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Thread: Depressed & Discouraged

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,454

    Default Depressed & Discouraged

    My baby boy is 5 months old and I still feel like I am not breastfeeding him right. I nurse him day and night whenever he wants and still he has had two colds. I think the problem is that he will only nurse when he is hungry and not for comfort. He prefers to suck on his fingers for comfort. When he is eating he will rest his hand on his chin and as soon as he is done with me he will pop off and shove his fingers in until he falls asleep. I know that I am supposed to be "mothering via breastfeeding" and forming a bond and all that, but it doesn't seem to be happening. I feel like we are much more connected and engaged when we are playing or reading together rather than when I am feeding him. I am not a coldhearted person. I love my children with all my heart. I know I make mistakes, but I am trying so hard to be the right kind of mother for them. I did everything wrong with my daughter so it is very important for me to get my son off to a good start. I've read all the dr. sears books and attended the LLL meeting and built a support network and still I am not good enough. I feel like a failure as a mother.
    Katie
    Just one more fanatical cloth diaper convert...
    Mom to Morgan (01/10/04) and Zachary (07/12/06)
    What are M & Z up to now?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    104

    Default Re: Depressed & Discouraged

    many many to you... Don't be hard on yourself. I've felt the same way lots of times. Sometimes DF would come home to find me bawling on the couch while DD was totally content sleeping in my arms. I just felt so overwhelmed at having a baby and all the responsibility, that I would break down a little. What's really weird is it would happen when everything was running really smooth! probably because that's when i had time to think...Your'e doing great, you said yourself how engaged you feel with your LO when you're playing together!! just keep up the amazing work and realize everyone has different ways of bonding. BFing is great, but it isn't always the magical experince some people paint it to be. Give yourself a break and come vent to us when you need to!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,620

    Default Re: Depressed & Discouraged

    My baby also had two colds by the time he was 4months old I felt a little ripped off. I comfort myself by thinking about how many he could have had or how much WORSE those two could have been had we NOT been nursing! Chin up Mama! Your Doing the absolute BEST for your child! NO QUESTION!

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    2,729

    Default Re: Depressed & Discouraged

    There is no reason to be so hard on yourself! If you are feeding your son with your breasts, he is gaining and thriving, you are successful at breastfeeding! It's quite possible you are meant to bond with him in other ways! Remember your LO is an individual too- Maybe he prefers to bond through play than through feedings. Please keep your chin up. It sounds like your empathic concerns are proof that you are doing great at mothering.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Western PA
    Posts
    297

    Default Re: Depressed & Discouraged

    I agree with PP, you are being way too hard on yourself! You *are* mothering via breastfeeding even if it doesn't always feel magical; the health benefits alone are priceless. BF'ing doesn't mean your LO will never get sick, it just means he will have the best possible resources to recover!

    Also, it sounds like you are feeling rejected because your DS likes to suck on his fingers for comfort. This doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy nursing and being close to his mommy! It's completely natural for babies to like to suck their fingers; in fact, it's really good that he is learning how to comfort himself that way, and in the long run will probably help him sleep because he won't need a boob in his mouth to relax

    The fact that you have also found other ways to bond with your LO is wonderful. You are BF'ing your son, you are reading and playing with him, you have made the effort to build a support network to help you give him the best start in life - you sound like a FANTASTIC mommy to me!! Keep up the good work!
    Erin - Hayden James is my beautiful boy - we've been nursing happily for two years, with no end in sight!


    Change the language, change the reality.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    12

    Default Re: Depressed & Discouraged

    I agree with all of these posters Just keep on keepin' on mama. Each baby is so different. It sounds like you're doing all the right things!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    425

    Default Re: Depressed & Discouraged

    I have to put my 2 cents in and say that I TOTALLY AGREE WITH PPs!!! All that was said is so true! My boys are 4 months old and suck on their hands all day long! They are figuring out that they have those hands and can do things with them. Sucking on them at this age is so natural! My boys use them when they are hungry, playing, moody, goofing...and the list goes on...lol! You are going such a wonderful job! 5 months!!!! What an accomplishment! And DJMom is so right...think of all the other colds and illnesses your lo would have had you not been BFing!!!

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