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Thread: Terrible Mommy Guilt

  1. #1

    Question Terrible Mommy Guilt

    So I have been EP for LO since she was about 4 weeks old. Direct BF just didn't work out for us. She nursed constantly and never seemed happy and the devastating nipple pain NEVER went away. I refused to give her formula (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I WANTED to BF. Head strong to give her the best I could give her I began pumping at 4 weeks old.
    Here I am with LO just 4 weeks away from her first birthday and I'm ready to wean from my pump. I have an ENORMOUS frozen supply from the previous months of EP and I figured I could start giving her frozen milk now through to her first bday.... But I've read over and over that frozen milk isn't as good as fresh milk.
    So here I am, down to two pumps a day, bawling my eyes out because I want to quit pumping but I'm terrified of only giving her frozen milk! I feel guilty for wanting to stop pumping because I know fresh milk is best for her! Yet I just want to wear normal bras and get my body back. I feel this deep sense of guilt for wanting to wean from the pump when it's been a part of me for so long now... I'm torn.
    Should I continue weaning and give her frozen milk? I know any breast milk is better than all formula.
    Or should I just keep pumping?.... I can't stop the tears. Please someone tell me I'm going to be ok? Tell me that it's ok to give her frozen milk for a few weeks so I can be normal again!....

    First time mom
    Setting the bar too high
    Just wanting to do what's best


    Mercedes
    Though she be but little, she is fierce.

  2. #2
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Terrible Mommy Guilt

    But I've read over and over that frozen milk isn't as good as fresh milk.
    This is a myth, in my opinion, one planted by formula companies. Sure, when looking under a microscope, any food is ever so slightly altered after being frozen rather than absolutely fresh, but the idea this is in any way a problem is absurd. You could live the rest of your life eating only previously frozen foods and it would make not one measurable difference in your health, as long as they were healthy frozen foods. And breastmilk is nothing but 100 % healthy, fresh or frozen! Are you saying you would feel guilty if you ever gave your child food that had been frozen?

    As long as the milk was stored correctly and is safe, there is absolutely no reason to worry about giving your baby your frozen milk or that is is some kind of failure on your part or "not as good." I suspect you have sadness weaning from the pump for some of the same reasons moms have sadness when their baby weans from the breast. http://kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wea...n-and-weaning/

    That said, only you can decide if you "should" keep pumping or not. You say you are ready, however, if your are this torn up about it, I do not see why you could not pump a couple times a day, for a while longer, if that makes you feel better. As you can see in the article I linked, the more gradual the weaning process is, the less hard it will be on mom's emotions. This would include when weaning from pumping.

    I am not sure why doing so would mean you cannot wear a "normal bra" or do not "have your body back"- I guess I mean I would disagree there is something "abnormal" about a lactating mother or her bras, or that she does not have complete ownership of her body.
    Last edited by @llli*maddieb; September 17th, 2015 at 02:04 AM.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Terrible Mommy Guilt

    with all the above. Especially the part about the ridiculousness of the myth that frozen milk is somehow a substandard or nutritionally deficient product, like some sad, old, twice-reheated leftovers that have been sitting in the freezer for 10 years! If you stored your milk properly, it's good. Period.

    If you're pumping just 2x per day, you can go back to a non-nursing bra. Go out and treat yourself to something cute and well-fitted. All you'll have to do is remove it twice a day to pump. For me, that's not such a huge price to pay for the pleasure of wearing something that makes you feel happy!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Terrible Mommy Guilt

    Nope. You are fine. I think that some of the antibacterial properties go away in frozen milk which means it can't be thawed out, and then used and re-refriderated or used. So if you thawed out 4oz and your baby only took 3? Your DCP would have to toss the final oz. But that's it. You are doing AMAZING! Are you planning on pump weaning over this month? Or like the next 2 weeks?

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Terrible Mommy Guilt

    Do you have a source for that? According to the WAB (2010) keeping any bottle leftovers in the fridge for later is fine, and they do not specify that this means only fresh pumped as opposed to frozen milk... but, they do not specify it is specifically ok for frozen either. http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf

    Also it says that unused thawed milk can be refrozen, although, it does not specify that actual leftovers from a used bottle can be refrozen, I would think (?) that is not ok, but do not know. But interesting they say it is fine to refreeze thawed milk... http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...fyour_milk.pdf

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Terrible Mommy Guilt


    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7

    Default Re: Terrible Mommy Guilt

    I wouldn't feel guilty about it! My baby was on frozen milk exclusively for about a week, and there were definitely no ill effects. I especially wouldn't worry with a baby that old, since she is presumably eating other foods, too.

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