a chronic cat napper. He took 6 or 7 naps a day for 30 minutes or less at a time until he was about 4 months. Then he dropped to 5, to 4, to 3 and now he's at 9 months, hes at 2 very predictable naps and I didn't do anything but follow his lead. Getting to long periods of sleep doesn't happen in a straight line. It's not ever going to be 1 hr naps to 2 hr naps to 4 hr night stretched to 6 to 8 hrs at a time. It'll be sporadic and frustrating. Like you experienced, one day might be a glorious 3 hr stretch and the next might not even be an hour. The overall trend in the long term, though will be towards longer sleep. Do you share a sleep space with baby, either the same bed or room?

    It might help to remember that before clocks and schedules, babies ate and slept when they needed. They were carried by mom or a trusted adult that also was lactating, and they latched on when they want and slept as they needed. In our society it's hard to be so free flowing, but if you can wing it, then wing it. Yes, doctor appointments and grocery shopping and visiting family might interrupt a nap or a feed, and that's okay. It's okay to wake the baby up if you have to leave. As long as baby has a chance to make up for it later, babies are pretty flexible creatures.

    You're doing great, momma. Hang in there.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    10,754

    Default Re: In need of encouragement

    What specifically is hard right now? Not enough sleep? Something else?

    Here is how I have often thought of new motherhood, and it has helped me. When baby is first born, especially the first baby, it is as if the world has been turned upside down. Nothing is as it once was. Everything you do, everything, from trying to get out of the house to preparing and eating a meal to sitting on the toilet, is so different it has to be relearned to some extent.

    What happens as baby gets older, is we learn anew how to do these things. We figure out what works for us and what does not. We take the advice that works for us and toss the rest. We make it up as we go along so much that finally we feel more normal, we are adjusting.

    I do not think babies get somehow easier as they get older. Much, much later (not 3 months, in my experience) when there are things like regular nap times is actually harder in many ways, because then you might become a time slave to the nap times! In my experience, overall some things get easier, but other things get harder. But what definitely happens - and this can happen anytime, really, is that life feels more normal because we have learned how to deal with it. But the world is still upside down. Nothing ever WILL be the same after becoming a parent. Baby aging does not make things easier. Things get easier because WE learn to walk on the ceiling.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    24,794

    Default Re: In need of encouragement

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*midnightsangel View Post
    Babies strain more to poo and pass gas while laying down. Have you ever tried it?


    Yes, yes, YES to everything the PPs said. We really do get better at "walking in the ceiling" as our kids grow.

    My grandma (age 93, mother of 9) gives the best baby advice. It goes like this: "If the baby is hungry, feed it. If it is wet, change it. If it is crying, hold it. If the clock says it isn't time to feed, change, or hold the baby, throw away the clock and keep the baby." If you can embrace that style of parenting- where you follow the baby's needs even if they seem erratic or off-schedule, you'll be a happier, more relaxed mama. I promise!

  5. #5

    Default Re: In need of encouragement

    Yes to ALL the things above hahaha. The sooner you let go of your expectations and go with the flow the happier you'll be. Follow your baby's lead and don't try to fit a square peg in a round hole. If baby is sleepy, let him nap. If he's alert and active, let him play. If he's hungry let him eat! If he wants to snuggle, be there for him. One day months from now you'll realize somewhere along the way baby has developed his own habits and patterns with no influence from you. That's a glorious moment!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    165

    Default Re: In need of encouragement

    Thanks for the wisdom ladies!! I think what I am having trouble adjusting to most is a huge new lack of predictability in my life because of baby's sleeping and behavior, and I tell myself that somewhere in the future it will get more predictable. But you all have helped me realize that being a parent means losing predictability! And we can choose to embrace this or fight it

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