Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    10

    Default Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

    Hey lovely ladies!

    so my daughter is nearly 3, we still BF in the morning and before she goes to bed.
    I had planned to stop but she isn't interested at all so will continue a bit longer.

    However her Dad, my ex, thinks its' the reason why she's so clingy after she has overnights with him and that if I stopped BFing then it would make it easier on her.

    I'm fuming actually - it's way more than that and she's a spirited, independent and wonderful child.

    I am wanting to send him a response that will stop him continuing to hassle me as he much more articulate than I am - he studied law - I went to drama school

    So any argument I barely win regardless of whether I'm 'right,' or 'wrong.'

    anyway help would be wonderful - thank you!

    ---- Also in passing, I don't believe there are 'bad,' reasons to extend BF are there, I quickly look online but couldn't find anything, apparently he has heaps of info on why it's bad - I think he's lying.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Louisville, Kentucky
    Posts
    317

    Default Re: Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

    You might check out this letter, written by anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler, formatted for submission in court cases and the like:

    http://www.kathydettwyler.org/commentaries/court.html

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Louisville, Kentucky
    Posts
    317

    Default Re: Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

    If discussions are tense, are you utilizing a third party (like a lawyer) to help sort this out amicably?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    10,754

    Default Re: Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

    No child health org of any repute gives an age at which nursing should stop. This indicates no upward age limit is in any way indicated by any facts. But if your husband is looking for someone to say it is unhealthy to nurse a three year old, I have no doubt he will find them.

    I think there is an issue of boundaries here. The way I understand it, unless we are talking abuse (as in, reason to call child services) what 'goes' as far as parenting is concerned in your house is your decision and what goes in your ex's is his. For example, my friend was upset about the types of movies and video games her ex allowed, lack of outdoor play, no reasonable bed time or even adequate sleeping arrangements, plus really whacky, confusing and inappropriate but not quite actionable things said to the kids by the live-in gf, and she had real problems with her kids behavior and moods post dad visits that she blamed on these issues- with good reason, imo. But could she dictate her ex's lifestyle or parenting choices? No, said the court.

    IN other words, I don't think it matters what your ex thinks of extended nursing and there is not reason you are obligated to convince him it is ok. You are not going to agree, and what you do at home with your child is your business, so why even discuss it? My only concern would be if he was somehow going to try to make a legal issue of it. If you are concerned about that, I would definitely suggest, consult an attorney.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

    Thanks for this, we have been through the courts, I doubt he'll ever bring it up with the lawyers, I don't think they actually 'care,' nor really know anyway.
    I think I will send him that link and say nothing, you're right, what I do in my home is my business, I think I just feel annoyed as I'm doing such a wonderful thing for 'our' child and he should really be thanking me for being such a devoted, loving Mum! :0 Thanks for your help x

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    16,077

    Default Re: Needing some advice with my EX and extended BF

    In terms of dealing with an actual ex? You don't have to defend it. Or even discuss it. Since it's not actually impeding his ability to take his child on overnights, there is NOTHING to even discuss. His rules at his house, your rules at your house. He's your ex. He doesn't get to tell you want to do. All comments about things that are none of his business`should be met with neutral, non-commital answers. Like: "I"ll take that into consideration." "I've got this covered thanks." "Thanks for you input."

    Way too lazy for formula

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •